HELLO! New to Forum - Need Support


#1

Hello. My name’s Olivia. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over a year and a half now. We met in high school and after years of friendship and missed connections we finally started dating. My boyfriend, Dan, is so sweet and nice and funny and unique. He was always thinking and cared a lot about horoscopes and said when he was a kid he made up an imaginary world. I didn’t think anything of it, other than that he is quirky.

A few months into our relationship, my boyfriend (who is an avid pot smoker) ran out of weed and started smoking the K2 from the sketchy guy that lived next door to us. I wasn’t aware of this at first, but noticed it was weird that he was lying on the bed with his legs up on the wall and started crying about his grandmother, saying she was talking to him in a dream. She was alive and well at the time. Then, the next day, he said he had to talk to me. With a serious expression, he said the octopus stuffed animal I had needed to be destroyed. Later he told me that he had talked to the octopus all day and that it was possessed in a positive way by a God named Cthulu. It told him he was special and going to meet aliens and that he was a hero of a future war. Somehow, Dan felt he now had to destroy the octopus before it destroyed us. He stood in front of me as I sat on the bed crying and ran downstairs. I heard him ripping it apart. He then burned the remains outside.

I thought that the K2 had just intensified his strange beliefs, which were usually mild. But I did research and saw that schizophrenia starts in the 20’s (he’s 23) and has a way of fading in and out in levels. I told him this and he said, “Maybe I am.” But he liked his thoughts and for a while after that he was just a horoscope-obsessed, curious, weird guy. I thought it was interesting.

But for the past 4 months or longer, he’s become terrible.

He started researching aliens and at first said that there was a war going on, bigger than anyone could imagine, on April 14. I became concerned but his thoughts weren’t harming or anything. He just kept showing me videos of UFO’s and saying they were real and they were obviously not. He said that he had to start meditating in preparation for the war so he could get his powers - wings, telepathy and the ability to create weapons. He said people were going to die but we would be safe. He kept telling me about consipracy theories and religion (which he never cared about before). He would get mad if I didn’t believe it.

He meditates for hours every day. He has to smoke to meditate. He says it gives him power. He can’t wait for “space weed” from the war. He explained that I had to meditate or I’d be defenseless. I did a few times to be nice. He obsessed over the stories in the Bible and Jesus and said that Michelle Obama had people looking at his Facebook because she was using it to get hints about meditation. Barack Obama is the devil. The government cares he’s alive. There’s agents all over town. If I cry, I’m causing attention to us on purpose. Cars are following him. They know he’s part of a bigger plan. His co-workers at work are trying to murder him every day. THey don’t say this out loud, of course, but whisper it and say it with their minds.

I read that weed does NOT help at all. So I said that if the war doesn’t happen, he has to stop smoking. He confidently said he would, laughing at the idea that it wouldn’t happen. It didn’t. He refused to stop smoking, saying he would break up with me, that it was his life, that I’m bossing him around, that the 14th was a day to gain energy. THe REAL event is on the Monday after Easter. The Illuminati will unveil themselves, everyone - good and bad - will get their wings. They’ll get their powers. He’ll fly. He’ll meet aliens.

I know he’ll never stop smoking weed. I know he’ll have a reason to keep pushing back the date.

The worst part, is that he thinks I’m having an affair with the old, gross, pudgy, crack-head upstairs. He thinks I’m always UP to something. I’m flirting, I’m trying to meet someone. I want him to “go to work on time BECAUSE I’m meeting someone and want him gone.” It hurts my feelings a lot, because through everything I have been trying to support him and understand him. I know I’m not a therapist or a medication, but I was hoping I could keep us together. But it hurts when he says I’m in on the evil plot. I’m evil. I’m a temptress. I am secretly flirting with everyone. I am lying to him.

I have never lied to him for the whole year and a half we’ve been together.

It seems like soon he won’t function anymore. I don’t know how much longer I can get him to keep a job. I don’t know how to stop him from hurting me. He’ll hide from me all day under the covers, saying I’m doing something. He’ll push me forcefully off of him like I’m a disgusting or evil being. He won’t stop smoking weed. He needs it for everything. He thinks everyone cares about his existance and is watching him, waiting for him to slip up. He can’t go out with our friends or he’ll think they’re in on something or plotting to harm him. My parents think he’s bringing me down.

I love him so much. He is the kindest person I’ve ever met. I am crying just thinking about how happy we once were. Going to the zoo. Cuddling. Playing video games. Now he seems so pained. But he says it’s an insult if I say he needs help, that his thoughts are not made up, that he doesnt’ want to be like everyone else.

He doesn’t have health insurance.

We aren’t super rich.

Is there any help for him? Is there any hope for us? Can I help him?

