Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Can he love me?!


#1

A boyfriend of mine I’ve known since middle school has schizophrenia now. This is such a long story I’d love to write it out but I’m just going to ask the basic question it comes down to can a schizophrenic love me?


#2

Of course people with schizophrenia can love someone. They have all the same emotions as everyone else.

However, when they have a lot of positive symptoms, they may get paranoid or afraid or delusional & say or do things that would make you think they hate you.

And, if they’re having lots of negative symptoms, like flat emotions or deep depression, it may be hard for them to show it.

So, I believe it’s very possible, but this disease also makes it very hard for other people to love them. Hopefully, you can be a positive influence on him and give him a good reason to stay in treatment so that things can be as good as possible.


#3

It’s so nice to read this. Everyone has been putting me down about the whole situation especially his family. I’m willing to do what it takes I just would like advice on what to expect and how to handle things


#4

His family might be afraid for him & for you.

If I was his mother, I’d be afraid that you’d swoop in, ready to save the world, and whether you encourage him to do the right or wrong things, you could just as easily swoop back out & leave the family to pick up the pieces.

Try to think of where they’re coming from & it might make it easier for you to establish a relationship with them. .

It’s incredibly hard to support someone who has SZ, whether it’s your parent, your child or your partner. But, it seems to be particularly hard on partners. If you browse this section of the site, you’ll find quite a few threads that partners have put up - mostly wives & girlfriends.

You shouldn’t take a decision to be in a relationship with someone with SZ lightly - it wouldn’t be fair to them & it wouldn’t be fair to you. And, no one could even come close to finding the words to describe the pain you may have to go through from time to time.


#5

I thought I was, but all of a sudden his mother stopped responding to my messages and his brother came off very aggressive about the whole thing. I want to contact his mother. But I don’t want to step on any toes it’s only been about two weeks since this has happened how long should I wait? I feel like I need to be back in his life or atleast know what’s going on.


#6

My son hears people say things that they don’t say.
And, he can get incorporate people into his delusions pretty easily.

Possibilities include -
He heard you say something terrible to him and told his family but they don’t realize you didn’t say it.
He’s telling them that you’re the only one that cares about him & he doesn’t need their help any more.
He might be telling them he’s coming off his meds so he can be with you.
He’s suddenly more symptomatic & they either blame you or want to hide it from you.

Or it could be something totally different.

The only way you will know is if you ask them.
You should be polite, non-judgemental, and clear with them - tell them you don’t understand the change & you want to know if it’s something you’ve done. And, make it clear that you would never try to come between him & the family, you would never undermine his treatment, and you would never purposely hurt him, but you would like to be there for him.

Then ask them what you can do to help. If it means they would like you to step back until he’s more stable, tell them you’ll honor their wishes & that you hope you can support him in the future.

It’s nice that you want to help - incredibly nice - but no matter how stable your loved one is, you live in constant fear of the next crisis and you’re always scared that the next one will be the one they don’t come back from. You can get really, really protective.

All that being said, my son is incredibly lonely & would like nothing better than to have a girlfriend.


#7

This makes a lot of sense, thank you for your help!