How much verbal, mental and emotional abuse should I tolerate from my husband before enough is enough? I am still living separate from my husband and keeping very minimal contact with him but he still insists on sending me nasty texts and threats, then maybe a few hours later he will send me a text saying he loves me and misses me. I am so torn and heartbroken, I am trying to help him from afar but it is very hard. Any advice?
My husband wants me back but is still being extremely verbally, emotionally and mentally abusive. We text back and forth and its been nothing but one abusive comment after another. I dont know if going back to him is the right thing to do or if the verbal, emotional and mental abuse will eventually turn to physical abuse. What should i do?
I’m so sorry you are going through this right now,
And seems to be your husband is still at a hard point with his disease.
When times are very tough lean in on your support network more , try to make it to nami meetings maybe see your therapist an extra time . Focus on self care
I’m sure you are familiar with the saying you cannot fill someone else’s cup until your own cup is full.
Things can become blurred and confusing when we are being bombarded by our loved ones disease you are allowed to take a step back and focus on yourself
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Thank you, i appreciate that. I live in Canada so there is no NAMI support groups here, i do speak to my councilor when it gets really tough and it helps quite a bit. But now on top of my husband being unbearable, his mother tells me if i love him i would go out there and stay in a hotel and visit with him in public places. She is accusing me of not loving him, when she herself does not want to see him in his volatile state. His mom and some of his family members are extremely religious so they dont believe he has schizophrenia and that its some dark spirit taking over his body and to let God heal him (she refuses to believe the diagnosis he got a few years ago, says doctor is wrong). So she is putting me on a guilt trip for leaving when she urged me to leave in the first place. To put things in perspective, he is 6’4’“ tall and i am 5’1” tall so that is quite a big difference in size, i am no match for a big guy if things were to get physical. His mom keeps saying i am his wife as if she expects me to take care of all of this. I am really exhausted and dont know if i want to continue down this path. We have no children and i have already moved to another province and sort of started to regather myself. But i am conflicted because i feel like i am abandoning him. He isnt on any meds, cant afford to see his therapist or meds, i cant afford anything either because i had to start over. I still do not have a job, i am living with my parents, his family refuses to have him live with them because of how he is, so because i am his wife i feel i have a sense of responsibility for him (as the vows say “in sickness and in health”). I am truly almost ready to give up.
I think a mental illness is different than a physical one. We know how to care for a loved one physically, but not if they have a serious mental illness, so the vow does not apply here. It was meant for a physical “sickness”. A mental disorder is beyond anyone’s ability to deal with and must be treated with meds so that the person who has the disorder sees the world correctly.
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Thank you for the reply, i was really struggling with the aspect of that. I have given him 30 years of my life and sacrificed my family for it. I have gone with him to his doctors appointments during his extreme depression and anxiety and been with him during those hard times all the while working 10 hour days and trying to maintain my career. He does not see this anymore, he used to and he used to appreciate it now its all garbage to him and i was never there. We went through the trials of different depression and anxiety meds, i was there for him. I would even leave work early when he asked if i could because he was having a difficult time. I am just extremely sad, heart broken, and exhausted. There were certain seasons of the year that i would have to be extremely careful about what i said and what i did., i cant go back to someone who is only going to abuse me because he cant see and believes that its all me. Its a tough decision, i am going to contact his doctors to see what they can do for him.
Thank you so much, everyone here has so much insight and are very caring, God bless you all.
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Depression and anxiety meds are not sufficient to treat SZ spectrum disorders. Your husband sounds like he is in psychosis and needs the right meds to stabilize and regain insight. All the love and prayers in the world will not help him unless he receives treatment. I am not familiar with legislation like in the US that might oblige him to get help under certain circumstances. But Canada has resources for mental health. Presumably you both are eligible for the state health care services? Here are some resources I found:
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Thank you very much, i will look into both sites, much appreciated
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IDK, having schizophrenia doesn’t mean you can get away with anything like extreme abuse and then not take responsibility for it. From the little I’ve read on here, abuse from loved ones does seem common though. I was severely ill at one point for three years but I wasn’t mean and abusive towards people, especially to my parents and sisters. I don’t think they would have put up with it anyways. If someone gets schizophrenia and treats other people horribly it makes me think that was part of their personality to begin with. I hate to advise you on something as momentous on whether to leave your husband or not; but if the abuse is unbearable and he’s not getting treatment for his illness it doesn’t seem fair for you to put up with it. If he’s not getting treatment then the abuse may never end.
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