I’ve been married to my husband for 6 years. I knew about his sz when we met, but the past year has been really tough. He just came home from his third hospitalization, and he still not doing well. My friends and family try to be supportive. But they don’t truly understand. I’ve looked for a support group, but there aren’t any in our area. I would really like to find someone that I can talk to, that understands. I’m tired of people telling me I should just leave him!! He’s my husband and he’s sick!!
good on you for sticking by him…
You’re a very kind person for going with someone with a serious mental illness!
Why have things gotten worst this last year? Has he stopped taking his meds?
Anyways, good luck!
I am diagnosed with Paranoid Schizophrenia, but am also married (I’m male). My wife has been with me through a lot of my psychosis and all the crap that comes with having this shitty disease. Good for you to help your loved one through this. It’s normal to have days where it’s overwhelming, but many people with sz end up homeless because of lack of a support network. We’re still human, and you don’t abandon someone unless there’s a threat of violence or other extreme circumstances.
this is a good site for information and support…
The last clinic he was going to was horrible! They canceled on in all the time, and when he did go, it was a video chat with a Dr in another town! (I don’t mean to be rude, but if you have someone who already hears voices and hallucinations, is that really a good idea?!) Then the clinic closed down. At the time, he was doing good, so trying to get him to go somewhere else was fruitless. He just kept saying he was fine. It’s like trying to convince someone without cancer to take chemo. If he didn’t feel ‘sick’ why did he need the meds… It’s such a vicious circle!!
That’s very sad I can relate, sometimes when I’m in remission, I don’t feel like I need meds and quit. Then I have no insight into my own deluded thought process as my illness gets worse. I’m not sure how to convince him that he needs his meds. Perhaps threaten to leave if he doesn’t take them?
Anyways, getting him another pdoc asap sounds very important! If things get too bad, have you considered calling the cops and getting him forced in? I’d be cautious about doing this bc he might not trust you afterwards if you do. Granted, it sounds as if he already doesn’t trust you so it might be worth a shot. Typically, to get someone forced inpatient against their will, you have to convince the cops that the person is a danger to themselves or other people.
So far, he’s always been willing. And we are getting him set up with a new Dr. I am a former police officer, so from my personal experience, I will NEVER call the police unless it is absolutely necessary to save his life. No matter how hard you try not to make it a legal issue, if he resisted or felt threatened and fought back, he would more than likely gave charges as well. God has helped us this far and have faith that He will continue to do so! I pray for EVERYONE this horrible disease affects!!
That makes your situation even more amazing! Did you have to deal w/ mentally ill people often as an officer?
You are not alone but I understand why you feel that way. I do too. My parents are constantly telling me that boyfriend is just using me and that I need to leave him. They don’t understand the symptoms and they want me to have a stable life, which I understand. Loving someone with Schizophrenia is the most unstable thing in life to do I think… It has been for me anyway. Sometimes he gets so hurtful toward me that I do think Of leaving but in my heart I know he doesn’t mean it. It’s hard to find any kind of balance
I did… Quite often. In some ways, had was a good thing because it have me experience in dealing with this horrible thing that my husband has to live with. Though, it is a lot worse when it is someone you love.
you are a sweetie @HossesBabe you should be very proud that you stand by your man. it is rare to see such loyalty to a sick or ill schizophrenic that really makes me feel good for you. I wish it wasn’t so hard for you. Meds balanced just right will work,
@AFC110… My husband has an alter ego, which we refer to as “The other guy”. My hubby is a sweet, kind, tender, patient man! " The other guy " is a mean, cruel a**hole!!! When he’s like that, it is so hard to keep loving him and not run away! I pray and ask God for the strength to stay. Deep down I know this isn’t really my husband, but it still hurts. Sometimes I think, he must really feel this way, but I’ve gotten the mindset that “the other guy” is just trying to turn him against me or to run me off. It’s become almost a battle and one I plan to win! “The other guy” will NEVER take my husband away from me! I’m here to stay!!
Thank you, @jukebox! It’s not easy, but with God as our main focus and our strength, we will be OK.
That makes it even more remarkable that you knew what you were getting into! Your husband is very lucky to have such a caring person looking after him! I hope think start going better for you two!
Thank you, @Bipolar_Bear. I don’t know your story, but I truly appreciate your kindness. In time like this, when I feel like I’m doing a good enough job of taking care of him, it really helps to have such encouragement. God bless you, and everyone else!
Oh my goodness… That sounds exactly like how it is with BF. He’s so tender and gentle and when he gets an episode he just gets mean and verbally abusive even… his eyes even change, he doesn’t look like himself. He gets a look about him that looks almost demonic in his eyes when he is like that. It Used to just be a couple days a month, close to when his injection is due but here lately it’s been a roller coaster and he’s back and forth between being sweet and and a complete jerk in the course of the day.
**It is a roller coaster! This is a very hard illness for all concerned.
One thing I am just now learning ( after 20 years!) is to set some boundaries for myself.
If your husband gets “mean”, you can give him the signal that it is not tolerated. Don`t argue with him. Just leave for awhile-even overnight if you have a safe place to stay. Usually by the next day, moods have changed.
Yes, don’t leave him. Frankly, it would be stupid to leave him. He loves you and you love him. Why would you throw that away? Your “advisers” are being unwise. They don’t seem to realize that life is full of irony. Or karma, if you prefer. They think you should leave for the “chance” that you will find someone “better.” But life being what it is, you could very easily find yourself in a much worse situation. So I say stick with the one you love and it will work out.
On a more practical, less philosophical level, perhaps even if you can’t get very good treatment for him where you are, you can do more “health-friendly” things. Revamp your diet - it will make both of you feel better. Read up on the effects of gut bacteria and a varied diet on mental health. Get some exercise together. If your husband doesn’t want to go out walking, cycling or running, get a set of weights and an exercise bike and plan a routine.
The diet and exercise route has really helped my son. In fact he’s a complete healthfood freak, a great cook and he cycles and dles weights now. All of which has really improved his mood and confidence.
The final thing is: you’re married. In sickness and in health, right? So presumably, if you left your husband, found another, and he got cancer, your family would tell you to lose the second husband too? Or, God forbid, if you get ill, your husband should leave you? You’re right, that’s a lousy, inhuman attitude.