Daughter struggles with paranoid schizophrenia and now considered refractory. She seemed different after last resperidol injection, quiet, stopped talking, ignoring me, short with me. She finally said she needs smokes to calm down with her schizophrenia. I bought her some. Yes, I know it’s bad but she does calm down and it must be so hard for her. Then she decided after a year of being to paranoid to go out on her own, that she wanted to go out. She met up with her drinking pals and came home with a good buzz. I gave her the lecture of not drinking and ditching her chump friends. She ended up saying I’m mean and how I called the cops on her and I’d probably do it again. Hmmm, first time she mentioned it because I was the one who had her committed in June and the police did come to escort her to the hospital. So there’s some insight. She’s gone out again. I’ve been down this road with her so many times over the last 8 years. She’s a perpetual teenager and is 26. Should I be happy she’s out and showing some form of wanting to go out and have fun? My first instinct is, oh no, here’s more trouble. I know she suffers. There is no group home here, she has me. Ive dealt with a lot of troubles from her, I’ve stopped having people over, I’ve lost friends over time, I’m always thinking about her and she goes out drinking. I’m venting yes. I’m tired. She’s so self absorbed. She’s been homeless and very psychotic then that I don’t want that for her, but when will she learn? How can I keep trying when she doesn’t?
Sounds like your daughter has emotions that you can’t control. As her father of course you want to create the best possible future for her, but you do need to accept that you alone can’t change her. There are many variables that will go into creating different habits for your daughter. You should not be suffering due to her decisions though. If that’s the case it’s probably time for you to make a big decision. Your daughter obviously needs help. You have to ask yourself what is the best action for you to take to get her better. There are professionals that would love to help your family and do this everyday. Try your family physician first and go from there, AA won’t help her illness. Therapy, Medication, and mix of variables may though. Good Luck. Prayers
She sees her doc every two weeks. She won’t see mental health services. She’s not their client. I don’t get support. The tough decision which I have done before was asking her to leave the house because she got so bad and it affected the wellness of a whole family and she wouldn’t agree to treatment. She spent a year and half homeless and it was bad. That’s the choice I face and after having gone though it, we as a family wonder how she made it. She hitchhiker across canada and stayed in some rough areas. She must have had several guardian angels watching over her. Do I want her to go through that again? where we live there is no other place to go. There are no group homes and one coed shelter that’s not great. I’m at a loss with what to do. I’m it for her. The doc is there to inject her and check in. I have to secretly the doc know she’s drinking. But what can they do? My daughter has to be the one who wants the help. Grrrrr
Asking your Doctor exactly what you’re asking right now would be the best decision. There are many variables that go along w/the illness. I can just say pray, accept, and love.
Yes. I have to ask the doc and get some advice. Sometimes we as caregivers or those who have schizophrenia often have good advice too who offer a perspective that one has to live through. Like the disease, there are no easy answers.
I wish I had some concrete answers…
I wouldn’t worry to much about her smoking cigarettes. There are studies that show that it helps some people feel better. Even in programs like AA they don’t suggest quitting smoking when first in recovery. If I’m covering the cost of my son’s smokes then I do try my best to put a limit. I refuse to support a 40/day habit.
Alcohol. It’s legal. I can’t stop my son from going out and getting it or drinking it. I do have the boundary/rule that it is not allowed in my home. Bring it in and I will throw it out. It does make his symptoms worst however he can’t see that.
My son is 20 however acts and reacts to the world like he is a younger teenager. Self-absorbed yes.
I’m sorry you are in this position again. It can feel like a never-ending cycle.
Yes, you know it’s like having a teenager all over again, and again and again. I want to deal with this better then the last time which doesn’t result in kicking her out or her running away. It feels like I have to let her go through this stage and let her deal with her life. She’s so mixed up. She’s so unstable mentally but not enough to have her committed. I don’t care if she smokes anymore. I don’t think it’s a battle worth fighting for. I also feel like she’s pushing her weight around and being somewhat defiant. It’s hard to take.
Once I went over the criteria for Oppositional Defiant Disorder with my son and he agreed that he fit them all. Because I’m the primary caregiver he gets the most defiant with me. While researching how to discipline ODD and Adult ADHD there was a lot about picking your battles. It’s hard to narrow that down when the battles you are fighting are to keep you child safe, stable and alive and they can’t see it.
I’m currently looking into bringing my son back home… How to stop it all from happening all over again? Good question. I can go easier on him like he wants however he will never progress past acting like a 10-15 year old if I do. I have said it several times. I’m fighting a broken system, schizophrenia, addiction and my son…
I try my best to bypass the ODD symptoms by asking questions like: Do you want your pills in the living room or your bedroom? Instead of saying: Here take your pills. When he asks me to make him something I will usually say no but I will help you and teach you how to make one. A lot of: I love you but no… or I love you but I refuse to be talked to like that, I deserve respect. However when he is not stable most of this goes out the window because he has so little control over his emotions at that time.
Daughter informed me she’s moving to a bigger city. She found a doctor there, said she has a boyfriend (doesn’t). She’s going to return to her homeless lifestyle we feared. She’s started to blame me for her situation. I talked to the doc but she’s not able to suggest anything that’s doable as I don’t have guardianship. Its a loss.