I know a lot of you are going through tougher situations. I know he could get worse. Am I making a mistake by being with him? He is my soul mate. And he knows I am his. He says it every day. He is an amazing, create, kind person. I don’t want to give up. I don’t think I can.

But what can I do?

Thank you so much for reading.


#2

Synthetic marijuana is known to effect the brain chemistry. There are many cases of psychosis, and schizophrenia from smoking it. He might not understand it yet, but his decision of smoking it may effect him for the rest of his life.


#3

There are ways you can lead him into recovery. I proceeded to recover when I completely understood I was ill. Medication play a big role in recovery. Right now he is delusional, he can not determine what is real and what is fake. Try to make him research his illness, and when you do it he will deny it because he doesn’t have insight. Some people take years to come back to their senses. Cognitive behavior therapy is a good technique in recovery. Delusions are very hard to unbelief.


#4

Some people never fully recover from this, some people recover quickly. If you love him and want to stay with him it is going to be a long process to get him back to normal. Keep him far away from the marijuana. I mean far away from it, you probably notice when he smokes he gets even more delusional. Try to get him to a psychiatrist. Where they can diagnosis him and start to medicate him.


#5

Welcome to the forum Olivia.

These two threads may be of interest to you.

http://forum.schizophrenia.com/t/how-do-you-deal-with-the-constant-paranoia-of-your-loved-one/2145?u=barbiebf

http://forum.schizophrenia.com/t/need-advice-quickly-i-dont-know-what-to-do/1797?u=barbiebf

It does sound like K2 has triggered him into psychosis. He is being controlled by his symptoms right now. I know it’s hard to not take his actions personally. His paranoia is causing him to think you are cheating not your actions. I don’t think there is much you can do or not do to have an affect on this. There is probably not to much good you can do trying to argue or reason with him regarding his delusions.

Some of these links may help you to get a better understanding of what is happening to him.
http://www.leapinstitute.org/ - under resources are free videos on using LEAP
LEAP is a way of communicating to build trust. Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner.
http://dramador.com/ - Dr. Xavier Amador is a clinical psychologist whose brother had schizophrenia. He is the founder of the LEAP Institute. Wrote the book: I’m Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! Can buy from his website.
Search Xavier Amador and LEAP on youtube.com and you should find some long videos
http://www.treatmentadvocacycenter.org/index.php - under problems you will see anosognosia
Anosognosia looks like denial but is different.
http://lesswrong.com/lw/e25/bayes_for_schizophrenics_reasoning_in_delusional/ - helped my understand delusions
http://www.schizophrenia.ca/ - Schizophrenia Society of Canada

Can also find some very useful information here:
http://www.schizophrenia.com/

He does need treatment and without it things are probably not going to get any better and may get worse. I recommend contacting NAMI and some early intervention teams.

http://www.nami.org/ - National Alliance on Mental Illness.

Early Psychosis Treatment center information in these two links
http://www.schizophrenia.com/earlypsychosis.htm
http://www.raiseetp.org/sites/

Psychiatric Treatment Centers affiliated with Medical Schools in the USA
http://www.schizophrenia.com/psychcenters.htm

This link may help you find a psychiatrist in your area
http://psychiatrists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php


#6

Olivia I am so sorry you are going through this right now. I can assure you however that you have come to the right place. This site has been very helpful to me since I found it a couple of weeks ago.

Is there any way his family could be of any help in getting him to seek help? Also can you afford to go get help yourself? Sometimes talking to a professional yourself can help you in dealing with him. BarbieBF has given you some good starting points.

I wish you the best.


#7

Damn, sounds eriely like my symptoms before I had my first break. Which resulted in a suicide attempt. I thought there was telepathy and that Illuminati reptillians were after me. And that I’d be raped and tortured if I didn’t commit suicide. I now live in a hell with the delusion that everyone is telepathic and they are reading my mind, because I perceive telepathy coming from everyone. Its like they are watching me and commenting on everything including my state of arousal. Its like being splayed out under a microscope all day long and I cant stop it. The best thing for me is just be left alone, unfortunately thats when the voices kick in. You need to get this guy some help and fast. It sounds like hes already hearing voices there is no telling when it could turn on him. He needs to come to terms with the reality that he is not special that the paranormal is unreal. There are no aliens and there will be no great war. I had similar delusions and I also believed that I might meet an ET if I projected to them. It sounds like hes lost in a pot induced fantasy and he needs to grab hold of reality before it slips away. He doesnt want to be a small irrelevant human being and neither did I, but trust me thats all he/I/everyone is. I feel so stupid now for thinking like I did in those days. Im practically unrecoverable. All my fears manifest into telepathy and voices instantaneously. Thank god that none of that bs is actually real. This kid needs help and quick the sooner the better, before things become solidified in his mind.


