Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Cannot come to terms


#1

I am so thankful for all the treatment my son has received, for all the mercy he has been shown by the powers that be. I recognize Gods intervention. It still leaves this sadness in my heart. my family is worn out from me. It just does not ease my suffering, my continual agony…sorry I’m so sad…my heart aches and my nights are sleepless…not sure if there is any advice for my current state, but just need to express how sad I am.


#2

I think you need to try to find some resources to help you as a caregiver. For me that was medication to help stabilize my nervous system. We have had so many crises that my body wouldn’t ‘shut off’ even when I slept. I was constantly in a triggered state of fight or flight, and battling against my body every day. This led to anxiety, depression, severe fatigue, and more. I was sure I would be headed to the hospital next and I couldn’t control it - racing, obsessive thoughts, compulsive thinking and planning, catastrophizing, and more. A doctor prescribed meds to help me get a little more under control so I could get through the crisis. It’s my decision to take it and being in charge of my mental health again really helped. I am already more functional each day after 5 days and don’t find myself crying for no reason or for good reason without meaning to. I am also working on counseling but that takes time.

So remember to take care of you. You have a hard job every day - maybe you need to do something nice for your self - movie, nice dinner, spa day, etc just to get a break.


#3

I always feel so sad over my son’s illness, it has been over 3 years and I always am worried about him and don’t sleep well and many times cry to myself thruout.my day. I have become more accepting of this new kind of normal, but still find myself shocked and wondering why this disease had to come and take over our lives.
I do take a mild anti anxiety drug from my doctor, and try to be strong for my son and my other children. It is one day at a time and trying to come to terms with it all, I haven’t quite got there yet. Remember you are not alone in how you feel and reaching out on this site has really helped me.


#4

I think there’s only so much you can accept. My husband wants me to accept certain things but I still right now have to believe I can somehow help her. I realize there’s no winning the war in the end but I am still battling everyday to reach some kind of stability for her. He has resigned him to this being the best it will be. She is in and out of the hospital, I can’t accept this as the best. And while I have accepted suicide and homelessness as possibly in her future, I can’t accept it until that’s a part of her reality. She is 10 so I have hope that there’s some way to manage this. I hope to build the right support for her. I am not willing to just give up and accept this as the status quo. There’s still room for improvement and that gives me some hope. Until we run out of medications and treatments and options, I haven’t accepted anything other than this will be a lifelong struggle with highs and lows. As a mother I think it’s how we are mostly wired - not to give up, to do everything humanly possible and beyond. It’s why a mother will lift a car to save a child or sacrifice herself for that child. And even though I feel like I am losing her day by day, I can’t accept that yet. Maybe never, because I am a fighter and a survivor. It’s just how I am made. So don’t feel like you have to come to terms or accept if that’s easier for you. If it gives you hope and strength, then use that. I think the only thing that’s not healthy is denying there’s an illness there and that the symptoms are real. I did that for too long, convinced that because she was physically healthy, nothing was wrong with her despite evidence to the contrary.

And some days the sadness is crushing. If you find that overwhelming and uncontrollable a mood stabilizer might be needed. I am on one and while I have cried in the last 4 days, it has been manageable and I don’t find myself so overwhelmed all the time. I was crying 2-3 times a day randomly, which wasn’t good.


#5

Annie, the sadness come in waves and we just need to mourn the loss of the child we once knew and accept the new child we have. It is okay. I feel exactly the same way. Dr. Armador says we just need to mourn and it helps us move forward. I try not to wear out my siblings or friends. I have private moments and probably need to see a therapist myself. We are here with you and God will never leave us.


#6

I think my son’s birthday will be a time for sadness for me each year. Sadness for all the hopes that seem beyond our reach, for the things he continues to suffer.


#7

For me…
the differences between our two sons is starting to show more with puberty.

The realization that one boy is not progressing as the other is. That the younger sometimes realizes this.

One is talking about learning to drive…
the other wonders if he can handle the stress of thinking about driving and then not triggering a psych break while on the road?

One is talking about NOT having children, as he is concerned with genetic predisposition to scz.
The other wonders if a “woman will want to marry me, and if she will give me my medicine before I go to work?”

Wow…don’t know how to address these changes.
Also, I notice now that husband has become aware of the differences. (I’ll post another thread under this topic).

This forum helps.


#8

It can be or you can blow up balloons, get a cake and invite people who might come to celebrate. I did that this year and my son really enjoyed it. I haven’t done it for some time since he has been ill.


#9

This was the first year in a while that my son asked me to bake a cake for him. It was really nice to do that ‘normal’ thing!


#10

What kind did you make?


#11

He asked for a chocolate cake with strawberry frosting - I cooked down frozen strawberries and added that to buttercream frosting - came out really delicious. AND I put ganache between the layers!


#12

Yum, that sounds wonderful. How old is he now?


#13

28 years old. Been at this about 10 years now.


#14

That cake sound so good, and inviting family over for a little party sounds fun. I hope to do that this year when my son turns 23 in May.


#15

I visit the “how to handle the sadness of my sons schizophrenia” thread when I am feeling down. I let myself mourn a bit and then I put it away and go do something. That thread feels like a “post your sadness here wall” to me.


#16

Do you compare year to year? are there some things that are better than one year ago?


#17

There is lots of hope for your daughter to experience some recovery. Some people with schizophrenia, even early in life, are able to live full, rich lives and be independent. Even though they struggle. I still hope that my young adult daughter can accept a diagnosis of schizophrenia and begin to recover, after 2 1/2 years of sickness.


#18

It’s really inspiring to hear your story and i’m also reflecting on this as a daughter of a mother with schizophrenia. I never really new my grandma that well and how she felt about my mom .Entering my moms life again trying to understand her and her illness and coping with it. I imagine my grandmas love was along these lines though. Don’t give up! Thank you for sharing this.


#19

My daughter’s psychosis began 5 years ago when she was 14. It was devastating. We spent 3 years in a state of crisis, in and out of hospitals. The grief was terrible. It still can be. But we finally hit on a med cocktail that stabilized her. She didn’t finish high school. She’s disabled. But when I look back over the last few years, she has come so far! Progress is slow but real. I’m still learning how to take care of myself. This I have learned: there’s reason for hope and heartache. It’s ok to hold both in your heart.


#20

Agreed!
Well said…