How to cope with husband‘s mood and episodes?

Family
1

Hello everyone,

It’s my first post on here, and I hope to get some clarity and answers.

My husband is schizophrenic, and he had another episode today. He is on medication (don’t know what the pills are called anymore) and takes it regularly. His mood is bad often, saying that he doesn‘t feel good. He gets bad episodes about once or twice every month. Today was one of those days.

A family member of his is sick (for 10 years or longer now), and he worries and feels guilty because we live in a different city and he can’t care for them anymore. My husband woke me up today and said that he wanted to leave, go back home. Then he said that my family and I are evil, we all are lying to him, just want his money, that I‘m taking everything he enjoys away from him, I keep him trapped here, and that I wouldn’t care if this family member died. It really hurt me.

Those things are often said during these bad episodes. I feel like he really means it, even though he isn’t himself or, at least, as I usually know him.

It‘s true that he doesn’t really carry out most of his hobbies anymore, or not regularly. It’s true that I didn’t let him go because I don’t want to lose him, but I also don’t want him going outside alone during an episode like this. I just wonder, after those things he said, if I‘m really the evil one and if those are his true thoughts about everything.

My husband then says that he’s done with me and he won‘t get in touch with me again.

No matter how often this happens and has already happened, it doesn’t stop hurting. I know I‘m not the best help: I don’t know how to comfort him, and it just overwhelms me most of the time. I feel anxious even when he just looks like he is in a bad mood but hasn’t said it yet. It‘s hard to describe, but it has really taken a toll on me.

When he feels bad, he says that I‘m never there for him and am of no help. I don’t know what to do and feel powerless.

How should I act in those situations with bad moods or even bad episodes? Nothing that I say seems to be good enough.

God bless and thanks for reading.

1 Like
2

So sorry to hear you’re going through this, @dara, and remember, you are not the evil one. I think many in this forum will be able to relate to your feelings of anxiety and powerlessness.

My initial thought is whether he needs an adjustment to his medications. Is it possible for him or you to communicate his symptoms to his doctor? Also, are you in an area with a local NAMI chapter? They will typically have support meetings and classes that I’ve found to be helpful. Also, in terms of communicating with him, the LEAP method (What is LEAP? About the Method and LEAP Training Program) is a good place to start. It’s been helpful in my household even when my loved one isn’t experiencing symptoms.

I hope you are able to regain some peace in the coming days.

2 Likes
3

I agree with @amysfo that his meds aren’t being well-managed. Does he see a psychiatrist on a regular basis to have them adjusted?

1 Like
4

My husband hears voices and swears they are real. He says they are ex friends and they have hacked our cellphones/wifi/security system on our cars. I have tried talking to him and helping him but some days are really bad we have been together 32 years and the past 6 have been HELL. I can’t get him to go to the DR. He had a mini stroke about 5 years ago but he says it has nothing to do with the stroke.

1 Like
5

Thanks for your comment, and sorry for the late reply. I‘m not sure what he has told his doctor, but the doctor doesn’t want to seem to change anything (been his doctor for ~20 years now).
He just tells him to take more or less of his pill, but my husband said it doesn’t even help and that he has recommended this many times before. I don’t understand why the doctor doesn’t want to try and prescribe a different medication.
My husband now has a new doctor near us, but his old doctor didn’t give us his medical records, yet. So the new doctor can’t do anything as of now.
I haven’t heard of what NAMI is before this post. I guess it is something only for the United States, as we are located in Europe.
Thank you for the link, I didn’t know about the LEAP method and just tried to read different articles on how to act, what to say, etc.
It‘s been better, but bad mood is often still coming through.
Thanks so much again for comment.

1 Like
6

Thanks for your comment. He sees his old psychotherapist every few months and his new one every 3 months, for now. His old doctor still manages his medication, but never really changes anything. He doesn’t really adjust it, just tells him to take more, if he feels bad, and then go back to the regular dose of medication in 1-2 weeks.

7

That sounds horrible. I’m sorry for what you‘re going through. But it‘s great of you, that you are there for him and try to help as best as you can. I hope that your situation will turn around again for the better and that he will see a doctor asap. Stay strong and I‘m praying for you.

1 Like
8

Does the new doctor agree with the old doctor’s meds?

9

Yes, @dara, NAMI is in America. I don’t know if there is anything similar in Europe. NAMI offers support groups and classes for caregivers and those affected by mental illness.

The book I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help by Dr. Amador is likely to help you understand your husband more. I hope your husband’s new doctor gets the past medical records from the old doctor soon. Seems strange to me that the old doctor won’t release them. I hope that gets sorted out.

Of course it hurts when your husband says mean things to you. It sounds like his delusions about you are pretty bad when he is in an episode. Please try to be kind to yourself and realize you are putting up with the delusions and hallucinations of schizophrenia which is very tough on family members.

1 Like