Prior to all of this, when in a disagreement with someone, I remember saying “you’re crazy, you’re a psycho” or in turn, they would say it to me.
Now I would/could never utter those words, and if someone ever said those things to me, it would put it into a whole different light and I would cringe.
If I were to overhear a conversation where those words are spoken, I think my hair would stand on end.
Funny how we took phrases like that for granted, and uttered them so freely and thought nothing of them…
Of course I would never do this, but I would feel the urge to go up to them and asked them to not use these phrases so lightly. But I used to be one of those people who did, so they would not understand and most likely look @ me as if I really were crazy if I were to approach them.
Hearing those phrases now really cuts like a knife
Idk. My mentally ill husband and I used to use the word ”crazy” with good humor to describe some of his fears/delusions when he was well. Like, I’d say, “No, crazy, I’m not following you.”
Or “crazy” as in chaotic, ie “My schedule is crazy this week.”
@Jan, I guess I’m not ready to laugh about it yet, or make light of it. I mean, this is my son after all, not my husband. Totally different dynamic. Not sure I’ll ever get to that point of “taking it with good humor”, acceptance perhaps, never good humor. Still heavy hearted, and this is my son, not an adult significant other
I understand your post completely. I agree with you.
it hurts so much to see my only son this way: not reasonable enough and making poor decision in the last 3 years.
I feel compassionate for people who are MI and when I hear others talking about MI persons, I feel I want to defend them. I had get little upset with my Dad in the past when he said things not compassionate toward my son. I confronted him and told my Dad: is it really my son’s fault that he is sick.
A friend recently told me that I should let me son grow up because my son is a looser and my relationship with my son is causing stress and anxiety. I told the friend that I would never give up on my son even if the whole world is against me.
@CAAR2016, I can’t imagine anyone calling someone with MI a loser, let alone a so called friend calling your son that. I just don’t understand people anymore. Compassion & empathy seem so hard to find.
I gained a lot more understanding and feel more empathy since this happened. Maybe before, I had no clue?? I don’t know.
These are our children, it’s so different than having a partner with Sz. It’s really a do or die situation for me as well. Let the world be against me, I don’t care. I’m only comforted by the fact that I know in my heart and in my head, that I’m doing the best I can. I need to know this. This is important to me. Although I often feel even my best can’t ever bring my son back to me nor will it keep him from a possible relapse…
Forget my happiness, what happiness is there to be had when our children are living the way they are?
I’m living, yes, taking 1 day at a time. Will they ever be the same or the way I want them to be? NO
I often feel hesitant in sharing with friends about what is going on with my daughter, fearing they will either judge me or my daughter… there has been only a few people I have felt comfortable sharing with… a friend that has sza bipolar… and a friend at my church. My oldest brother has been very supportive as well and has told me I can talk to him any time.
you are really a good compassionate father. I feel the same like you.
I always felt empathy for the Underdog and unfortunate people but now I feel more empathy for them because of what is going with my son.
you are right what things can we enjoy when our children are deprived from the normal/balanced life that others are enjoying.
everytime I eat something i like or watch a movie or TV episode I think of the my son and think of the good time we spent together when he was well. I visited him back in November in California in the facility where he is now. I miss him so much and planning to relocate to California next year to be close to him.
I pay a family friend to check on him and also my brother checks on him. My son is currently on monthly shot. Hoping for him to keep improving… I keep praying about his situation.
yes, we need to take one day at a time. our world had changed forever and will never life the normal life we wished.
I know it is hard but we need to count your blessing.
I had isolated myself from my church group because they keep asking how my son is doing and also kept a distance between me and others who are judgemental.
I have only few friends and you are right, I am getting away from the friends who are not supportive!
I have about 2 loyal friends right now who are supportive.
I talk to my Father because my older brother has the illness as my son (scz) and sometimes my father can help me with some tips.
@mbheart, I have gone through the same thing and I feel awful now for using those words and possibly hurting someone’s feelings. I cringe and it hurts to hear them now but I understand that they are mostly being used by those who have not experienced the pain that is mental illness. I am a nurse and since this has come into my life, it has drastically changed my outlook on my patient’s behaviors when I know they have a mental illness. I used to take it to heart when they were so difficult and mean but now I see it for what it is and have more compassion. It does make my work day 10 times more emotionally draining when I have a patient with mental illness now because it is a continuation of the challenges I go through at home daily. I hope someday I will be able to see the good that is supposed to come from our trials but for now, I am just sad.
@Brokenheart17, we really have to be larger than they are and see the whole picture, almost as if we are talking to a
2-year old who is having a temper tantrum because he is not getting his way. It’s difficult but when you step back and see they cannot help some of their actions, it makes it easier and worthwhile.
I commend you working so diligently as a nurse with the MI. I’m sure there are many rough days.
For myself personally, when I was first trying to get my head around what schizophrenia actually meant - the word “crazy” was helpful. Took me some time to fully realize that “crazy” and “insane” were words in common use that actually referred to schizophrenia and that my son had schizophrenia. I would think of my son’s actions and think “this is what crazy is”.
