Finally ended it with SZ boyfriend

I have been with him on/off for 12 years. He has gotten to the point that all he does is sleep. He moans and groans loudly all the time. In the morning he yells/moans because he feels claustrophobic in his room. He is a hypochondriac and complains constantly about his real or imagined physical ailments. He gets a government check for disability and gambles it away playing “ding, ding” machines at gas stations. He refused to pay me any rent money. I finally got him to agree to pay me $100/month. But he never does because he loses it gambling.

He stays with me sometimes and his dad has a camper in his driveway he stays at as well. He wont stay in one place for long. He’s always driving around in the middle of the night. He makes this awful music on his phone and writes horrible rap lyrics to it. They are mean and talk about how everyone hates him but he doesn’t care because God is with him. He hears voices constantly and refuses to change his meds. When he spends the night at my house he sleeps in my guest bedroom and says people are knocking on the side of the house at night and whistling. He’s on a monthly Abilify injection and takes Abilify orally when he feels like it. I have begged him to tell his Dr he’s hearing things really bad but he says “Abilify was sent to him by God and it changed his life”. I caught him looking at animated porn. He laughs about it. He has the maturity of a 13 year old.

I just got tired of the negative energy and arguing. He tells me I “hate men” when I try to talk to him about any of this. I was abused my whole life by men. My father was very mean and abusive.

I just want a normal happy life. I feel like he’s not my husband and we have no kids. So why am I dealing with this? I’m 54 and he is 42. He’s getting worse.


It does sound as if you are better off without him and he will probably be the same whether you are there or not, particularly as he is resistant to your efforts to help him. As you said, he is not your husband or the father of your children, making ending your relationship much less complicated than it could be. People end relationships for reasons far less serious than yours.

I hope you can move on with your life.


You did the right thing.


That behavior is very similar to my son’s, I always have my car keys in my pocket otherwise he takes them and drives around at night; he sleeps part of the night in his room but then overnight he comes to the living room to sleep on the couch, sometimes he wakes up screaming and if I hear him doing it for a while I get up to give him the Ativan since he refuses to take the abilify; he has been on abilify injection for a short time and I think it works but he stopped going to get the next one; yes his behavior really varies, sometimes he’s like a five year old and other times like a 13-14 year old. It’s really challenging.

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Congratulations! It’s time to invest in yourself.


It’s so disruptive to my life. I just moved out to the country and bought a new house. I work from home. His up/down all night every night drove me crazy. And in the morning when I begin work he would moan/yell loudly (the room he sleeps in is down the hall from my office). He also eats every 2 hours. He weighs 300 pounds. He will eat and go back to bed and the cycle continues.

He refuses to take anything besides the Abilify. They prescribed him vistiril for his “anxiety” but he wont take it. It knocks him out. I think he likes the mania.

Thank you for your feedback. It is like dealing with a child/teenager.

Sounds like addition by subtraction- for your life. Stay strong you are not being selfish.

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Thank you. He has spent time in Georgia State Regional Mental Hospital. We went to Florida together and he was off his meds. He freaked out and started yelling and rapping CONSTANTLY. I left him down there. His dad was able to get him back to Georgia and took him to the hospital because he couldn’t get him to calm down. He was there a month or two. I feel he will end up there again.

Yes I’m working on a happy life for myself!

Dear susan031367, I know this is difficult, very challenging and trying; I do my best to accept my son but only because he’s my son I don’t think I would have the same tolerance if he was my husband or boyfriend. My son is sometimes like a 5 year old other times he’s a teenager but never a 48 year old! He used to philosophy a lot and dreamed of the perfect “other one”, he’s not prepared for no one! It’s sad but that’s how it is for him. He’s unmedicated and I’m sure he likes it that way bc like many he likes to do what he wants to which is really nothing; he’s been a few times in the State hospital but he gets out and stops the meds; I really think your boyfriend would benefit from a change of meds but he doesn’t accept it.
Take care of yourself and if possible stay away from him. He doesn’t have really anything to offer you but misery and it’s way too uncomfortable!


I’m intrigued at how a relationship like this develops, and impressed you put up with this behavior for over a decade.

Was it always this bad? When were the signs that something was “off”, and what made you stick with it?

I am a recovering alcoholic. I was drinking the whole time. He was fun and enabled my drinking. Once I quit drinking and got my life together I couldn’t take his behavior.

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Ah, that makes sense. Thanks for the straightforward, honest answer.

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Well done for getting out of the relationship. It’s hard work but you have to think about yourself. Your in recovery and that has to come first.

At least he’s taking his injection and that’s important.

Once again well done.


@Ecotec2.2L I do remember when I first met him through my 2nd husband. My husband said he was “crazy” and never had a real girlfriend. I befriended him and found him very gentle and sweet. We became fast friends and that led to romance. I was in a very physically abusive marriage. He helped me get out of it. I honestly didn’t see any “warning signs” until the past couple of years. He was always very kind and adored me. He did have drug problems and that broke us up many times. He would always say he would stop. He went on a drug bender in 2020 and I kicked him out for the final time. Something changed that time. He ignored me for months when I would check on him. He told me later that he was “smoking crack night and day for 3 months”. I broke my foot October 2020 and needed his help. He was no longer the nice guy. In fact he was very mean and callous. We got back together January 2021 but it was never the same. He was always wanting to be away from me (drugs). I caught him lying to me about things. He became VERY secretive. I got tired of him never telling me where he’d been or with who. He said he “thrived on anonymity”.

I moved in April and he helped but I knew it was over for good. He had given me this big long speech about how he was going to pay me back the money he owed me and do better. He got his disability check on 11-3-21 and dissapeared like usual. He texted me a week or so later and I told him I was finally done. His “voices” have gotten really bad the last few years as well. And when I tried to talk to him about changing meds he refused. Then he said he wanted to get a gun. I asked “What if you hallucinate someone is inside the house and shoot me”. He said that wouldn’t happen. I knew I couldn’t live with him anymore.

He was also obsessed with accusing me of cheating. He still says I “ditched” him for someone else. I think its easier for him to blame cheating versus looking at his own behavior.

Sorry so long! I just wanted to give you more background.

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Thanks for sharing, sounds like you’ve had a really hard time. Your amazing for getting out of this - you have so much strength.

Email me -, would be great to talk.