Also, @anotherbeliever my boyfriend is able to turn it off quick as well in a second, when he knows he needs to, such as if someone that doesn’t know of his situation walks in, or the police or at the hospital. It’s so absurd right ? But feels comforting to know so many of us have dealt with similar situations but wish that none of us had to!
Wish you and everyone on this forum all the best !
Not doing fantastic but not awful either. Hubs was released 10 days ago after he spent 9 days in invol hospitalization after I had to get a court order. He quit taking his meds about 6 months ago - just up and quit taking them altogether. After them working like a charm for 18 yrs, then they stopped working well, then he stopped taking them. He kept getting worse and worse. The last couple of weeks before the court order, he wasn’t sleeping, eating, just paranoid, drinking too much (I believe to drown out the ever loudening voices) and pacing the house, yelling at the voices. And when I woke up and he was standing over me, saying he was guarding me for safety, thats when I quit sleeping when he wasn’t sleeping. So for 3 days, I only slept when he did, maybe 2 hrs a nite. I was exhausted. I hid the knives. My husband would NEVER harm me. But I never knew when the voices would take over and tell him to do something he would wake up regretting for the rest of his life. So I got the court order (I live in Texas now)
He was angry for a few hours and then he was ok. He was put on Risperidone and Depakote. Until he got home and the Risperidone was making him too sleepy during the day. He quit taking his daytime dose. The hospital gave him 7 days worth of meds. A woman from mental health came out a couple of days ago for a 4 hr eval (financial, psych, social, crisis, everything but medication). He had a zoom appt today with the med management dr today (day 9 but since he had quit taking his daytime meds, he had some left to get by until today). The zoom wasn’t working and he refused to do it on the phone. Said he wanted a REAL dr in REAL life. So I had to scramble and find a dr that takes our insurance that could see him soon and got him an appt in 2 weeks. So he’s not going to have any meds for 2 weeks. Yeah. He went back to work after a year off this past week and it’s going well, he’s only had a couple of job so far (he’s a handyman) with excellent reviews. While I’m happy about that and he held it together for those jobs, not sure how long that will last.
Anyway, I’m glad that he’s open to meds. Told the therapist (whos coming back to our home every week for therapy) he doesn’t want meds but he’s doing it for me, so we’ll see how long that lasts. Almost everyday since he’s been back he’s threatened to leave me. His anger is still out of control. He’s never threatened me or raised a hand at me but he yells and calls me names and blames me for sleeping with half of my town, which is the most ridiculous thing in the world. I’ve never even given him a cause to worry but he’s super paranoid about it. I never go anywhere without him. Today I went and got ,my hair done. About an hour into my appt, he called and asked me what the address was. I told him and he said he was coming to get some cash. Bank is nearby, so why? He showed up, saw me with my hair in foil, gave me a kiss, and left without case, said he’d go to the bank. I know he was checking to make sure I was truly getting my hair done. Surprised he didn’t wait right there with me. Usually what he does.
I hope when they give him another med, he gives it a shot. Like at least a month. Every med out there is going to give side effects, especially the first few weeks but u get used to them. I wish he would consider injectables. Then I wouldn’t hafta worry about whether or not he’s taking them. He doesn’t want that, as he feels he has no control (like he can’t stop taking them, I guess).
Thanks for asking! Sorry I wrote a novel! Take care! How r u struggling? Let me know if I can help! Hang in there!
Marci
I have been in abusive relationships in the past. I have to say if my bf were to ever be abusive I would leave him. I deal with his illness…the excessive sleeping, etc but wont ever deal with abuse again.
I don’t think it’s a long story at all. And I don’t feel so alone because I realize there’s others like myself in similar situations. My story is long too.
How do you do it every day ? I get so overwhelmed.
I admire you and I understand what you are doing is absolutely incredible. I’m also standing by my husband but it is soooo hard.
I feel blessed at least I have somewhere to post my mind and share with people in same situation . Hope things stabilize for you. Keep me posted.
This is so true. I feel like we live in another world.
Its like a switch. Almost like they have some type control but yet they dont think anything is wrong with them. Iny case he likes to manipulate and to control me.
Hi Marci.
