Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Do we let them move in with us?


#1

Our son, who is 35, was diagnosed with Scizophrenia when he was 15. It was a very rough ride for the family as friends shied away from us as they were uncomfortable with his odd, unpredictable behaviour. Through the help of his wonderful doctor, the hospital staff who were available even after discharge, and a youth support worker that continued his support even to this day, our son was able to move out on his own when he was 22, then married at 26. They had some rocky times, but received a lot of support from our family. Her family disapproved of their marriage. Our son went onto monthly injections when he stopped taking oral medication properly. It has been so helpful, and works well…until he and his wife started using cocaine, and hung around with dealers and thugs. They lost everything, even her job. Tomorrow they’re being evicted from their apartment. Against our family’s wishes, we’re letting them move in with us. We will have strict rules…no drugs whatsoever, we get their atm cards, no friends over, no keys. And drug support group. Are we crazy to let them stay? We love our son, and worry if he is left on the street, he will die.


#2

Yes. You are crazy. But love is like that. If there were more people like you who really put loyalty to their family in action, homelessness would not be the huge problem it is. I have complete admiration for you. The only other idea I have is routine drug tests - the kind you can purchase at a drug store. I will pray today for you strength.
I also want to say how incredibly blessed your son has been to have wonderful doctor, hospital staff, etc. My son basically has me and his Dad. And Dad is not in the home full-time. It would be a shame for your son to waste all the support he has received.


#3

Yep, you’re crazy. But, I understand, and if you can make them stick to the rules, then you might be able to pull them thru. My problem has always been figuring out what the plan will be if the rules are being broken. Will you then put them out? Make sure you can back up what you say.


#4

@Stirkrazy No-you aren’t any crazier than the rest of us moms and caregivers that have our adult sons living with us, you are a loving mom and you’re doing the best you can with a very difficult situation, you sound like you are trying to set boundaries and rules and hopefully you will have a workable back up plan if those rules are broken and I hope they are not. Ohio (my state) has an organization called COVA which helps people with mental illness or addiction history amongst other issues to get employment or other types of social services to basically get back on their feet again…it is basically a huge resource center and they work closely with individuals and even have classes etc…I have been trying to see if anything like it exists in other states and I don’t know yet…I am not certain it could be called something else…maybe you could check into that for more resources down the road OR if you have a local mental health ombudsman…it is their sole job to compile many resources to share with the public…anyway here is the link to the one here in Ohio just so you can see what kind of an organization it is and maybe research if there is one like it in your area…it would be a place both your son and his wife could go to work on individual goals down the line. Just a thought, maybe it’s not be helpful right now but I threw it out there…best of luck I sincerely hope it works out… http://www.cova.org/


#5

Thank you all for your support. It has been a horrendous day for my husband, myself and our family. We have had to change our plans and deny our son and his wife the chance to live with us. We discovered many lies we were told about the drugs. They are still involved quite heavily in the drug scene and some very bad people. Living with us would put the family in grave danger, and that is not acceptable. He is nothing like the son we knew a year ago. He lies, steals, and does drugs. We cannot help him. He says he can’t stop using, nor does he want to. He refuses any rehab. We took him to an excellent place here in Alberta, Canada which doesn’t cost a dime, but won’t return. Toughest thing we have done, ever. It hurts, but we have to protect ourselves and our family.


#6

I am so sorry to hear what you and your family are going through.

You have done everything you could do and you have shown your son resources if he chooses to take steps to recover from substance abuse.

Comfort and peace to you


#7

@Stirkrazy You are so right and what an extremely difficult and stressful situation…my heart goes out to you and your whole family…Sometimes strangers can come into our loved ones lives and make a positive change when all of our best efforts to do so have failed… It happens and I sincerely hope it will happen for your son very soon. Best wishes…