#8

Hi Olivia, your boyfriend should know that marijuana is bad news for bringing on schizophrenia. His head may have half baked, kinda pleasant ideas now but this all can go downhill and he may become permanently paranoid and delusional. So get him to give up the marijuana. But do encourage his meditation and spiritual side. Meditation and spirituality are good pursuits. Trust me, there is a God.


#9

THANK YOU EVERYONE FOR YOUR SUPPORT, ADVICE AND INSIGHT! I will try to respond to everyone. It really matters to me. Thank you. I have called my therapist I used to go to. He was there when the K2 incident happened. I requested to meet with him and give him an update. I am hoping he’ll have some answers that don’t involve just leaving Dan.


#10

I have no problem with his love of horoscopes and his belief in the benefits of meditation, even if his schizophrenia have exaggerated the good things that come with it i.e. super powers and reading minds etc.

I have tried numerous times to give up smoking but he refuses, saying it’s the only thing he loves (besides me…) and it makes him happy and we’ll just break up because he’ll be miserable. But I want him to see that it’s not me controlling him, but telling him to help himself. I don’t know how to get him to quit. He is obsessed with it and if he doesn’t have it, he’ll throw a tantrum until I agree to burn our money on it.


#11

@BryanAshley Thank you for sharing you experience. It sounds similar, but a little more extreme I suppose. But I’m guessing if he doesn’t get help, he will get to that point. It scares me. How were you able to realize that all of these things that seemed so real were indeed NOT? He says he is not crazy, that these are real things and there’s no way he’d seek therapy for “seeing the truth.” I have never told him he’s crazy, for the record. Just that he’s hurting me and not treating me right because of his thoughts.

@dontforget623 Thank you for caring. I am hoping to get the support I need and get Dan the support he needs in the process. His mother is in Puerto Rico and he is not in contact with his dad, who seems slightly abusive and very mean, by the stories I have heard over the years. Dan has tried to contact his family to warn them about the upcoming events but they thought he was crazy.

@BarbieBF I will definitely check these out. Thank you.

@chrisjjack Thank you for the comments! I appreciate it! How do I get him to see that weed is bad? I tried to tell him in “his way” by saying it was making him weak for the upcoming events because he relies on it. But it just made him think I was hiding something. How were you able to realize that weed was not good? How did you realize you needed help? I have noticed it is HORRIBLE for his symptoms. But I don’t know how he’ll ever see this. Being schizophrenic, he doesn’t see anything wrong with his thoughts or beliefs and thinks it’s all 100% real. I don’t know what to do. How did you see you were ill?

Again, thank you everyone.


#12

If he is like me then they took his mind.

My first visual hallucination was an alien, they hurt me over the course of the month and i ended up in the hosptial.

Look into it, when people begin randomly spouting things about aliens it’s possible someone took their minds.


#13

I didn’t see I was ill when it all started. Everything was true. But when I was in so much stress I stopped sleeping completely, after 5 days without sleep I decided to kill myself. But in the last second I asked for help instead. I ended up in hospital for 6 months. Maybe hospital is the only way for your bf to stop doing drugs and getting medicated.


#14

I think that @Comatose is right. Start looking into hospitalization before it goes too far. To be honest I don’t know if it will make him mad at you for doing it (I have heard stories of that happening on here), but even if he does, it might be his only chance to get better.
I don’t know exactly how mad it will make him (maybe even furious) but someday he might see that you helped him. I don’t know though. @SurprisedJ, your brother just got hospitalized. How is that going? Do you have any ideas you can share here? I know nothing about hospitals, but it SOUNDS like a good idea to me, but you know better than I do.
For being such a good and caring person I would like to present you with the highest honor I give on here.
The jelly bean hug.
-0-
^ because it looks like a jelly bean :smile:


#15

I keep re-reading this over and over trying to think of some honestly helpful advice. The most urgent advice is… You are coming to the stage that you can NOT do this alone. He’s going to get worse. I’m sorry to say it, and I’m not trying to sound horrid, but if he won’t get help and he is still insisting on smoking pot, and he’s angry at you and accusing you of stuff and his paranoia is going off the scale, then he is going to get worse with no professional help.

Every behavior you mentioned, BarbieBf was able to show is part of this illness. What you describe sounds all too familiar for me too. I’ve been through this circus a few times before. Even when I was sure I was all healed, I tried some pot and almost destroyed 5 years of hard work.

Everything you say he’s doing, I’ve sadly done. He’s headed for a crash. I’ve crashed and I’ve watched my brother crash. We did end up in hospital.

I have a love/ hate relationship with hospitalization. First, I hated it, but my parents couldn’t talk sense into me. They couldn’t make me take my meds or get me to stop drugs. The hospital could. I had to go through detox, and rehab and get stabilized. It took hospitalization and meds.