23 years ago my husband had his first psychosis.
Going through it again now.
I hate this illness.
It breaks me everytime
Spouse here. An one in pain. You said it perfectly when you said what we have lost. It’s hard not looking at what once was to what is now. It’s hard sometimes not walking away because unlike with your kids, parents…it’s logistically easy. But leaving someone you love, you’ve built happy memories with as well isn’t easy. For better or worse and in sickness and in health. We made commitments. Marriage isn’t ever easy but when you’ve married someone with the issues our spouses deal with only to see it manifest later in the marriage is like waking up to a stranger, having arguments that go in circles because there is never a solution or end. Worrying that this one argument will flip that terrifying switch and seeing what resembles the spouse you love look at you and see nothing in their eyes… complete absence of emotion. To explain over and over why they need their meds knowing what their reaction would be. Understanding that you logic or logic of others isn’t ever going to be theirs because they have their own logic and it can’t be refuted. You have support on here. I have and sometimes it good just knowing there are others that understand and we are a very select group because out spouses can be lovely people to others, they don’t have a sign on their head or obvious signs of illness. So people react to what they see and having the support of others can be hard so it leaves us feeling so alone.
Husband of 5 years here who married his best friend (we met when we were 11 - she was my first kiss 
) Wife in her 3rd episode right now. Have decided that she needs help and that is my focus. Then for the first time in 4 years I’m putting myself first. Can’t continue like this unfortunately.
I am so sorry for the pain you are going through. My situation sucks, but not in the same way as yours. My husband and I have been married about the same time as you but found each other much later in life… 2nd marriages for each of us. As far as putting yourself first it’s so so hard. But it goes back to the airplane scenario. You have to give yourself oxygen to save them. I am slowly learning that. I am autoimmune. Every fight, argument or stressor rips apart my system. It either sends me into into flare or makes me more subseptable to other things. Stress can become inflammation and inflammation can become literal pain. So then I am tasked with handling the physical pain along side the stressor of dealing with his current state. I don’t say all this because I want pity. I am saying this to help you understand that sometimes when we don’t take care of ourselves the results aren’t silent, they aren’t shove to the back of your brain things to deal with later because it all effects you. And what effects you effects them. So neither of you are being taken care of. All the best.
I agree with you. My wife and I lived what I thought was a blissful marriage for 31 years. Then last year she developed psychosis which stole this life from us.
I was hoping this would be brief (maybe a month, from my early readings on psychosis) but, alas, not us. Ten months later and the psychosis still has a firm grip on her. Like most other situations I’ve read, “I’m not sick,” “I don’t need and will never take meds.”
Dealing with a spouse is hugely different from dealing with a sibling or a child. Again, I agree with other posts that all of this is very difficult to deal with. I glad you called out the spousal situation. I’d be happy to join a spouse group.
Hoping the best for you and others.
I am so sorry for your situation. It is a long journey. I have been on this journey with my wife for ten months. I don’t have any expectation that it will get better soon (or, possibly, ever). I just don’t want to set up hopes only to be let down.
A person who recovered from psychosis wrote that when you are caregiving remember one thing. That although your loved one may not be recognizable to you, that it is still them in their. There will be good moments. There will be many hard moments. You will be living in a very new reality of what your world will be; what your days will be. If you can find a way to be at peace with this new reality then maybe there is a chance that you will be able to stick it out and be there for your wife and your children.
There is no right or wrong answer in this. My situation is very different from yours. My kids are grown so I don’t have this worry. My wife and I had such a beautiful, loving relationship for 32 years. As much as all of our hopes and dreams for a retirement of fun, travel, grandkids, etc are all but gone, I will never leave her side. She has been there for me (and everyone else) all of her life. I will be there for her until the end.
If I had young children I honestly don’t know what I would do. I hope your wife seeks and is willing to participate in medical care. I hope for you and your family to find some better future. All the best to you.
Spouse, here. I was thinking the same as I read post after post about parent-child situations and challenges and was feeling that dealing with a spouse is so very different than dealing with a child. I am happy to participate in spousal caregiving forums if one exists.
I am new to this site. I am not very familiar with the navigation around this site. I also am not glued to it every day. But if you need an ear I can certainly try to help.
