I hope that perhaps your brother will somehow end up on a long lasting injection. It was only because of the courts that my daughter ended up on one in 2019 and is still doing well on it today. I was able to ask the judge for his help to ensure medicine compliance, and he did order mandatory meds.
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@oldladyblue I have told your story of how you handled things in court so many times. People worry about testifying āagainstā their family member in court and you handled it beautifully by telling the judge the story from your daughterās perspective.
When Mikeās brain mets were causing frightening visual hallucinations, I was able to use your experience. He was terrified and trying to escape his bed despite having a newly repaired broken hip on one side and a broken femur and cracked hip on the other (bone mets). I wasnāt strong enough to keep him in bed. He would collapse from the pain onto the floor when he did try to stand. I called the hospice, they sent the nurse, she arrived and while holding Mike in bed, I explained to the nurse the issue. I pointed to the empty wall next to the bed and told her āthese people here are frightening him terriblyā. She understood immediately and the look of trust on Mikeās face as he nodded in agreement - I was so grateful to oldladyblue for making that moment possible.
She called immediately for Mike to be transferred via ambulance to an inpatient hospice facility.
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I do so appreciate being able to read here about other peopleās experiences and insights.
I discussed with my therapist on Tuesday about my recent experience, about 2 wks. ago now, with calling the police when my son w/sz against my insistence showed up at my house, and they served him with a trespass warning. My take away from my therapy session was that I can tend to over-think things and doubt myself with how I handle things. No big epiphany there, lol, but it helps to have it mirrored back to me, so I can be more aware. Though, Iām applying more self-trust to other decision-making, when it comes to inter-acting and knowing what to do regarding re-connecting with him, if heās interested, Iām still feeling so stymied by uncertainty. I know at some level that my mind is making a bigger deal out of it than necessary, but prior bad outcomes inform that knot-in-my-gut feeling when I think about it.
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I found online that my countyās library has the book here recomād - Dr. Amadorās āIām Not Sick. I Donāt Need Helpā book, and I put it on hold and picking it up tomorrow.
Iāve looked into the also highly recmād here NAMI Family to Family online class, and I just missed the only one in my state just starting with itās first class prior to my finding it.
But, I will take the next one.
Hope all here and yours well being.
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Hi, I also feel that my mind overthinks things and I have trauma from all the fearful experiences I have had with my son over the past 12 years. I try to remember that it is one day at a time and sometimes 1 minute at a time. I did the Nami Family to Family in 2019, and I really liked it. Now I go to monthly Nami meetings in my area, two of the people who attend have schizophrenic sons that are my sonās age. None of our son ās are taking meds now and it is not going well for any of them. Boundaries are what I am setting so much more now, out of fear and I need to have somewhat of a life of my own. Hugs to all of us for our efforts great efforts for our loved ones.
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So comforting not to be alone, knowing now others have experienced what I have. It lifts some of the angst. Once now along ago, when we were living together, he went up in the attic un-beknown to me at the time, said he was hearing voices up there, and fell through the ceiling into the garage. I didnāt have the extra funds to fix it for a long, long time. But finally another son of mine had the time and had acquired the materials and we turned a portion, that portion, of the garage into what is now become my bedroom, fixing it, too! Sometimes thinking about it now, gives me a chuckle, but geesh not then!
Itās great though that you have found others at your local NAMI with whom share like experience. Just found out that my countyās NAMI family support group meets twice a month only online.
Uncertainty is what makes dealing with our unmedicated family members so difficult. We feel as though we never do know if we are making the right decision. Some decisions worked out, other decisions didnāt work out.
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So true. That is a very good point.
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Hi, I always look back over my sonā s life and think, āWell, if I had done this differently, he would be so much better, or if I had been tougher on him, maybe he would be functioning and living a more ānormalā life. But who knows! We will never knowā¦.We just can do the best we can in our situations.
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Yes, there often isnāt a right or wrong decision, just people trying to do our best.
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That about sums it up, people who care about our loved one.
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It is best not to think too much about the past decisions and realize we did our best.
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Yes, @irene, rethinking what might have been is a dangerous black hole in my mind. I try to stop myself from doing it unless it is helping me to make some future necessary decision. Otherwise, reimagining the past often just depresses me and it is best to avoid at all costs doing anything to depress myself.
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[quote=āhope, post:981, topic:3152ā]
I explained to the nurse the issue. I pointed to the empty wall next to the bed and told her āthese people here are frightening him terriblyā. She understood immediately and the look of trust on Mikeās face as he nodded in agreement - I was so grateful to oldladyblue for making that moment possible. [quote]
Oh @hope thank you for posting the above. It touches me to know that my courtroom explanation to the judge with my daughter present (āShe talks to people up thereā as I pointed upward at the empty ceiling) helped you and Mike too. I am lucky that the right words just came to me in those precious seconds I had to speak to the judge and that he understood.
We do try our best to help our loved ones.
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So true, It is best to try not to think of depressing things from the past. I used to blame myself a lot that my son was ill. I am trying to change my thoughts to positive ones, not always successful. I have to remember that I didnāt cause it, I canāt change it, and I can āt cure it.Thanks for all your kind, helpful posts over the years. 
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So many people worry about ātestifyingā in a courtroom āagainstā their family member. Your method was just brilliant.
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@irene New parents at the family support group always looked so devastated when they were told the 3 Cās of caregiving. I didnāt Cause it, I canāt Control it and I canāt Cure it. The newbies are always either caught up in blaming themselves, or trying desperately to control or cure their family memberās scz.
There is another C - its Cope. If you listen and keep educating yourself AND consider all possibilities as possible, you can find a way to Cope.
Cope may not sound like much, but when you get there, itās everything.
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Yes, to cope! That never really came up in my classes or support groups, but that is a positive C for sure. There is always something, something that can be done about it to help us cope with the overwhelm that schizophrenia causes.
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Starting to think that Coping is the key, not letting this awful illness take over the parents life too is what we have to strive for.
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Yes, just like they have to find a way forward living with schizophrenia, we have to find a way forward for ourselves.
For many of us there is a calling to fix things and get our family members back on their life track. That calling does make us put our own needs second, which does feel right, but is wrong.
Our family members have a life track - a journey- of their own. Family to Family encourages us to give up all of our old expectations and to open our minds to their new possibilities. Possible being the key word. Those possibilities may be operating under severe limitations as our family members learn how to manage their lives. Adjustments can take years.
We have to find a way to take care of ourselves right away, it can be hard to find the thing that will help us stop fixating on our family members. We must try.
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