Hanging out with sz husband tonight. He was ok all day, but had anger outburst tonight. Thankfully he exited the car before he yelled. Now tonight he is irritable and hypersensitive. I basically have to sit here with no tv on. Even my typing is annoying him. I give up.
I’m sure that, like me, you have been extremely patient with your husband.
But his behavior keeps repeating. He keeps making you sad, making you feel bad about yourself. It isn’t fair.
At some point you will have to ask yourself how much you will endure. It is NOT good for you and is not good for him, either, in the long run.
I know you are dedicated to him, as I am dedicated to my husband. But for both of us, we are obviously not doing well and something needs to change.
Are you seeing a therapist or getting any kind of help? Who can you talk to, people you can trust? Do you have a support system?
Humor here, but maybe we need a community of caregivers who have had enough, a quiet and calm living space for women (isn’t it mostly women?) who need a place where they can flourish and be the wonderful people we know they are? I would live there! To be respected and listened to…what a concept!
Humor aside, I hope you find peace, Sage. You care about him and it is difficult. Be strong and do your best to remain the loving and caring person you are.
I do feel like I am sacrificing a lot of myself for him. I do have support from friends and a therapist. But I think you’re right, I think this is not fair for either of us. I can’t take it anymore, and I don’t want to end up hating him. I have to save my soul. We’ve had a good run, but I think both of us have exhausted our resources. He will be better off by himself, getting himself into a good routine. I need to shake him off of me, put in some good boundaries, and learn to enjoy my life by myself. I need to find out who I am apart from him, while keeping the good stuff from him in my mind and in my soul. He can still be a part of my past and I want to quit things while I can still hold on to good memories. I am trying not to be so angry at the illness. It just makes me depressed. It makes everything so unfair. I need to heal. I need to purge this anger from my body. I need to put in the boundary and not let him hurt me anymore.
It’s so very hard to let go though. Easier said than done.
Yes, easier said than done, for sure.
It took me 7 years to divorce an earlier (not mentally ill) husband who was abusive to me on and off. I left him 6 times before the last time when we permanently split up. I was nearly nuts by the time I finally left and I drank myself silly each night for 3 months after that final split. It would have been much better for both of us (and my children) to just have left the first time and stayed gone.
Guilt at leaving is what kept me going back. It is hard to forgive the other person for making you want to leave, and hard to forgive yourself for leaving. However, I know now that leaving was the right thing to do.
I wish you peace.