Cheers, all
Kevin
I’m glad I found this group I need someone to talk to and I don’t think many others can truly understand. Reading through these stories makes me feel less alone. Here goes my story and first time experiencing a schizophrenic episode. I had been dating him for 2 years and never seen him ever lose his cool, I’ve always known a kind, compassionate, caring man, he had always been loving and sweet and quite literally the best man I’ve ever dated. We were not aware of his condition aside from PTSD from some trauma as a child and in the military. Our only issue being together was that I disliked him when he drank so we “stopped” drinking altogether. I believe the episode started on a 2 week vacation in Portugal. Which is important to note because he had never left the country or been around everyone speaking a different language for 2 weeks straight. Since we were on vacation we thought a few drinks wouldn’t hurt throughout the end of our trip. One night, (no drinking involved on this day) he wanted to have sex but I had a long day, we had a memorial church ceremony for my grandfather at night and my gma was in the next room so I had said no and he went to bed upset… then I slept in and he went out in the morning. He picked me up when I texted him and we went into the city and sat at a plaza. I ordered espresso and he ordered a beer…. I gave him a hard time about drinking (even though we had been drinking beers like when we went to the street parties and we were on vaca so I got over it quick) After that he ordered a margarita and midway through said he already had 2 before he picked me up… so I was annoyed but I was like screw it and also had a margarita. after that we went and got ice cream and I ordered a sangria and he drank another beer… he lost my wallet so I lost my temper on him but then we found it from the cashier and I was like ok you’re done drinking we’re leaving. He didn’t want to come so I waited for him at a bench. He came down the stairs and I called his name and waved him over. He didn’t come, said he didn’t see me (really did thought he did) and he walked the other way. anyway, so now I’m calling and texting him and he isn’t answering - which I later learned he forgot his passcode and locked himself out, so I’m pissed and start walking home, finally I get in touch w him but I’m already half way back to the house and he can’t find the car. He gets back at around the same time I did and my gma asked him where I went he was trying to explain bc he doesn’t speak Portuguese and then i heard this as I walked up the street and I tell her he got drunk in the city, so I left him there. Then he was outside yelling this guy across the streets name wanting to fight him and I got him to come inside where my gma was like wtf making him drink milk and bread to sober up…. We went upstairs and I was like that all was unacceptable etc so he smashes his head on the mirror breaking my late grandfathers antique mirror, bleeding. I freaked out bc like wtf thought the dude was about to die or pass out. Wrapped his head, and he ended up being fine. We eventually went to sleep much later… at this point I’m so aggravated with him and I have no idea about this illness… the next day I was on the phone with my dad telling him about things and my boyfriend had said something about me getting raped when I was younger by the guy across the street to my dad so I was like wtf and slapped him… I was so mad he would do that to me… after that I told him that I need to go back to my parents for a little when we return to America - that I didn’t want to break up but I was really upset and needed a break. So fast forward to the night we got back which was about 2 days later. We came back to a destroyed home (we lived in a conversion bus built by him so we could travel the country) but everything was a mess bc of our dogs anxiety (we did have a care taker for them but they were still staying at the bus) and the fridge had went out so there were thousands of maggots in it. We got the fridge out and cleaned up then went to bed, but had to wake up for work the next day. This was the day of the incident, we both worked. He had a stressful day as a business owner but aside from that it was a normal day… he asked if I wanted to go get dinner since we had no fridge of food. I was supposed to get my car back from my cousin bc I let him borrow it while I was away and had coordinated after work to get it. So I was explaining to my boyfriend how my cousin was going to pick me up and I was gonna drive him back and then we could get dinner after that. He acted like he was coming, so I was just like “do you mind if I just go I just need a little space…” he was kinda like oh… ok… like don’t you want to get dinner first… so I was like okay I’ll just have my cousin get me tomorrow. During dinner we were discussing all the things that happened towards the end of our trip and I was explaining how I just don’t feel good about what he did and I was going to take a couple weeks at my parents to clear my head…. He was super upset. Wanted to take a shower with me and I was just like no let’s do separate ones pls and he was like