Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Severe marriage strain between caregivers of someone with SZ?


#1

Does anyone deal with this? I am the step father. Step son is 30. My wife will not go to support group meetings. She will not get counseling for her problems and the problems she deals with concerning her son. For 4 years I have tried to get her to go. Her son will not get or does not want any counseling. I am burned out from the dynamics of their relationship and how it affects my wife and how it is hurting our marriage. It is destroying her life. I don’t think she sees it hurting us. I try to be supportive but I am at the end of my rope.


#2

That is a tough one im sorry that you have to go through that.

What you want to do is a search on here about this subject, you’ll definitely find lots of posts from people dealing with the same thing,fibd some with a similar situation as yours and print those posts out and show them to them so that they’ll see that it is a fairly common problem then talk them into joining this site and checking in daily.

This place is a lot like therapy so your wife might feel comfortable with it.

And check the NAMI website they will have a directory of resources.

Hope things work out.


#3

Wow, I commend you as the stepfather making efforts to help your wife’s son. My husband won’t interact with my son AT ALL, and prefers I say nothing about him. Of course that hurts me. I feel like I am living 2 separate lives, one with my husband, and one supporting my son.

I am the exhausted one, doing what I can to keep my son living independently and receiving the services he needs. My son is currently med-compliant and has FINALLY agreed to try some therapy!


#4

do you and your husband get along well aside from this issue? Does your son live in the same house with both of you?


#5

Yes, we get along otherwise. I had the opportunity to purchase a house near my work and my son is renting it from me using his SSI income. Like I said, I’m the exhausted one, giving him the help he needs in addition to working and maintaining a relationship at home. I try not to let it make me too sad, or resentful, that they don’t get along.


#6

This illness can destroy and split a family–dont let it. My family and a few friends watched me go through this with my son--pretty much stopping my life for 20 years. You cant stop your wife from trying to help her son-and it doesnt work to point things out to her. The best thing you can do is take care of yourself right now, whatever that means for you.. You can be supportive without letting it pull you in. Maybe even find a support group for yourself. A book that I read whenever I feel like Im drowning is called Co-dependant no more-by Melody Beattie.
This might be a good book for your wife.
Good luck and hang in there!


#7

my stepson had a stroke in late 2004. He is functional at least with therapy he would do way better but he won’t do it. Limited use of right arm and aphasia but he is smart. then the SZ hit in 8/2011. This pretty much sunk my wife. The combo is sinking me because I feel like I am losing myself and anything that resembles a healthy marriage. I have 4 children of my own grown and having their own families and I feel cut off from them and I am not willing to be cut off from them. Not everyone can have a relationship with someone who has SZ. Some personalities are more adaptable to be able to accept the illness (IMO).

There are also blurry boundaries with my stepson. I am the step dad not the mother. There are things he does that the excuse is “well with Johnny it’s different” I get tired of hearing that. I know some things have to be different BUT…

I am going to get that book you suggested thanks


#8

Sorry to be so blunt (it’s my nature) but people usually keep repeating themselves because they’re not being heard.

How much do you know about Schizophrenia? It’s an eye-opener! EVERYTHING is different!!! I’m the mother of of sz son and my life revolves around him, rightly or wrongly. When my son is ill, my partner is neglected, again, rightly or wrongly, It is the way it is. Sorry, I probably sound like your wife! If her son is an only child, like mine, then you’re talking momma bear with her cub. It’s either get involved or take your hands completely off. Is that too black and white? Probably


#9

please try myhealios.com. I did the program and it made a huge difference (at least for me). since it is Skype only, my wife eventually accepted to do it and we both made progress with our son.


#10

Thank you for the link


#11

Do you have anyone taking care of you? A therapist, a support group, anyone that you can go to as say anything to and you know they’ll keep it to themselves?

According to my sister my mom has trouble dealing with stuff herself. Some of that stuff (or probably most of it) is me. She doesn’t have anyone like that or hasn’t since my depression support group ended (it had a separate care givers side) about six years ago so she turns to my sister who is now out of the house. This is a very bad idea because my sister is a manipulative *. Don’t think this is just me saying this. Several years ago my mom said she was a b and she doesn’t swear in front of us. She also knows she’s a liar and self interested but for whatever reason she’s the one she goes to. What I’m trying to say is please get the jump on this and go talk to someone you know you can trust for honest advice and a kind ear before you end up confiding in someone unscrupulous because everything’s just gotten out of control.