Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

The Worst Aimed at Me

It’s been a while since I’ve last been here and a lot has happened. My boyfriend has schizophrenia and for about 5 months he seemed to be doing well. We started talking about moving in together and working up to save money for a deposit. Things didnt last because my boyfriend decided to smoke marijuana.

Things started to go downhill and in the week of a surgery I had he began to say horrible things. He called me a whore, a slut, and questioned who I’ve slept with. I didnt mind it so much but then his comments kept getting worse and worse. My mental state began to get worse and worse because we talked every day for about 3 hours at a time. The only words I would hear from him were vicious and demanding. Over the weekend I begged him with tears of blood to get help because our relationship wont make it at this rate. I kept begging him and he said he’ll get help.

Two days later he returned back to calling me horrible things so I decided to cut off our conversations everytime he wouldn’t talk about anything else.

Yesterday my boyfriend texted me that he is going to the hospital but wont tell me any information. He believes we need a break and he’ll reach out once he gets out.

My mind isnt in a good place and I’ve had history of suicidal thoughts so this break will be permanent because I cant go down that road again.

I’m so sorry things haven’t gone well with your boyfriend. If it’s been that bad for the last 6 months, I understand why you would break up. It has to be very hard for you.

This is the time to do some kind things for yourself. You tried your best, it isn’t your fault: schizophrenia can create some very bad behaviors that just won’t get better without medications. Please take good care.

The best part of this story would be if he is really going to a hospital to get mental health help. I hope so. You have no legal commitment to him, so maybe it is time for his family to step in, if they will. You DO need to take care of yourself. No one can effectively deal with a loved one or friend with SZ unless they take care of themselves. For those who have an incredibly strong desire, the only hope I know of for a successful relationship is to seek to learn everything possible about the illness. That would be in a support group, reading books like “Surviving Schizophrenia; A Family Manual”, etc.

I dont have much hope at this rate. Regardless of all the research I’ve done on the illness it qont do me any good because he cut me off. His mother isnt much help either. She forbid me to go see him at the hospital because it’s his own fault for being in a terrible state. I respect that but I thought his mom would at least give me updates on him. He hasn’t called me but I at least thought she would keep me updated. Their dynamic is so unhealthy that my therapist theorizes that she wants him to depend on her alone. My boyfriend is her whole world and it revolves around him.

I’m frustrated. Tired and just hopeless. Lonely and sad.

I am so sorry, Blackbird23. My spouse of 24 years is very suspicious of me while feeling safe and secure with his family. We have always had a wonderful relationship so I understand with my head that this change is due to his inner struggles and is not personal, but it still hurts - and even more so as I have always been the one to really put him first. His family does love him dearly, but they live elsewhere and have families of their own, so he is important to them but he can’t be their top priority.

I am glad you are not blaming yourself, even if his mother does. And I can relate to the feelings of frustration, sadness, fatigue and loneliness. Hopelessness, too, at times. I agree that self-care is important for you right now.

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