Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Hold on or Move on? Please help!


#1

I am new here and feeling very lost and alone with all I am dealing with. I have known my boyfriend for 25 years. We dated in highschool briefly and reconnected a couple of years ago and have been dating about a year and a half. I have always known him to be fun, laid back and very loving. He was all these things when we 1st started dating but about a year in he went into pychosis. He will not take medication but has gotten extremely better the past 6 months without them but still says odd things and is very paranoid. He is the most loving petson i have been with and claims he loves me so deeply. However, he can hear a story about someone cheating and then breaks up with me and says we ar not good for each other but then within a week is back at my door. He has done this at least 8 times to me in the last 7 months. But this time he was watching a show and they were talking about stds and the next day he tells me he has symptoms of an std goes to the doctor spend 300 and is convinced i cheated on him and gave him an std. Which i have never cheated on him…we are waiting on his results and its a long 4 days to wait. He broke up with me of coarse. Im just very hurt and looking for advice. Why does he always target me when he has an episode if he claims to love me so much? Does he really believe all these things he says about me when he is having an episode? His heart is what keeps me hanging on because i feel that all the other is the illness talking but this std delusion has really pushed me into a hopeless state of thinking. I love him so much and when its his heart speaking we are amazing but this other is horrific. Do i leave? Is there hope? Do we have a future? I don’t know if i should hang on or leave for my own sanity?Sorry this is so long. I am so glad i found this forum. I have nobody else that would understand to talk to. And i must mention that i did not know till a few months in that he had sz.


#2

I am so very sorry that you are going through this deep emotional stress. It hurts when someone says or does things we don’t understand, but the answer to both of your questions above is pretty simple to me: Yes, he believes all these things he says about you: it is impossible to break a delusion and he is delusional (it’s a symptom of sz). And the reason he targets you is simple too: the MI generally always target those who are closest to them and trying to help them. Sad but true if you read enough stories on this site.

There is hope, but I am pretty certain that it depends totally on if and when he finds the right medication and stays on it. Personally, I wouldn’t blame you if you ended the relationship if he’s broken up with you because of delusions 8 times in 7 months. Probably, and this is my best guess, that behavior will only continue until you feel like a basket case yourself.

I left an abusive husband of 17 years and 4 kids because the regular occasional hatred and blame towards me just never ended. And he was not MI. Just mean at times. In between the episodes was kindness and love, but after years of emotional and sometimes physical abuse I was losing my own self respect, my mind, and my will to live. Finally, I had no hope left. I left suddenly and with no notice, and got divorced long distance. It was the best decision I made to leave that emotional roller coaster. That was 10 years ago.


#3

Thank you for responding, i am so greatful. Your wisdom definately helps. And i think you are so right…this will keep happening. The weird thing is, even though i know this I am always blindsided!


#4

My gf is schizophrenic
You should look up videos on non violent communication
That helped us so much in our relationship!
We communicate thoroughly and extensively
And we work through delusions…
It’s very powerful
But I suggest strengthening your communication techniques if you want it to work…
Also you have to incorporate very strong understanding techniques
You also have to understand that your relationship with him will be unique compared to someone else’s relationship…
It will be beautiful
But there’s a struggle
But you can find ways to manage through…
I think all humans have delusions to an extent.
I’ve been with my gf for more than 8years
I’m 28
She’s 30
But we’ve learned many ways to work with things…
Schedule and planning is very helpful!
But communication is the utmost important with unconditional love in your heart.
Be clear with yourself when you communicate your needs as well…
And see about communicating some solutions without letting your biased opinion get in the way…
Idk
Hope this helps!
Good luck! :slight_smile:


#5

Thank you for sharing with me. I really do try to love where we are but its very hard when the person breaks up and doesn’t and wont speak to you for days because of imagined reasons. Its always shockong when it happens because the delisions just keep getting stranger. Now I have an std? It is just very draining and sad because i do love him very much.


#6

I bet…
I try and talk about the possibilities
That can be anyone’s delusion ,is the way I see it…
Try to do positive things together …
Unfortunately I feel like for someone who needs work themselves will struggle being in a relationship with a unique individual unless you are the type to grow into the best person spiritually mentally and physically…
Since that’s kind of what you are asking of them…
You can be. Positive influence on him
But if you feel like you aren’t of any benifit to him in anyway then maybe you can let him go…
I don’t know you whatsoever
I just know personally
I have a lot of problems in general
Things I have to work out
But I have grown significantly in this relationship from the challenges and the struggles
My eyes have grown to be more understanding
And my habits are more purified
And hers as well
I see things in terms of habits…
I believe in change
And purification of habits for anybody …
I also believe in the power of the mind
I had schizophrenia when I was younger
But now I have strong psyche abilities…
I think schizophrenia is one of the greatest misunderstood diseases
And in a society where they breed these people …
I think sicknesses are spiritual to the core
I heard the statistics of coming out psychotic in big cities is extremely high compared to living in a urban environment in nature…


#7

I believe that all of us who care for a person with this awful illness feel exactly the same way. It IS very draining and sad. Love is forever, and unfortunately, in most cases schizophrenia is a lifelong disease so is basically forever too. It is a wild, wild roller-coaster ride that most of us wish would stop. I am lucky that for now, life is calm with my daughter, while she is medicated. Good luck in making the right decision for yourself. You must consider your own self first.