The meds will never work as long as he’s so far out of his head on pot… the doc’s won’t have any idea what part is the pot and what part is the illness. It sounds like there is just no way you can do this on your own and as far as telling you… “Just keep away from the pot”

He’s in no shape to listen. He’s scared I bet and he might see pot as the relief from the symptoms… too bad it only makes them worse in the long run. I used to drink to quiet my voices… only to have them come back worse when I was hung over and weak. I smoked pot to try and get rid of the paranoia… only to have it hit worse when it wore off. I can see him having a tantrum about no pot… he’s probably seeing it as his last hope. I bet he’s scared out of his head… Even when I was starting to crumble, there were parts of me that knew I wasn’t doing well.

The fact that he’s accusing you of always being up to something is a huge sign that his paranoia is going off the scale. The fact that he’s starting to physically push you away could be that his visual hallucinations are distorting everything.

My kid sis who is my best friend and has been a huge factor in my remission uses the analogy of a hurt family pet. Usually the family dog is amazing, but when it’s hurt, it’s also scared out of it’s head and will snap and bite at anything, even it’s beloved human.

I bet both of you are scared, I can understand why your parents are scared for you. For you… I’m glad your not worrying about his belief in supernatural and trying to deal with the paranoia. Just keep reassuring him your still by his side, and just say your sorry he thinks your cheating on him… keep reaffirming that you would never do that. You can’t convince him… but you can restate that you’re actions calmly. Don’t argue it, just walk away once you state your position in a calm cool manner.

If he does end up in hospital, he might go through an anger phase where he doesn’t want to talk to anyone because he’s sure they were all in on it. But once the doc’s stabilize him and he starts to get back to lucid, he’ll remember his love for you and hopefully begin to get back to that.

This is going to be so hard for you to do… but please don’t take his accusations personally… picture his head short circuiting. The info isn’t processing correctly, the computer in his head is crashing.

Please… 100 times please find a support group for YOU too. Don’t try and take this bad boy SZ on all by yourself. You love him, you want to take care of him… you need back up. My sister’s SZ group magically opened the door to resources that my family never knew about and gave her ideas that helped me and gave her a way to keep our friendship in tack when I was in no condition to do so. It’s not just him suffering… it’s you as well… get a support group for you as well.

I honestly believe that my kid sisters support group was a huge factor in her strength.

Keep posting here and getting ideas.

I really hope the both of you get through this in tack. I’m rooting for you.


#16

I also wanted to share that I was away from home for a year before I was ready to come back to my family. (Husband and kids). I have no memories from the first months in hospital. I don’t remember my husband visiting me. I didn’t want anyone to visit me. I was angry and scared scared of the voices and ghosts and trolls poking me. Scared of what ppl would think about me. Scared that social services would take my children. Scared that I’d lose my job.

But nothing of that happened. Everything turned slowly to the better. I got insight in hospital. Misfires in my brain causing hallucinations. I decided to trust the pdoc. Even when voices keep telling me meds are poison. I tell them NO!


#17

K2 and spice are not good. I know someone without schizophrenia who is addicted to it and we’ve all cut ties with him. It is also illegal here now. I don’t touch that stuff, it really hurts people. It’s a drug like any other drug and it’s stupid.

LSD is safer than that crap!! that stuff can cause heart attacks and permanent psychosis. I watched a few videos on soldiers and others advising not to use it.


#18

My youngest brother has been in detox and rehab for almost a month now. He’s a little more lucid, but not much. He has NO memory of threatening to kill our sister or threatening to kill his girl friend. He has no memory of stealing our sisters car, drunk driving, crashing through our parent’s gate and trying to burn our parents house down.

To him… it’s all “US” we’re the ones doing this to him… we’re all "IN ON IT"
So he’s in a deep in anger phase. The docs are still trying to diagnose him because his needle is like a Richter scale during a Tsunami… just all over the board. His mental earthquake is off the chart. He’s still under court ordered treatment.

My sis and I haven’t seen him yet. Having been there… I know he will either be ashamed that we saw him like that or he’ll have NO idea we were even there in the first place.

My sis says she just doesn’t have the balls to see him just yet. She doesn’t want to see him completely wrecked out of his head. She saw me like that a few times before I was hospitalized, and it really hurt her.

So she knows where he is and that he’s safe and getting help. When he can stop screaming cuss words and climbing the walls, she’ll have the strength to see him then. Our parents have gone and seen him and they finally support our sisters decision on waiting until John is back in his head and more self-controlled. So we wait… and wait some more.


#19

So the redhead won that one :wink: Glad to hear it.


#20

:smile: Our brother Jack kept saying that our little Redhead sis is very passively stubborn.

Jack kept telling me not to worry and he’s seen it 100 times before.
She won’t yell or huff, or pout, but she will win. :thumbsup: Passive Resistance.

The student surpassed the Zen Master. :wink: