Of course I remember you, you and your son are never far from my thoughts. The regular families on this forum are impossible to forget and never far from my mind.
My heart catches in my throat when I think about you not seeing your son for almost 3 years. Its nearly 2 years now since I have seen my son. You do remind me how lucky I am to be able to send my son texts about his benefits and such. He may not always reply, but when he does, my heart is eased, because I know he is safe, right at that moment.
You may remember that in my Family to Family class, we lost a set of parents when their son killed them during a psychotic episode. I often think about their son, no siblings, all alone for the rest of his life. At their funeral the families of both parents believed he was a drug addict (meth) and they spoke of him with hatred in their hearts. His parents never could bring themselves to tell the rest of their world that their beautiful son suffered from schizophrenia. His situation is only similar to your son’s in that he hasn’t been able to stand trial and is locked away deep in the mental hospital prison system here. I check his court records occasionally to see if there is a change in his status. I check on him for his mom’s sake, its a little thing, but surely no one wants their child to be forgotten by the world. For his sake, I wonder if its best that he never is medicated enough to understand what he did. They loved him so much, he was everything to them, they were gentle people. When she talked about him in class, her voice filled with soft pride.
I hope there are times that your son is able to take solace in knowing you are there for him and life is going on for his family somewhere.
There is no comfort for mothers grieving their lost children.
I am so glad your husband, daughters and grandchild make things tolerable for you.