Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How to deal with my sadness of my sons schizophrenia


It is a hateful illness. I try to remember he is still my lovely little boy even when he is doing hateful things. O am grateful my son is compliant with his meds. I feel your pain darling xoxo


Have you tried having him committed? My son gets an injection every two weeks Prolexin.
It works very well for him. My son’s problem is cocaine, but the med is working. I know
what you are going through you are not alone. God bless and hope it gets better for both of you.


Thanks for sharing that!


My son stopped Ridperidone last September (cut down slowly by his pmd). He got a job at the same month. But he still have desire to smoke weeds. His conditions were getting worse. He been fired on job due scream on job March 2017. I bought him to London and Paris and hope travels can help him a bit. When he back he have not improved as I wish. He went to hospital again on April. Due he drunk a half bottle of whiskey at 3am. He drunk and crazy I didn’t know he drunk when ambulance took him away. He been serviced strong sedation drugs and Risperidone for 7 days in hospital. This time his pmd took off his Risperidone in 6 weeks.
He been provided liver detox and blood detox supplements since. He don’t have desires to use cannabis anymore and smoke much less.
He found another job month ago and hiking with his new girl friend. I hope he can keep moving up.


This reminds me of myself. I constantly have crying episode’s. I miss the person my son use to be. It hurts me so bad to see him this way. I don’t know what I hate the most about this disease the positive or the negative symptoms. Although he is doing better on medication the withdrawal and isolation really get to me.


Can’t really have him committed in California big privacy laws regarding mental health usually only a police officer or judge or doctor can do it …its called 5150 pc mental health hold …



My first attempt at posting something like this, Admin, please delete it if its a problem - thanks!


Okay, second attempt


Hi there. I think everyone of us that is a parent feels this way if we have a child with mental illness. My son is just starting with symptoms. He is 22. No doctor.
I have one good tip. IF your son is old enough to be on his own. You need to do something for you. Go for a walk. Take a bubble bath. Do something that you will enjoy and it will take your mind off of your son for a while. I do this all the time. We can’t let ourselves get overwhelmed. Plus there is support here. :slight_smile:


I agree, there is no greater pain. If I could take it from my son, I would. but what you can do is visit as often as possible, be there even when it doesn’t seem to matter to him - when he is better he will know that you never gave up and you were there. There are meds that can bring them back. Never give up. We finally found the right doctor and the right combo for my son. He takes a first and a second generation - fluphenazine and the 2nd gen I’m not sure of the name. Luckily, no bad side effects except for tiredness and some weight gain. He has been catatonic, delusional, you name it and these drugs have given him his life and we have him back. I believe in prayer as well. I ask God for what I want - and that is for the schizophrenia to leave my son. In the meantime I accept that we are on this journey together and that some day we will look back and understand. It gives me hope. Yes, it is unbearable pain. Give yourself time to grieve, because it is a loss, and then just advocate for him with all you’ve got. These are our boys and we know them and love them like no other.


Me too. I’ve always thought the negative symptoms are so sad. And chronic. At least with the positive symptoms, there is medication, if they do take it, the negative symptoms, I totally hear you.


Hi Lioness.How oldis your son? I am glad the meds is helping your son. That is wonderful.My son doesn’t have a doctor, you would never know he has delusions if you talked to him. I know because he tells me. But he is a great person to be able to hide it and he is working and taking driving lessons now. I keep telling him to keep busy and keep your mind active and busy. Now I have to convince him to get a doctor. This is the hardest part.


My son is 24. His symptoms began at age 19, about 3 months before he turned 20. I always tell my son his symptoms are only “bad” to the extent that they interfere with him having the life he would like. Therefore, if his delusions cause him to become catatonic for example, that is not the life he wants. That is not independence. None of it means “something is wrong” with him - of all the variation of the body and brain, he has this one and it only matters to the extent it impedes his life. Your son is functioning much better than mine did with delusions. If the delusions are causing him to miss out on life, on opportunities, making friends, etc… then he should talk to a doctor. There is help. Yes, it can take trial and error and that is frustrating, but there is help.


Your son is your as well :frowning: Good advice you have for your son. Sounds like he listens to you as well! That is a good thing. I am glad he has a doctor. He lives with you? I am still trying to convince my son to get a doctor. One day at a time. still.


Yes he lives with us. Family of 5, he is the oldest and we all live together. The younger 2 are in college. This has taken a toll on the family but we’re going forward, making progress. In our area there was a program called FIRST - for first episode of psychosis. We loved the first doctor we met but she soon left. The next doctor I became frustrated with, leading to a fight and we left. He spent time in a hospital one county north of us - our county behavioral health was full. The doctor in charge of that hospital had a lot of experience with schizophrenia and seemed to find a good combination. We still see him in his practice. Find a doctor with experience and high expectations. The doctor I argued with was fine with him being psychotic if he was satisfied with the medication and did not want to change. She is a nurse practitioner and I don’t think had the experience or knowledge. I hope your son will listen to you. You just keep loving him and I will pray for you and your son. It’s all flying without a net and terrifying,


My son lives iwth us as well. He is the middle child. I have another son older that lived with him and saw the signs at the beginning. I am glad my younger son lives with us now. My older son didn’t need to deal with all that stuff. My older son took care of their dad (disabled) til he died 3 years ago. So that being said, this is all when the younger son started showing signs. Could be all part and parcel I think. Plus he had a concussion at his job, lost his job due to that as well. That is wonderful that your family are all together and are dealing with this. A toll no doubt. Still wonderful he is and has seen a doctor. What country north of you? Are you american? I am Canadian. It is scary for sure, because no one knows what will happen. My son is hiding everything now and doesn’t talk t anyone, which is hard now as well.


