Contact Question

[Sadwife]

I know some of you may be tired of hearing from me and my story. I’m sorry… just nowhere else to go.

My husband is living at his mother’s currently after a psychotic episode. Sz, I’m sure, though not diagnosed and substance abuse.

At this point I don’t want a divorce. I’m harboring this fantasy of him getting help and medication compliant and sobering up. All his belongings are here.

I am the evil one, the focus of the delusions bcz I betrayed him working for some government agency. I text him a lot… when he is really delusional (most of the time) I get nasty, “leave me the f@#$ alone” texts back with some explanation of my betrayal. Like a stupid person, I try to talk him out of it. He thinks he is working undercover for government agencies in vice and of course, must do drugs to prove he’s one of them. Being unsworn, it’s ok you know.

The last text I got was a few days ago. It went on about how I said I believed him, he couldn’t be emotionally distracted, he has told me what he’s doing and he has work to do and that I should work on regaining my memory (of working for these agencies). His mom lives in what he calls the hood, and my job requires me to do home visits and he knows that I am working with one of his mom’s neighbors. So he also said not to text him at that number anymore, that he would get a new number to me when he gets paid, that his mom’s hood isn’t safe unless I am working, remember the trooper that morning, and ended with I Love You. I understand all of the text except the trooper part. Given all that is in the news, I felt like he was trying to warn/protect me but who knows.

I thought, ok, maybe we are creating some trust. I thought the “dont text until August” meant he was out of minutes. I then found out that he is not out of minutes.

I know what he says now is not him, it’s his illness. I have made it a point to text him nightly the past few nights only “good night. I love you. I’m praying”. No response.

This is killing me. In a non SZ person, I would think, “ok, no contact.” The thing is, I don’t want him to think I abandoned him, I want to somehow put a crack in those delusions, and I want him to get treated. I’ve been thinking though, what if he really means “leave me alone” and what if that really meant “stop texting”?

What would you do? Start having no contact or keep my minimal texts? Keep in mind we are not legally separated and all of his belongings are here. It’s been almost 7 weeks. I think I’m struggling with letting go, “in sickness and in health”, and missing my husband so much it is unbearable.

Thank you in advance

[myson]

@Sadwife, No, We are not getting tired of you posting. This is what we all do when our love one is not on medication or seeking treatment. This is the place we can come to and talk about what is going on in our home with our love one because everyone on here understands. I have a question. Is your husband a harm to himself or others? If so, have him admitted against his will. I know that may be hard for you to do, but you have to start somewhere. Yes, He may be upset with you for having him admitted , but once he’s stable all of that will go away. Your husband has a lack of insight of his illness, so he won’t seek treatment on his own because in his head he’s not sick and he don’t need any help. I don’t know what state you live in, but in GA you can have a person involuntary admitted if they’re a harm to himself or others. I know what you are going through. My son is not a danger to himself or others, so we can’t have him admitted, but as a mother I will do anything to keep him safe and from any harm. When my son is off of his medication, he become paranoid thinking the neighbors flying airplanes over his head and he will process to go to their home and that can become a problem again.My son is have new delusions now. Please do whatever you have to do to get your husband some help! God bless you!

[Sadwife]

He’s not an imminent danger to himself and others. This sounds awful but I wish he was. In some ways, contacting him-if he does respond- gives me a window to act.

If he wasn’t being enabled and there were boundaries? Yes he would be a danger. He would fly into a rage.

As much as it scares me what he will do if I involuntarily get him in the hospital, I have to try… if he was a current danger. You know, I’ll never understand that. He only eats because someone cooks it. He’s killing himself with drugs. He can’t keep his $ for more than 4-5 days. He’s a time bomb. But someone has to get hurt first? I just don’t get it.

If I don’t get him help somehow, my marriage is done. I can’t see him to see if he is a danger, and he won’t talk with me. I guess my marriage is done either way. Such sadness.

[myson]

@Sadwife

This sounds awful but I wish he was. In some ways

No, That doesn’t sound awful at all. The system for the Mental Ill is terrible. They wait for the MI to hurt themselves or others before they do something about it. I read an article about a mother tried to get help for her son 8 times. She couldn’t get him any help because he wasn’t a harm to himself or others until he went into a hospital shot and killed two people. We cry for help, but can’t get it for our loved ones, but once something happens everyone wants to know did anyone see the signs and why no one got him/her some help! Really! If your husband has said something like leave me along get out my face before I hit or slap you or anyone that’s a threat! You can have him admitted. God bless you!

[myson]

Read this everyone! This is so sad! The mental ill laws need to change!!! I am in tears! Introduction - Treatment Advocacy Center

[Sadwife]

You guys won’t believe this. He just texted me. His mother is delusional and he wants to commit her. Which is pretty funny bcz HE’LL have to prove SHE’S a danger to herself and others .

The irony. I know this, at least, is true. I don’t know if this is possible, but I think somehow their delusions are feeding each other’s delusions.

But at least I’m not the demon right now. And you are all correct. I can only pray.

[lovemyson]

I’m curious, do you and his mom communicate? If so, maybe you both could work as a team to have him committed. Here in GA, or in my county anyway, it takes two people to commit.

We have had to wait until something drastic happens to have our son committed. It has always happened when he stops his meds and is doing illicit drugs. It’s a shame the system makes it so hard.

[Sadwife]

We do but not while he is living there due to his paranoia. His brother is an ally.

[Catherine]

@Sadwife I agree whole heartedly with @myson As hard as it is you have to do whatever you can to get him into treatment and I assure you that once he is stable again he will remember that you are his wife and he loves you-but probably not until then. Please don’t even try to guess what he is thinking or feeling while he is delusional. Your guess will likely be wrong. I am sorry that you have to go through this but please know that getting your husband treatment will show you and him that things can get better. Also you can post here as many times as you want, no one is counting, that’s what we’re here for.