Father's day card


#1

So I helped my little sister make a father’s day card. Aww, so cute right. SHUT UP lol. Out of all the nerve-wrecking energy-sucking things I’ve done this year, this has to be at the top of the list. At this point, it’s more about letting him know I care. I’ve been avoiding talking to him for months, as I decided he has just given up on life, and can’t drag me down with him. But he’s been trying, through depression, pain, and delusions. After all these years though. Suddenly, he’s trying to talk? I’ve always given to the hope that he’s really just in that much pain and it’s not his fault. But I tried so hard to talk to him. I was the MOST open and honest I can imagine being with him. I figured, hey, if I give him enough chances, and be the “best son in the world”, he’ll open up and stop his twisted act. No. Wrong. Absolutely wrong. More insults, more twisted hateful words, more delusional concerns, like a wreaking ball of stress.

And since I gave him slack, I let him affect me… Or maybe mental illness is hereditary. Or maybe it’s both. Idk, but after these years, one of the biggest reasons I’m doing as well as I am, is because I was away from him. And now he’s trying to talk, …just…idk…it’s like an insult in the light of anything close to karma. The harder you try the deeper shit you’re in!? :confused: No, I just think life is simply fucked up sometimes. The end goal is balance, and self-improvement, and to get there…to the top…takes some serious friction.

Anyway, it’s probably more paranoia than anything else, but sometimes I feel I’m the only thing keeping him from getting a gun and using it…and that’s what the card is for…to keep him alive. … how…yeah…

But there are no more "I love you"s . No more sensitive shit! That the best formula for paranoia, and more delusions, and days spent rotting over-thinking stuff. Instead I choose to be a rock. A rock that cares. But a rock that says what it’s thinking.

But for now a card…

And now I’m going to go drowned myself with a red bull. I know how caffiene affects sz, I also know how if properly used, it can clear the brain, especially combined with the other drink components. The key is timing, and moderation.

PS: If this post sounded really selfish and hateful, I assure you it wasn’t meant to be. Just a lot of complex thoughts and feelings and wanted to write it down.


#2

You get points for helping your sister. It’s not her fault your dad is not what you need, whatever effort you make in the house to promote harmony is always for the good.


#3

My father is passed away, and I have no children.

Some years I have received a Father’s Day Card from some young people to whom I’ve extended myself. That was kind of nice. I’m not expecting one this year, however.

I have two younger brothers with young children. Both of these guys have women who bore their sons and now are hateful toward my brothers, the fathers of these childen. I don’t know how to support my two brothers tomorrow.

Jayster


#4

Thanks. I’m really hoping that she won’t be affected in the same way that I was… I’m really afraid to move away, for fear that she’d go insane from being alone and having to listen to his insanity. Mom is there, but she seems somewhat distant herself. I told her I’m always there for her, but it always seems wrong to leave her here.


#5

I’m sure she will appreciate your being there for her, I know I was heartbroken when my brother left for the navy when I was 10.


#6

Thanks, that helps .


#7

I think your doing a good job on this one. You were as honest as you could be, you followed your gut on this one, reached out… and now it’s in your Dad’s court.

If it has been a long time since you’ve tried talking to him, he might have had time to think his life over.

But either way, his stuff is his stuff and your overcoming your stuff without him. That’s all you can do.

I’d say, be there for your sis, and that fact that you made her happy is the major good karma. How old is she if it’s not too personal? My kid sis is 11 years younger then I am.


#8

Made my Dad a Fathers Day card for today. Made me think how selfish Id been over the years as I don’t believe I gave him a card for too many years.


#9

Thanks. She’s almost 9… and I’m almost 25, so there’s a major age difference here! She has a long road ahead…


#10

It doesn’t sound selfish and hateful. When I was your age, my dad was similar and I was pretty angry with him and didn’t give him an inch. But it didn’t help. He just continued to get more and more withdrawn and paranoid. About ten years later I just decided to behave “normally” towards my parents. I thought that if I behaved “normally”, it might induce the same behaviour in them. It worked quite quickly. We could have quite nice conversations (though we were not as close as parent-child relationships in other families) Before he died last year, my dad was, to all intents and purposes, relatively “normal” and in the last ten years of his life really quite happy. He was nice to be with. That makes me happy now.

So with your dad, right now he is paranoid, but if and when he gets some reprieve from that, hopefully he will recall these efforts that you are making now. There is nothing like the confidence that you are loved for defeating paranoia.