Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Ex boyfriend has been missing

I dated my ex for a year and a half and broke up a month ago. I had cancer in July 2020 and would need to get follow up scans every few months. looking back, he did things, but never anything that I struck me as particularly different at the time. my 2nd to last follow up, he become OBSESSED with becoming famous on Twitch, a video game playing site. HE would play from after work, all night and not sleep, then at work (work from home job) every day. he thought he would be able to get famous. he started treating me really bad if I mentioned that he should cut back that I was trying to control him. he called me fing stupid at the time and with my follow up coming, broke up with him. 4 months later he reaches out me, it seemed like he changed, 2 months later, he became obsessed that I was cheating on him. he thought that when I was recovering from anesestha and trying to rest I was out cheating on him even though he saw me cry on the phone to my boss about how unwell I was feeling at the time. he was completely obsessed that I was cheating. it seemed like he almost got the idea from a reality show we were watching. when it came on it seemed to trigger him. I had to break up with him a 2nd time, even though I didn’t want to. I literally couldn’t go to work because iw as sick and I was waiting cancer results and he was making my life SO MUCH NOMRE DIFFICULT. I told him this last time im done, especially because of our ages (I am 34 he is 32). I get a message from his sister last week, he is missing.
I immediately go to his house, he hasn’t been there for a week. I start getting worried. we get into the apartment, there was piss in cups, piss in pots, piss in the cat’s water bowl. knives scattered. mattress had a hole down to the copper rings. wires pulled out of the wall. AC unit face pulled out resulting in 90 degree inside temp. the only thing that was eft on was a single oscillating fan on his bed. he thought everyone was trying to kill him. he wouldn’t answer the door for police when his sister had sent welfare checks we did a missing persons add and for 4 days I was scared he wasn’t alive.
missing person ad came up that he was in another state and got arrested for attempted burglary but was released that same night.
I have been scared to be at home. he only had texted me 3x post break up that he was sorry. he was asking friends for money for emergencies, that his aunt was trying to posiionhim.
I live in an apartment with window doors on the first floor
I work from home
I am tired but when im home if I hear any noise im scared it could be him
his phone has been off since he’s been missing
the only update we had gotten was he was arrested in a nearby state but released
do I need to move? I really dont have the energy for that right now.
I found out he lied about so much. when we took that 4 months break he went on 4 vacations!!! he never told me about it when we got back together. many things I found out were complete lies. I never even met his family before now because he said they would try to use him (that now appears tone BS) he was never diagnosed before. has acted off but never to this degree before. he is still missing and we dont know if and when he will come back, he will likely be evicted soon, ( we did not live together and he doesn’t have a key to my apt)

I am so sorry for what you are going through. Fear is the worst and living with fear hurts your immune system and can slow down recovery. I know you care and this I am sure is much easier said than done but for your own healing and future my suggestion would be to find a place or situation that feels safe for you. It will help not only feel stronger to handle this but help give you clarity to plan what you want or need to do next.

I am so sorry @helpmeplease , I understand your fear.

Since you are thinking that perhaps you need to move, then maybe you should follow your instincts, bite the bullet and find a place where you feel safer. It is horrible to be in fear, and it can affect your health long term physically and mentally. Take care of yourself first.