Condoning the illness


#1

My boyfriend has been having such a bad week, I thought for sure we’d have to take him back to the hospital. It hasn’t gotten that far yet, and he has started to come down a little. But I had to take a few days and leave our home together, because every night (he hasn’t been sleeping) he wakes me up multiple times telling me we have to leave, let’s leave. And of course me being tired and woken up, I start to get defensive. And during the day it’s the same thing. Let’s get out of the house for awhile. And I don’t want to leave the house, but I end up going, and it’s always the same thing. We go to his parents (I wait in the car) so he can do lord knows what in there for 15 - 20 minutes. Then we just drive around until again, I get angry.

Should I condone this behavior and go with him? Or put my foot down and say I’m not going because I feel safe in the house we have and I feel no reason to leave?! It’s such a catch 22 because if I don’t go it gets him upset with me, and if I do go I just watch him get more frustrated and we’re wasting gas driving around while the roads are horrible … it is winter.


#2

The weather is bad, I wouldn’t risk driving with him when he’s in that state.


#3

There is obviously something in the house that is upsetting him or making him not feel safe that he has to run in the middle of the night.

I understand your frustration, but from the inside of my SZ, looking out, it’s sweet that he wants you to be out and safe too. When he goes to his parents house they might be talking him down from a blind panic.
You might want to tell the parents that he’s been waking you up and needed to scramble.

Just putting your foot down and saying NO! might not be helpful but have you asked him “why are we going? Is something here upsetting you?” Then you might be able to get an answer as to why he’s running away from the house.

I pull my sister out of bed in blind panic when I have hallucinations that are stress attacks. I’ve seen the house on fire, a huge monster spider and other life threatening imaginings. When I’m in a panic attack/ head circus glitch, I believe that I AM saving her life.

I do understand your anger, but you might need to find out why he’s running or what he’s running away from. If you have snow clothing, maybe bundle up go for a walk for lunch instead?


#4

@SurprisedJ he isn’t sleeping, so it is making the anxiousness/panic so much worse! But he won’t sleep because he’s so scared.

He thinks people are out to get him. He thinks people are under the house. He thinks people are breaking into our house while we sleep. His stuff keeps coming up missing, which is feeding into his thoughts about people breaking in.

but he has ALWAYS been that guy who loses EVERYTHING - so I know that he is just misplacing all of this stuff, but he goes straight to “someone stole it”. He had misplaced about $3,000 a few months back and everyone told him he put it somewhere and just needs to calm down and find it. He was CERTAIN someone stole it and said I know EXACTLY who took it. A few weeks after that he found the money! It wasn’t where he said it was and we tried to have him explain why he thought it was whoever he thought it was and he couldn’t.

He says he hears “rumors” that people have things they shouldn’t and it’s making him do things or something like that. When I ask where he’s hearing these rumors he can’t give me an answer.

But he doesn’t think he’s sick - so I have no idea how to go about it, and if I tell him he should take it into consideration he won’t! I don’t even say “you’re sick” I just say let’s not consider it.

His parents aren’t doing anything. He goes there just to make sure they’re okay and leaves. It’s horrible.


#5

@SurprisedJ, and I agree that he cares enough about me to take care of me. I know he loves me and would protect me against anything, and I usually am very nurturing to him because of it. It’s just when I’m sleeping and I get woken up, anyone would be a little upset.


#6

Poor guy, I remember how it felt to be in the deeps of absolute panic and terror. From the outside looking in I can imagine how hard it is to see the simple answer and see that your loved one is coming up with vastly different conclusions… But when one is in the throws of a full blown panic, it’s hard to see the simple logic.

You might not be able to convince him that he’s having a break down, but you can mention that he’s not sleeping and maybe seeing someone just for that alone. I have a feeling he knows he’s not sleeping. Address that symptom alone… That’s the foot in the door so to speak.

There is a thread here in this very section about how to talk to someone about mental illness.

Good luck. Just let him know you love him and your are very much on his side. Maybe check out the NAMI sight too for some ideas as well. I’m rooting for you both. Blind panic is a nasty ride.

http://www.nami.org/


#7

Yes, schizophrenia is both morally wrong and offensive. It should never be condoned.

You did mean “Condoning the Illness, right?”

Or maybe you just made a poor choice of words when titling your post?


#8

@Malvok that’s what I meant. Do I condone these actions and go along with it…

I know I shouldn’t, and I try to reason, but he has been so short fused with the lack of sleep. He won’t even sit down when he eats he’s so panic-ie.


#9

My point, which seems to have slipped by, was that by definition, condone means to accept and allow something morally wrong or offensive. Therefore, by saying “condone the illness” it implies that the illness is morally wrong or offensive.

I don’t think schizophrenia is anything but a tragic disease. It is not wrong or immoral. I tried to point that out with my post above.


#10

@Malvok not saying it’s wrong or offensive, it doesn’t necessarily only mean morally wrong or offensive. I just meant do I allow this behavior from the illness to go on, or do I try to reason on deaf ears. Because from his point of view, he’s not sick and this fear is legit coming from people out to hurt him.


#11

I don’t know if I posted these links on another one of your posts or not but these may help:
Please look at these sites:
http://www.leapinstitute.org/ - under resources are free videos on using LEAP
LEAP is a way of communicating to build trust. Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner.
http://dramador.com/ - Dr. Xavier Amador is a clinical psychologist whose brother had schizophrenia. He is the founder of the LEAP Institute. Wrote the book: I’m Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! Can buy from his website.
Search Xavier Amador and LEAP on youtube.com and you should find some long videos
http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/index.php - under problems you will see anosognosia
Anosognosia looks like denial but is different.
http://lesswrong.com/lw/e25/bayes_for_schizophrenics_reasoning_in_delusional/ - helped my understand delusions
http://www.nami.org/ - National Alliance on Mental Illness.
http://www.schizophrenia.ca/ - Schizophrenia Society of Canada

Try to understand that he believes what he believes and his fears are genuine and real to him. No one can tell you that your computer does not exist. If you feel that you are trying to reason on deaf ears then chances are that you are. He may not even know where the voices/rumors are coming from only that he is hearing them. Learning LEAP so that you can find a way to communicate with him that doesn’t make him feel judged may be a first step. You can listen to a person and have empathy without agreeing with the belief. I don’t think that you can argue with schizophrenia. Try SurprisedJ’s approach and just center on what he is feeling and going through. Imagine yourself at say 5 years old, believing in monsters etc. A parent telling you that there is no monster under the bed really isn’t that reassuring when you truly believe that there is. His delusions and hallucinations are very real to him and he is reacting to them. Same when he wakes you up in the middle of the night. Maybe react as if it was a 5 year old standing beside your bed. Getting upset with him is understandable but try not to.