Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How to cope with a stepdad that says I did not sign up tis!


#1

Its veyr hard as a mom of a 24 year old son to hear husband say I did not sign up for this…My son has been doing good on his meds for about a month for now except for his episodes 2x a week for 1to 2 hrs… I really feel bad my son doing good but my husband and I relationship is not doing good. Well I guess I just have to prepare for future if my husband decides to bail out on us…ya know what right now my son needs me and I would do the same for my dauggter…I just have to plan for future and save $ for my son in case I need to buy him a trailer or something to live in close to me and I might have to back to my parents house…life is tough but you cant make someone be there for you for the long haul…im sooo sad!!! I have been dealing with my husband for years not accepting my son when he didnt have sz and now why would I think it would change…ANybody experience this kinda of situation and how did you deal with it?


#2

My bother had problems with a stepfather. My brother has autism though. Eventually, my mom had a divorce and my brother was able to live on his own. I hope things go well with your family. My experience with sza has been that I have needed time and medication changes to make any changes. I can take some time to improve.


#3

i don’t think anyone signs up for sz, those with the disease or caregivers alike. But when you have a child there’s always a chance that they may develop a disease, and as a parent you have a responsibility for the child you brought into the world-- so he signed up for it much more than your child did, and no less than you.

Denial of responsibilities does not make them go away any more than denial of the disease. One thing I do know from my recovery, is the more my family accepted my disease and the more I accepted responsibility for keeping well-- the better I got and the less of a burden I was to my parents.


#4

Just noticed the step dad part of this. I think what I said still applies. When he married you he knew about your children and any children may become ill.


#5

Hi @pattywagon1!I have been thinking about posting about this same topic!My son is 13 and my husband has really struggled with his illness.We have had many arguments over this.Some of it-I take responsibility for.It has been hard for me to set limits and push my son.My husband acts at times like my son should just behave like a “normal” 13-yr old.We are in family counseling.My husband has been really resistant to learning about sz.I told him that if I have to pick-it’s going to be for my son.My husband has to decide if this is something he can deal with or not.Basically,life is full of adversity.People die,lose jobs,get sick.If a life partner can’t deal with sz(and it is hard!)then what happens down the road when something else serious in life happens.You can always private message me if you want.I suspect dealing with mental illness or anything life-altering tests many of the relationships of folks on here.Hang in there!


#6

My husband is my son’s step-dad. He has very little understanding of schizophrenia and/or mental illness. In reality there are times when my husband in my opinion is acting worst then my son. OR I have more patience for my son then my husband.

I try to remind myself that my husband needs me to. Without him, his financial support and him giving me the option to be at home with my son… Where would I be? Where would my son be?

We try to follow the guidelines of leaving the discipline up to me. That when I discuss/vent with my husband that I’m not looking for answers just a place to vent. That helps my husband to hold back some. Still it’s hard for him to watch someone/anyone treat the woman that he loves with such disrespect and at times he is fearful of my physical safety. I can’t ignore that or pretend like his feelings don’t matter.

I think sometimes our spouses put up their own walls to not being hurt as we basically tell them that they are worthless through action and words and that what they think or feel means nothing… Can you blame them for lashing out as they sometimes do?

It’s not easy and it’s sometimes a daily issue but I do my best to have one on one time with my husband. Every evening after dinner is his time. He works all day and sometimes two jobs and weekends to support me and therefore my son. The least I can do is make time for him. This also includes taking the time to be intimate… It’s a great stress reliever for both of us :blush:

Very easily my husband triggers my mom instincts to defend my son… I try to keep this somewhat under control by trying to let some comments slide. Yes it’s hard! He is human too and will sometimes say things that he doesn’t really mean, just like my son does.

Just as we are fighting an unseen disease our spouses are fighting too. Fighting to be important to us. Fighting to matter even just a little bit. They will make mistakes just as we make mistakes.

In the end I don’t need my husband to understand schizophrenia. I need him to support me and the best way to achieve that is by making him a part of my picture/life instead of shutting him out and treating him like he is a second class citizen in his own home.


#7

Oh, this is a hard one - and I am dealing with it too. My husband wants to act like my son doesn’t exist. I, meanwhile, am working full time, assisting my son as he tries living independently again, AND try to keep the home fires burning.

He has given no indication of planning to leave, but sometimes I feel so completely alone.


#8

**All the time Im wishing that I had a husband or significant other to help. My ex has been supportive in the way HE wants to be-not the way we need him to be. For me, it seems like the best support Ive had has come from strangers.
Dear @btrfly36…I hope your husband comes around. **


#9

ABSOLUTELY feel the same about getting help from strangers, or anyway, people who are not related.


#10

I think I need to read this again because I am in shock. Your husband never accepted your son before he got sick and you stayed with him??? And now your son is sick and you’re expecting miracles from your pathetic excuse for a husband??? I’m sorry to sound harsh but its kind of blindingly obvious that if he didn’t accept your son from the start, he’s hardly gonna step up to the plate now…and you’re still with this man??? I’m sorry to say this but if I met a man that had problems with my kids, he’d be out the door without his feet touching the ground. My kids come first. End of story. Buy your son a trailer near you and get rid of your excuse for a man and find one who really gives a shit.


#11

Thanks everyone for your tips and responds!! Sorry I did not get back to you sooner on this subject…So far Were all hanging in there and dealing with this day by day for now…Thanks for the support all of u!


#12

Hi I’m not sure how to private msg you but if you want to private me that would be great! I try to get on here once in awhile kinda of busy at times…Thanks we all have to hang in there…right


#13

Did he know your son had sz before he married you?


#14

My husband and I have been married for 7 years. We separated last year in August after an episode between my son and him. I understand how difficult this is for you. I hope you are able to work things out.


#15

does your husband or son have sz?


#16

My son’s official diagnoses are Aspergers, mood disorder and anxiety disorder. He has had audio and visual hallucinations since he was a young child, is starting to have some paranoia, and is now telling me about “paul” and “alex” who are two people that sometimes take him over. I received a phone call from him one day and had a hard time understanding him. His voice was higher pitched and he wasn’t making a lot of sense. When I said his name, he said “this is paul”. No schizophrenia diagnosis, but I really suspect that he has it.


#17

Sorry that your son is so sick. It must be very difficult and stressful dealing with that! I hope everything works out well for you and him!


#18

Thank you Bipolar_Bear, I appreciate that.


#19

Glad you’re hanging in there, I am too. Its hard tho.