I am still not fond of the word “insane” which is also used way too casually. “Insane” sounds like there is no hope at all.
My husband had a really hard time (and I suspect still does) separating our son from his actions. When husband would go on a rant about “why is Jeb doing this?” “why is Jeb doing that?” I would look into husband’s eyes and say with a straight serious face - “its almost like he’s crazy”. This actually helped my husband. I had to do it countless times before he began filling in the answer on his own. He would rant and hold his hand up to me and say “I know, you don’t have to say it”.
I often find myself wanting to correct people when they use the words lightly. I lost my sense of humor when both of my sons had serious medical issues years ago - I didn’t laugh again for years until I laughed with the leader of my Family to Family class. For some reason, I could laugh with someone in the same circumstance as myself. Her youngest son had scz too. Humor being back in my life helps me a lot.
If I did start correcting people about their casual use of such words and they didn’t take it well, I might unleash some repressed anger at them. I don’t feel angry, but its possible there is a good deal stashed away somewhere inside me. If that sort of anger got out, the other common phrase “whose crazy now?” might apply to me in that particular situation.
It does cut like a knife! I also see posts on Facebook about schizos… well… I respond by saying you know, my son is schizophrenic, he’s the most wonderful, loving, intelligent person I know… but thanks for sharing. Shuts them up every time.
@valegregg58, yes it still hurts me to the core, and it’s been 5 years! I guess some of us on here have reached a point where they can make light of it and just laugh about it? I don’t get that at all. Speaking for myself, I could/would never reach that point. This I know. I don’t care if it’s the next 50 years of this, I could never be light humored about this. This is a life changing event, and I have changed so much, not just emotionally but physically as well. This has aged me so much.
I just don’t see myself ever being good humored about it.
That’s why I don’t care for FB, too much fakeness, too much “look at me, look at me”, too much hypocrisy. I joined 2 support groups for caregivers of sz thru FB, and these groups are wonderful. Just like this group, everyone is in the same boat, and they “get” it. The outsiders either just don’t get it or don’t care to “get it”.
It would hurt me so much if I ever saw or heard anyone making fun of people with sz. I don’t know if I’d react with anger or sadness.
Oh trust me, I was pissed when I read that, it was all I could to do to keep from going off… I took the high road. Yeah, I could never make fun of it or joke about it… people who haven’t lived it don’t know… it’s 9 years for us… my son Beau was diagnosed 2 weeks before his 24th bday… he graduated HS, and went to Indianapolis to school. It sucks… I can however laugh at some of the stuff he does (to keep from crying, try it, you would be surprised how much better you feel)… when he is close to getting his next injection… I’ve found twigs and batteries taped to his bathroom mirror… he unplugs all electronics, turns off his heat and internet… doesn’t charge his phone for days… contacts me when he needs money. He’s highly intelligent, artistic and has the biggest and sweetest heart of anyone I know. It sux that this chronic brain disease takes hold when you least expect it. I’m always worried about him. He lives 650 miles away from me, but his brother is 1/2 mile away, my sister is 1/2 mile in the other direction and his Dad is 2 hours away. We are all proactive with him. I think it’s the hygiene, the sleeping in his clothes and shoes, and the general lack of knowing what to do day to day that makes me so sick about this illness… things we take for granted like showers, brushing our teeth, cleaning our homes and getting up and having a job are the things that most schizophrenics lose sight of because of this illness. My other son and his their Dad still haven’t come to grips with it. I can tell you that if he missed an injection and I had to put him in the hospital tomorrow, I wouldn’t bat an eye. I wish I could find a physical support group… but this website helps that and people who reach out. I’m in Louisiana and my kids are in St. Louis. If you ever need to talk just reach out vlgregg58 at gmail. Great to hear from another mother with sz child. It’s a lifetime commitment, but I’m so glad that I have him in my life.
Schizophrenic people are neither crazy or insane… it’s a chronic brain disease, it does not mean they are crazy or insane… anyone who thinks this needs to be educated.
Personally I prefer the term brain disorder and maintaining my sense of humor.
The terms are the only ones I was the least bit familiar with having no background with schizophrenia. My son is 36, unmedicated, lives by himself and works part/part/part time.
I also like to refer to my son as “having schizophrenia” - he is not a “schizophrenic”. He is a person with schizophrenia.
He’s not a schizophrenic person either - this disorder does not define him.
@hope, sense of humor isn’t an option for everyone. I don’t care how long I’ve dealt with it. IT HURTS, it’s still raw for some people, and I would think you’d understand that.
You did reference “crazy” and “insane” in your comment.
As far as repressed anger, I don’t understand how you can say you’re not angry, but yet you may have some repressed anger. I don’t understand your comment.
I’m angry, sad, depressed, anxious, frustrated, disgusted, etc. I try to be as forthright as I can about how I feel at that moment. I don’t feel repressed anything.
Hello mbheart,
Sorry to read your post and I can relate to everthing you are expressing, as so many of us here are having the same emotions. Hugs to you.
Please take care, AnnieNorCal
Edit: for the most part I have a very deep sadness for my son Lou. I am unable to help him and must rely on a higher power to watch over our family.