Today, I claim hope for my 19 year old SZ son. I plant the flag firmly, even somewhat defiantly, in the face of an ugly enemy.
My son was first diagnosed w SZ in September of 2020, after many years of undiagnosed struggles. Our journey started with a major self-harm episode that nearly killed him. Somehow made it to the ER and emergency surgery after evil spirits ‘forced him’ to cut himself badly. What was once a concern was now a diagnosed, harsh reality.
Since that fateful night, he’s been in a few hospitals, two other inpatient psych units, and now a good RTC called New Roads. He’s been there 2.5 months. He’s gone AMA once (14 degrees, snowing, didn’t know if he’d survive); gotten in a fight; gotten into some inappropriate drug sharing; and has threatened to leave again at least a bazillion times. But he is now on Clozapine and seems to be improving.
We’re now working on a plan to bring him back into society. Figuring out all we caregivers do to consider living arrangements, potential work, and some supervision on MED compliance.
This transition should happen in the next month or so. And here’s the harsh reality. Our son may come out, use marijuana again, drop his meds, and try to kill me or hurt himself again. We’d be fools to think this couldn’t happen.
But, he might also flourish; finding a new job, new friends, and a new life worth living. He may find a girlfriend (who hopefully won’t read any of GSSP’s posts! 
) who loves him and helps him thrive.
And the truth is likely some messy in-between reality where we start and stop a hundred more times on this crazy ass journey.
But my post is for TODAY. And today, I claim hope. I claim it for me, my son, my family, and for ALL of us 1% who are fighting in the trenches. Whether you’re a caregiver, or all alone battling this disease, I’m claiming hope for all of us.
Damn the torpedoes. Into the fray. Never going gently into this good night. Onward with Hope as our banner. And when I falter (and I will), my prayer is that another 1% Warrior will pick up the Flag of Hope and keep on moving forward. Cheesy for sure but I needed to write this post, and to claim Hope today.