I feel your pain. My son is five months into his first major psychotic break - basically one month away from being diagnosed with sz. He still has regular symptoms, in spite of the antipsychotic meds. I have zero doubt that the diagnosis is coming,

It pains me beyond anything that has ever pained me. I understand the sadness. All I think about is how perfect and beautiful he was when he was little. I don’t understand how this could have happened as there is no history of it in the family.

The loss is beyond measurable. Of course, I blame myself. I had a bad flu during my pregnancy AND he was cesarian due to a bad situation during labor.

There is no other explanation. Again, I feel your pain.


I am American. I live in Ohio. He was in a hospital in a county north of us, in our state. I was upset that he wasn’t in the closer hospital to us, but there is only one hospital in our county with behavioral health services. It was not unusual for there not to be enough beds and then they would send patients to the nearest other hospital that could take them. At the time it would scare me because I never miss a visitation and I am not a confident driver. The visitation hours for behavioral health are very structured and short. I always felt like I was being treated like a criminal. For example, in the rest of the hospital you can basically visit your loved one any time and you could visit in pairs or a reasonable amount of visitors, just so that you didn’t disturb other patients. In the behavioral health unit you could only visit I believe 2 hours a day. You could only visit alone, so I would have to leave if another family member wanted to visit. We could never have my husband and I with him for example. I had to get a locker and lock up my purse. You could not take anything in with you. All food had to be sealed. At the hospital further from us, 2 of us could visit. We could play cards or have a conversation. I could take my purse in. He was also at a state hospital. That was very scary to me. He was sent there by the court when he was not showing sufficient improvement in our hospital. I didn’t understand what was happening and it was very traumatic. He improved there almost immediately. They knew what they were doing - they were nice, but they got him taking his meds and showering. I could take anything there for us to eat - I could pick up a pizza or whatever we wanted. Different rules in different hospitals. It sounds like you have been through so much. You are staying strong and I am glad also that your younger son lives with you. It is frightening for the siblings and there is definitely a grief that takes place. My younger son became seriously depressed for about the last 2 years now. He is doing better, but I think it was very traumatic for him. I think he (and secretly me) were terrified he might become ill also. The FIRST program was supposed to have family counseling, because we needed it, but they didn’t really. Sorry for rambling on so much, I never talk to anyone this much about all of this. We have had a psychiatric evaluation done at home on my son a few times. The local police or paramedics can do it. If they feel the person is a threat to themselves or others, they will force them to the hospital. It is hard to get that to happen, and it is a last resort, but when my son quit talking they did take him. He is very gentle, he identifies as female, and perhaps because of this we have never had violence or aggression. I am so thankful for that, as you know, sometimes the police do not react reasonably to the mentally ill that are aggressive, at least in my country. Is there a way to have an evaluation done at your home? Forcing them into care is frightening and painful, but in our case he was catatonic and we knew we had no choice. Things are not perfect, he is depressed and going through a rough patch, but we have him back. I will keep you in my prayers. I can tell you are loving and strong. You will get through this.


Yes, everything you write I have felt. It is grief. I didn’t understand why I felt grief when he was right there, but it is grief. There is nothing to prepare you for this. You get completely blindsided. I remember yelling out in the hospital, “two weeks ago I had a life, I don’t understand what is happening” - we were by his bedside in the emergency room and he was angry with me. He started to yell things and the nurses thought I should walk away for a little while. No one really talks to you. It’s like they whisper about you, but no one comes to you. Nurses don’t come in with care and comfort. I definitely felt alone. My biggest complaint was always - why isn’t anyone talking to me, why don’t I understand this? Also - due to his age, they aren’t allowed to tell you too much. My boss, a Catholic nun, told me over and over not to blame myself, but I did and I do. I also know that I did my best, just as you did. I have no idea where this came from . I was the woman with the birth plan, the natural birth, breast fed forever, made my own baby food. He got a severe case of mononucleosis in 4th grade and I regret not taking him to the hospital, although he was getting care through the pediatrician. I never did anything with bad intent. But you do analyze everything and blame yourself. I don’t waste my time, or emotional energy anymore though. You will reach that point. You won’t understand the journey and you will grieve that boy, but you will find a new normal and love this man. You just love them and love them. You fight for them and advocate for them. They are there and with the right medication, you will get your son back. I will pray for you and wish you the best. You are not alone.


I love this poster. It is SO true. Wow.

And I would add that the grief experienced when you have a seriously mentally ill child is just ongoing. It doesn’t get better over time, like grief for someone who has passed. Don’t know how that could be in the poster though…lol