Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How many people here are dealing with a spouse?

Also, @anotherbeliever my boyfriend is able to turn it off quick as well in a second, when he knows he needs to, such as if someone that doesn’t know of his situation walks in, or the police or at the hospital. It’s so absurd right ? But feels comforting to know so many of us have dealt with similar situations but wish that none of us had to!

Wish you and everyone on this forum all the best !

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Not doing fantastic but not awful either. Hubs was released 10 days ago after he spent 9 days in invol hospitalization after I had to get a court order. He quit taking his meds about 6 months ago - just up and quit taking them altogether. After them working like a charm for 18 yrs, then they stopped working well, then he stopped taking them. He kept getting worse and worse. The last couple of weeks before the court order, he wasn’t sleeping, eating, just paranoid, drinking too much (I believe to drown out the ever loudening voices) and pacing the house, yelling at the voices. And when I woke up and he was standing over me, saying he was guarding me for safety, thats when I quit sleeping when he wasn’t sleeping. So for 3 days, I only slept when he did, maybe 2 hrs a nite. I was exhausted. I hid the knives. My husband would NEVER harm me. But I never knew when the voices would take over and tell him to do something he would wake up regretting for the rest of his life. So I got the court order (I live in Texas now)

He was angry for a few hours and then he was ok. He was put on Risperidone and Depakote. Until he got home and the Risperidone was making him too sleepy during the day. He quit taking his daytime dose. The hospital gave him 7 days worth of meds. A woman from mental health came out a couple of days ago for a 4 hr eval (financial, psych, social, crisis, everything but medication). He had a zoom appt today with the med management dr today (day 9 but since he had quit taking his daytime meds, he had some left to get by until today). The zoom wasn’t working and he refused to do it on the phone. Said he wanted a REAL dr in REAL life. So I had to scramble and find a dr that takes our insurance that could see him soon and got him an appt in 2 weeks. So he’s not going to have any meds for 2 weeks. Yeah. He went back to work after a year off this past week and it’s going well, he’s only had a couple of job so far (he’s a handyman) with excellent reviews. While I’m happy about that and he held it together for those jobs, not sure how long that will last.

Anyway, I’m glad that he’s open to meds. Told the therapist (whos coming back to our home every week for therapy) he doesn’t want meds but he’s doing it for me, so we’ll see how long that lasts. Almost everyday since he’s been back he’s threatened to leave me. His anger is still out of control. He’s never threatened me or raised a hand at me but he yells and calls me names and blames me for sleeping with half of my town, which is the most ridiculous thing in the world. I’ve never even given him a cause to worry but he’s super paranoid about it. I never go anywhere without him. Today I went and got ,my hair done. About an hour into my appt, he called and asked me what the address was. I told him and he said he was coming to get some cash. Bank is nearby, so why? He showed up, saw me with my hair in foil, gave me a kiss, and left without case, said he’d go to the bank. I know he was checking to make sure I was truly getting my hair done. Surprised he didn’t wait right there with me. Usually what he does.

I hope when they give him another med, he gives it a shot. Like at least a month. Every med out there is going to give side effects, especially the first few weeks but u get used to them. I wish he would consider injectables. Then I wouldn’t hafta worry about whether or not he’s taking them. He doesn’t want that, as he feels he has no control (like he can’t stop taking them, I guess).

Thanks for asking! Sorry I wrote a novel! Take care! How r u struggling? Let me know if I can help! Hang in there!

Marci

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I have been in abusive relationships in the past. I have to say if my bf were to ever be abusive I would leave him. I deal with his illness…the excessive sleeping, etc but wont ever deal with abuse again.

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I don’t think it’s a long story at all. And I don’t feel so alone because I realize there’s others like myself in similar situations. My story is long too.
How do you do it every day ? I get so overwhelmed.
I admire you and I understand what you are doing is absolutely incredible. I’m also standing by my husband but it is soooo hard.
I feel blessed at least I have somewhere to post my mind and share with people in same situation . Hope things stabilize for you. Keep me posted.

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This is so true. I feel like we live in another world.

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Its like a switch. Almost like they have some type control but yet they dont think anything is wrong with them. Iny case he likes to manipulate and to control me.

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Hi Marci.
23 years ago my husband had his first psychosis.
Going through it again now.
I hate this illness.
It breaks me everytime

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Spouse here. An one in pain. You said it perfectly when you said what we have lost. It’s hard not looking at what once was to what is now. It’s hard sometimes not walking away because unlike with your kids, parents…it’s logistically easy. But leaving someone you love, you’ve built happy memories with as well isn’t easy. For better or worse and in sickness and in health. We made commitments. Marriage isn’t ever easy but when you’ve married someone with the issues our spouses deal with only to see it manifest later in the marriage is like waking up to a stranger, having arguments that go in circles because there is never a solution or end. Worrying that this one argument will flip that terrifying switch and seeing what resembles the spouse you love look at you and see nothing in their eyes… complete absence of emotion. To explain over and over why they need their meds knowing what their reaction would be. Understanding that you logic or logic of others isn’t ever going to be theirs because they have their own logic and it can’t be refuted. You have support on here. I have and sometimes it good just knowing there are others that understand and we are a very select group because out spouses can be lovely people to others, they don’t have a sign on their head or obvious signs of illness. So people react to what they see and having the support of others can be hard so it leaves us feeling so alone.

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Husband of 5 years here who married his best friend (we met when we were 11 - she was my first kiss :smiling_face_with_three_hearts::pensive::pleading_face::sob:) Wife in her 3rd episode right now. Have decided that she needs help and that is my focus. Then for the first time in 4 years I’m putting myself first. Can’t continue like this unfortunately.

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