wtf and I was like why are you pressuring me and so he ended up taking a longer one bc I said that and wanted to go to sleep. After that there was weird vibes and I took a shower and laid down in bed. He took his pants off and started jerking off…. I asked him to please stop. He wasn’t stopping and then he started saying shit like give me a blow job and I’m like no stop He wouldnt stop. So i was like listen we’re both tired I’m gonna go to my cousins for the night we can talk tomorrow and w/e. He still wouldnt stop so I called my cousin and my boyfriend freeeeaked like who are you calling, the cops??! I told him no my cousin and then he was like oh ok that’s fine as long as it’s only your cousin. Then 2 secs later like who the f are you calling then was like I’m gonna break your phone is it the cops… so he comes after me for my phone. Didn’t hit me but was grabbing me super aggressively trying to take my phone but I wouldn’t let him. I managed to run to his moms who lived on the same property and banged on her door like HELP. She comes outside and there happend to be a cop in his cruiser monitoring traffic across the street and boyfriend saw them and thought we called so he told his mom to give him her phone bc he was going to break it. She gave it to him and he got on the ground and started smashing her phone, then he went back to our place and his mom made me go to her house and brought me there to hide… he came back up and told us that he had shot the cops. Then he had been talking to his mom and sister and looked at me and was like we should rape her… his mom was like wtf… Then was like we should kill her and started to walk towards me and had grabbed me by the hair. His sister got in between and I ran. I didnt see any cop in the car… so I was thinking he really did shoot them. So I ran, barefoot and in booty shorts down the street and into the woods scared for my life stepping on thorns and who knows what, but I didn’t want to die… he had guns… not that he pulled any of them out. His sis had called the cops and he was taken away in an ambulance. Idk now he’s been calling me every day since apologizing and how he wasn’t himself and now is on medication… I’m certainly not ready to see him any time soon but like I feel partially at blame bc I can be quick tempered and had no idea what he was going through. I’m lost and I have no idea if I keep on running away from him or stick around and pray he continues his medication and that it never happens again or gets worse. That was my best friend after all…
@amethystjess , wow you have a lot of stress going on - when was your boyfriend diagnosed with schizophrenia?
Thank you @hope he is currently at an inpatient facility where Im not completely even sure if they have surely diagnosed him - he said they think he’s bipolar… his grandfather was diagnosed with schizophrenia and my bf is now taking the same medication he was on. It supposedly treats both Schizophrenia and Bipolar disorder - zyprexa. I’m just lost at this point but I appreciate talking with people who understand. So thank you for reaching out.
I mentioned stress because stress can make our family members vulnerable to psychosis. One of our most difficult struggles is reducing their stress every day. Any change, good or bad, causes stress. If you want to continue with this relationship, I highly recommend that he has to agree to give you full access to his doctors. They MUST be able to talk with you. Good luck to you.
My husband has paranoid schizophrenia, I feel so lost and alone dealing with this.
@Gmaof3 You’re not alone, especially having found this forum. Do you want to talk about what you’ve been going through? We’re here for you - we all have our struggles and need to make decisions that impact us and our loved ones and are here to talk to eachother to make each of us feel a bit less alone in this world.
Indeed, you are not alone. My wife and I have had 32 years of absolutely beautiful marriage. We were each other’s best friend. We spent every waking minute together and never were at a loss for words. She is the best mom and the kindest, sweetest person I ever met.
A year ago my darling wife developed psychosis and our world changed overnight. I went from trusted best friend to being part of the scheme that is after her. We have many tough moments and every once in awhile some caring, loving moments.
I don’t know if our past normal will ever materialize. But I love every minute I am with her, psychosis or not. I guess we have a new normal now. But I always remember one sentence that came from a person who recovered from psychosis. He said, remember, it’s still me in here. I know my darling wife (as I knew her) is still in there and I will never give up on her.
Don’t get me wrong. Times are really hard. Sadness is inevitable. The adjustment is huge. The lost dreams are heartbreaking. But life deals some hard blows. It could always be worse and I am thankful that my wife is still here and every once in a while still wants to hug me.
Be grateful for the small intermittent wins. Take care of yourself!! It is the only way to maintain enough strength to deal with this on an ongoing basis.