My son is talking to voices Andalusia 77 year old mother he stays with is losing her mind. He does not want to go to the hospital. I have to work out of state. He has to go to a group home . This is something I hate to do. She can’t leave the house.I can’t quit my job. I work with mentally ill. I can’t deal with. Him and work. I have prayed for a job near mama and no job he can’t stay in the boarding house withe in Alabama. I have had it. I want to throw in the towel.
I thrived in a group home for 5 years when I was in my early thirties in 1990-95. Other people there got into drugs and stealing and were in constant trouble. There was some violence but not a lot, no one laid a hand on me in 5 years though it came close a few times. The popular leader-types were the ones getting in trouble, the ones everybody admired. I was only unemployed for one month during my entire stay, I also was going to community college steadily my entire time there. My one friend there got a job too after he was there for about 3/4 of a year. Other people got jobs too. Those people getting in trouble weren’t my enemies or anything like that,we could be friendly but I wasn’t fully accepted by them. Probably because the owner of the board and care home was constantly comparing me to the rest of them and giving me compliments in front of them often about my jobs and school.The male owner was always calling me his “Top Gun” in front of everybody because he had that video and I watched it a dozen times. I was also going to 5 or 6 AA, CA, and NA meetings a week. And incidentally I didn’t have a car, I took the bus everywhere or walked. But I say all this because to show those homes don’t have to be so bad. We had virtually no chores except to make our beds EVERY day, keep out little area of the bedrooms we shared clean, and to not make any messes.The husband and wife owners cooked and cleaned for us and disciplined the troublemakers. We had great freedom and tons of spare time. But not everybody got into trouble and friendships formed between people. It was the best board & care in
our city (pop. 1,000,000) but in one of the worst neighborhoods for drugs. So my advice if you decide to go the group home route is shop around. Meet with the owners, talk to them, ask them any question you can think of. Observe the neighborhood it’s in, maybe even talk with a couple residents to get an idea what life is like in there. Check out what resources are close by, like a doctor or dentist,or what the bus routes are around there. Anyway I wish you good luck.
I’ve lived in an assisted living center for the mentally ill in Oklahoma for over 13 years. It’s not a resort, but it isn’t bad. The town where we’re located has about 300 people in it. They locate a lot of assisted living centers out in the country in Oklahoma.
Hi Laura~
A little hard to read your post…
So you live in same state as you work in?
Your son cannot stay at a home in Ala,?
When my son was first diagnosed, I took a leave of absense for 2 weeks. Do your managers know what you are dealing with? If you talk to them and tell them what you are dealing with, will they work with you?
Yes, it all can be do chaotic and sometimes people who take care of others may need some help as well, it can all be so depressing, I hope you find a solution to minimize your problems.
Don’t give up,push on
I’m really sorry your in such a hopeless place. Things can get better. I hope they do for you soon.
I work in Alabama. I can’t find a job in Georgia.The doctor in Alabama can’t do a good job because he is overloaded. My mother use to come to Alabama to help with my son and was hateful to everyone. she is a preachers wife with dementia. She broke my boyfriend and I up because she did not like us living together. He was nice to her and she was a bitch.She has been good to my son. The doctor Ga is better. The doctor in Alabama just saw him on tv. My son can not be left alone. Too diverted with voices. I have to work. My ex boyfriend lets me stay at his house till I move. He does not deserve to put up with mom.I love her but she can be a bitch. It could be dementia.I have looked for a job to look after both of them. Can’t find. I never want to date until she passes.i have financial problems from bills before my son got ssi.I can’t just move. My son was in a group home in Alabama and they were not the best. I wish we could find a good one.mom will never accept it.i got A ticket this morning trying releive mom. I am now depressed from the situation My job is behavioral activities for mentally ill. I fight for them at work. Our lives are hell on earth. My son is bad off right now. He is zeroed in on voices. My mom loves him but gets upset and yells. There are worse things than death. My life is one. I am sure my son and mother suffer.we need a miracle.
I try to spend 3 nights a week with my son and mom. It is hard gas money hard to afford.
To save money Medicaid does not pay hospital stays. It would help if the patient could stay until medicine better. His medicine has not been right since July.
Hi Laura!
Boy do I know how you are feeling! It feels like an endless abyss!
i dont know how to help those feelings....I really dont know how I got through them—and still sometimes do. I guess Ive just gotten ( is that a word? ) better at handling my own feelings on this. It has taken me almost 20 years to get here. My son was in the hospital so many times I cant even number. He was indigent, so didnt have to pay. Now, he has medicare-medicade. I dont even know if he gets bills. I would have him committed. I would jump up and down until they took him in and got him stabilized.
I cant remember how old your son is.... No family help? Your job will not give you paid leave? The system really sucks for anyone that doesnt have the $$$…What are the docs saying?
Im so sorry Laura--but something will come up..it always does-just when things couldnt get any worse.
I`m saying a prayer for you OOO
Don`t know if this will help-but keep your ears open. Some of the best advice I recieved came from strangers–just one-liners even! Also-so much from this site.
Just a few weeks ago someone from here who is diagnosed said that we in the family section sound like we suffer more than they do!
I can’t take leave at this time a year. I need paycheck for bills. Pray can find job and live with my son and mom.
Thank you for your prayers. At times I feel hopeless. God is in control.