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How to deal with my sadness of my sons schizophrenia


#301

My son has been in hospital 8/9 times in 22 months they are talking about putting him in an institution. I can’t work out in my mind if this is a good or bad thing?
He struggles to do daily tasks and simple things. He has started to threaten to take his life, whenever he has to go back to hospital.
I’m not sure if this is real or just a way of rebellion against the system. I don’t understand. I can’t care for him 24/7, and they (doctors) have said that’s what he needs, I think this also. But truth is I just want them to fix his schizophrenia not lock him up.
I can’t believe there is no medicine to make him well, if I accept he will never get better, it’s like he is already dead. But if I keep fighting and don’t surrender I get so lost in my sons world and the rest of my family loose me too. I feel hopeless.
I can’t comment on the electric shock, yes I listened but I could never mention it to my son he has no insight into his illness currently. Some days I can’t breath and I feel like I’m dying does this get any easier?


#302

KellyJoy, I’m so sorry. I’ve been told this might be the best we get a couple of times and that is bad enough. Our son (23) is now home with us hence the text at 4:30 in the morning. He went to sleep at 7:30. He does have an apartment next door but isn’t staying there this week. He was a victim if a romance scene and we are trying to keep him off the internet and phone.
It isn’t easy but it is manageable for now with two willing adult parents. I don’t know what I would do if I were handling this by myself. I suppose I would try to hire someone to help but we haven’t found anyone yet to even allow us to get out together once in awhile.
Are they suggesting a state hospital? Have you been there to check it out? This must be so incredibly hard for you. Do you have any support outside of this forum?

I do know of another couple who are professionals and their son is institutionalized. That is all I know. I heard about it from a friend and that is all she shared.

Are you a member of NAMI? Is there a group home? We had considered this for our son at one time because my husband had reached a place where he had enough. It isn’t the best situation here but we do manage. The stress is not good for us though. We do a lot of tag teaming.


#303

Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT)


#304

It is possible to get to a place where you can deal with it better. When you are ready, it takes a bit of work and a lot of desire, but it is possible.

I can understand your concern, surely being in a locked facility doesn’t mean they will stop trying meds?


#305

That’s awesome I’m glad to here about him having fun


#306

Thank you for sharing. My son also has sza with bipolar. Nice to see things are good. Gives me hope. Take good care of yourself!! Your advice is a good tool for all of us. I will be trying it myself.


#307

You said it. I can’t stand how this illness makes them isolate and lose all their friends.


#308

It is ok to cry in front of him. You have an understandable and legitimate reason to. If I get upset or angry with my husband I tell him that I’m allowed to feel emotion and do feel emotion. I tell him how I feel at the moment, just the way I would if I was upset over something else, and that talking about it makes me feel better and is better than bottling it up. He understands and also understands that putting on a brave face or denying my feelings is bad for my mental health. You cannot disregard your own mental health and only focus on his. You will exhaust yourself and it will chip away at your strength.


#309

My son has friends from before he was sick but they don’t hang out with him any more. If they happen to see him about town and he’s being taken advantage of or putting himself in bad situations they certainly would intervene so I’m thankful for that. My family barely tolerates him. He steals and uses drugs. They see his inappropriate behavior and they immediately are freaked out. A few criticise me saying I don’t “watch” him enough. How do you watch a grown adult 24-7? I gotta sleep …but nonetheless …I totally agree family support so important and understanding …sadly most of us don’t get it


#310

I think we often don’t get family support because if people aren’t in our situation, they just don’t have any way to understand what is going on in our lives.m

I’m glad your son’s friends are there for him, it’s limited but it’s something.


#311

My son also, he’s fascinated by photos of himself. And he seems to reminisce about things he remembers fondly about his childhood. I have mixed feelings about this, but he seems happy remembering and I’m probably reading too much into it. Too emotional :frowning: However, my fiancé found a VHS player because I haven’t had the videos converted yet, So …I’m sure it’ll be an emotional experience.


#312

So beautifully said …


#313

@daquilamarguerite1 I’ve started a new photo album with his entire life (up until he no longer let me take photos) and it’s been really emotional. All the potential, all the hope. I just have to keep telling myself - I will NOT let this beat me down and to continue to have hope.


#314

I have a pretty box that says “Believe” on the outside and inside I’ve put information about my son, quotes and photos. I have a sillouette of him that was made by a photographer who was hired by his preschool, he was four years old at the time. It describes him (to me) as a shadow of his previous self. I glued it onto the inside of the box.


#315

@daquilamarguerite1

I have a pretty box that says “Believe” on the outside

Great idea - I will probably start one. I read a non-fiction book about a woman who had dozens of prayer boxes.


#316

I know it’s not just you. This is just awful! The system is so broken. I can’t hive you any more word. Just love.


#317

One of the hardest things about mental illness is you can’t see it. All you see is the behavior which most people believe is controllable. With mental illness it’s not controllable. Sometimes they don’t even know what they are doing. I was like your husband until I looked up the symptoms and began to understand them. I never knew what a hallucination or delusion was but once I read the description on WebMD it was so obvious. I knew then why she acted the way she did. And it made it easier to understand and to forgive her. Education doesn’t make it easier but it makes it so you react with empathy and understanding instead of anger and mistrust. I was ready to give up my child because I didn’t understand mental illness was driving her behavior. Our household became calmer, less stressful, and less conflicted when we all got on the same page of understanding her behavior. If a patient has cancer, you can’t be mad at them for not feeling well or doing certain things. Same with mental illness. You can’t blame them for certain behaviors.


#318

Well said Author. Hope you have a wonderful day!


#319

@Author_Charity_Marie Yes it’s much easier and I have more compassion now that I know how my son is struggling.


#320

Vallpen, this actually looks pretty good to me. Do you think he is sad? I don’t get the feeling my son is sad and for that I am most thankful.