My stepson has paranoid SZ he is 31. He lives with my wife and me. He was diagnosed at 27 when we got married. I have done everything that I know to make his life comfortable. I treat him with respect. I try to encourage him when he is willing to listen. I don’t dote on him like his mother does. I built him a large separate room so he could feel like he had somewhat of his own space to “live” in. I take him for drives to get him out of the house. I ask him to go to movies with me he declines. Every once in a while he will let me take him out to eat. I try to be good to him.
My concern is that as a married couple my wife stays so depressed over her son’s condition that she has totally ruined herself over the past 4 years, emotionally, physically and spiritually. Our relationship just exists. I have heard her say that if her son cannot have a life then she is not going to. Our relationship is 95% centered around her son. I don’t hold that against her if that is what she needs to do but it is not good for our marriage at all. She WILL NOT seek help, she will not take care of herself AT ALL. I am at the end of my rope.
I have four grown kids. One had to come back to live at the house for a while while they get back on their feet during a divorce. My kid sees what is going on but does not say anything. She has worked with people with SZ she has a more practical approach to dealing with issues rather than all the emotional.
The wish that my wife has is that her son will get a productive life. He refuses ALL help. That is my hope also. It just seems like an abyss that my wife is falling in. She try to force people to do things with her son and I don’t think she realizes it drives people further away and they become resentful of it. Aside from the SZ my stepson isn’t the easiest person to warm up to. I have tried to get him to go to places where he could meet some people. The people that have tried to be part of his life, I don’t know if they don’t care or they don’t understand. I have to be honest when he is being a jerk ( not having an episode) I ignore him for a while.
He was supposed to go get blood work done yesterday and his mom (my wife) tried to make sure he kept the appointment so what does he do, he did it on purpose, he goes and drinks 2 pepsi’s right in front of her. He has some bad liver problems and they needed to check his liver enzymes. So she has to cancel the appointment. Its a never ending exhausting cycle. So she sleeps the rest of the day off in depression.
She is in the process of getting legal guardianship which she has struggled with. I could go on but…
Has anyone experienced the decay of a marriage because of these dynamics? The worst thing about it is my wife will tell me I don’t do anything to make his life better, It makes me want to walk out the door and not look back. My stepson also has the delusion that I called him a child molestor. When this begins ramping up I say nothing unless he asks me why I called him that and just kindly say that I have never said that or thought that. I truly feel so bad for him but I can’t cure him