This is my first post:
After 10 exhausting years, 2 serious suicide attempts, violence with us… fearing for our own lives… we are finally at a dead end short of homelessness for our daughter. She is a veteran and 34 years old. She is currently in the hospital again through the VA (thank God for these people). Over the years she has received so much help financially and emotionally and help has been offered, yet she refuses to take her meds or take care of herself. She is on disability so at least she has a monthly income. However, the apartment complex where she currently has a lease, is forcing her out due to police involvement 3 times in the last three weeks. I don’t know how long she will be hospitalized (talking to herself, talking to Jesus, talking to the voice that tells her to do bad things, full of fear and paralyzed to her bed, not clean, crying and screaming).
I’m scared for her because I don’t know where she will go or how she will survive and she cannot ever live with us again (We will not live being afraid for our own lives ever again… she can be violent, threatening and she is very strong.) I tried calling her at the hospital but she did not want to talk to me.
Her dad and I have medical power of attorney so this does give us the right to speak openly to her doctors and case workers. However, this does absolutely no good if she will not do what is suggested.
I did look into the housing type options through the VA and will place a call on Monday. However, from what I’ve read, their housing assistance doesn’t involve those with mental illness.
It’s all so frustrating and heart breaking. We don’t know where to go from here.
Your support is greatly appreciated. I’m thankful to have found this forum today.
I have read many posts and relate to most all of them so far.
This is my first post:
Hi, I am not in the US but am wondering if psychiatric nursing facility is an option there. I have a brother who is SZ and nearly killed my father. He was unable to live on his own and eventually I got him to a nursing home. It is probably the best outcome for him though he would have preferred to be on his own.
Thank you Chong. I’m not sure of the answer to that, but appreciate your suggestion.
Hi @Elizabeth222 , Welcome to the forum, I’m sorry, you’ve had some bad years going on in your life.
Have you had a chance to learn about the symptom “anosognosia”? Your daughter’s “refusal” to take meds could be caused by this terrible symptom. My son has it and its a tricky symptom to manage. If you enter Dr Amador, LEAP, or the name of his book “I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help” into the search section, you will find many threads regarding anosognosia.
Did your phone call yesterday result in any sort of positive news for VA housing? Are there VA nursing homes? Take care, hope
This sounds so familiar. Bottom line was (and is) that daughter absolutely cannot live with us. Maybe our experience can help you see a way forward for your own situation. Attempted solution #1 was to send her rent $$ every month. She still ended up homeless, which eventually resulted in her commitment to hospital. I’m not sure by whom or how, but without our involvement. This led to a several years long period of stability, during which we purchased a home for her. The good part is that she always has a roof over her head. One downside is that although she lives quietly, she allows others to share her home. Their behaviour then becomes a problem for us as we deal with complaints from the Strata. The other concern is that she becomes invisible to authorities. As long as she isn’t on the streets, and not bothering anyone else, she can be very sick, and no one will intervene. Our experience is that hospitalization triggered by me is insufficient as she is released after a short time, albeit with some meds that will help until she inevitably stops taking. Hospitalization instigated by ‘the system’ results in a longer stay, with better stabilization.
Your experience will, of course, be different, especially if you have some type of authority to control her medical needs, which we do not. Either paying rent or maintaining a home would work very well for our daughter if we had some assurance that she would continue treatment.
This is familiar to me also. I am at my wits end. I am so tired of living in fear. So many of us are in the same boat, how come there isn’t safe living for people with this disease without having to be a mega millionaire? The meds aren’t working for my son and every single day he is angry and blames me and his father of ruining his brain among many other things. I wish I could just walk away. I am pooped out. There are too many rules that I have to think about when I am at home with my son. I can’t look him in the eye, can’t change my facial expressions, apparently saying hello is enough to set him off. I can’t clean my house, mopping and vaccuming sets him off. There is no going home to relax, I am always waiting for the next explosion to happen. Trying to get him on disability. Can he still be thrown out of an apartment when he is classified as disabled?
Clozapine only med to help my grandson a lot you have to fight for it but he works full time and has a life
I’m sorry it’s been so long and thank everyone for your feedback and understanding. We managed to get her into a VA home and things were going ok until she decided to break the rules… no smoking inside. She was defiant about it so police escorted her off the property. I’m struggling with depression over it all myself now. Plan to seek counseling. She has played between her dad and I, working us so to speak, for years. But when she ruined this last opportunity for good help, I drew a line in the sand. I think she thought she could come live with us, but that just cannot happen. I will not live that way anymore. She lost everything! Her ID, debit card, clothes, phone… everything! Twice now. I’m done. I told her I’m not accepting her phone calls from strange numbers. I told her not to call me anymore. She tried and tried and I’ve stayed strong. Before she left, I told her I loved her and that when she’s ready to try to get her life together, I’d be happy to help. She refuses help and won’t help herself. I watch my back because she knows where we live. She has threatened my life before. It’s miserable to worry, but I do. We’ve done all we can up to now, exhausted every avenue. All she had to do to be readmitted to the VA house was to take a covid test… she refused. We are still working with the VA, so there is a small amount of hope there. But tonight, she is homeless again and the weather is going to get very cold soon. She refused her clothing and sleeping bag. She was kicked out of the Salvation Army shelter. I don’t know where she is and she has no money. What will it take Lord. Her only lifeline is her Dad. He’s able to detach (more like a social worker) and not get emotionally tangled in her web. I want no part of it anymore yet my heart is torn apart. Tired! So damn tired! Exhausted. I worry she will die out there. I’m hurting. I know she is too, but for now, with the exception of staying in touch with the VA, we are out of answers. I love her, but I love the memories of her when she was young. This person she is now, I don’t know and she won’t talk. I pray for God’s favor in her life… some breakthrough. Hope however small is still hope. God help Claire, please.