Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

How to deal with my sadness of my sons schizophrenia

Family
#402

He’s been prescribed several meds at different times, everything from Invega Sustenna injections to Zyprexa, to Vraylar, to Seroquel, including Ativan, and some others. Big issue is he’s non-compliant for following any medication protocol. Lately, the best I’ve been able to do is get him to take the Seroquel, but even then he’ll stop. I worry about how this affects the medication’s ability to be effective.

When he does follow the medication protocol, he is so much better that you could forget he has an illness. He’s fairly high functioning even when off the meds, but when he is off, his delusions are in full force. It gets even worse when the mania sets in. And he’s almost always off the meds. Yeah, there is nothing logical about this disorder.

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#403

No there isn’t. My son will absolutely not take pills. He is on Invega Trinza 4x a year. He goes because we physically take him. Also, he knows the alternative is police and hospitalization.

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#404

Yes its so very sad its like grieving for the person that was yet by some miracle u keep hoping that he\she will come back its very difficult to come to terms with such a sad illness. I am still trying to adjust + like u I spend a lot of time crying + wishing it all away + of course I go through the why us?? We can only take one day at,a time + thank God for sites like these where there is no judgement take care

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#405

I feel this, too. My daughter is in her late teens and should be getting ready to graduate and go to college. Now I find myself wondering what the next several years will have in store for her as I slowly watch her become someone else. The depression comes in waves for me. Right now I am struggling…This illness is so tragic. I definitely feel less alone reading the thoughts and stories on here.

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#406

Hi Daisy it is so heartbreaking my daughter is 35 this month + I have to deal with her drug taking + her illness. There r so many days I just want to stay in bed not face the world. Cause I know every day is a drama and I long for peace.Yesterday shes told me shes going back to her ex husband after 2 years of seperation. To say I was disappointed is mild this man got her on drugs violently attacked her every day. Sexual assaulted her attacked me isolates her from her family.im so tired of trying to keep her apart from him. I moved her closer to me all I can see now is chaos she will b evicted from her residence as every place that they were in he got her evicted. Ive been by her side since she was 16yrs old of course since birth. But issues since 16 and im so so tired They say never close the door but shes cost me 3 relationships my own sanity . Im very confused to know what to do?y current partner is on the verge of leaving. Its so hard as im not sure she just got scitzophrenia or it was drug induced? There is mental health in my family but I have to wonder was it bought on through her taking drugs And when she does drugs all her meds r messed up hey im sorry for the long post just feeling very alone.

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#407

@Eli55, there are so many people living in darkness and depression, not all, but some. Perhaps other families (MI and the caregivers) on here have stabilized somewhat and have reached a point of consistency.

As for me, I still feel as I did 5 years ago, when my son was first diagnosed @ 19. Just feeling overwhelmingly sad, numb, and hopeless, like there’s no way out. This is my son’s life now, and this is my life now.

My older son just said to me, “mom, you are obsessed with him. That’s all you ever think about or talk about”. It’s true. I wish I could feel light hearted enough to break away and focus on myself alittle more, but I admit it’s hard for me. It’s like my
Sz son controls how my day is going to be. If he’s having a descent day, I’m happy. If he’s angry or having an “off” day, I get scared and worry myself to death. It’s amazing to me how much control he exerts over me, and he’s not even doing it intentionally.

I’m always worried about him doing something that’s going to either cost us money or land him in jail. I always think of the worst case scenario.

This life is hell on so many of us. Just know that @Eli55, you’re not in hell alone.

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#408

It is very hard watching our children suffer. As parents, we want the best of everything for them. I think we all feel helpless regarding this illness. Whether it was drug induced or brought on by natural causes, all we can do is love them and attempt to guide them to make good life choices.

I admire your dedication and concern for your daughter. She is lucky to have you. Do you have anyone close by you can go out to eat with or to the movies with? Sometimes we have to put ourselves first. As the saying goes, “You can’t pour from an empty cup.”

I know that my own daughter has been used and abused by friends and boyfriends. Her counselor is trying to teach her to say no and not be victimized. From what my daughter tells me, this illness makes her feel so worthless, alone, and bad about herself, that if anyone shows any interest towards her, she jumps on it because she is lonely. The counselor has warned me that people with sz are often victimized.

Does your daughter see a counselor? It may help her and then it would shift some of the responsibility off you. You definitely need someone to talk with, too.

Thinking of you. Thank you for reaching out. It means a lot.

#409

Thank you for showing that you care My daughter sees a phyciatrist once a week no councelling although I put that in place she hasn’t taken it up. Sounds to me your daughter is very much like mine Its heartbreaking to watch as their mothers seeing them so used + abused + we feel so helpless in how to help them. I use to go have coffee etc Though not now as everytime I try to arrange something my daughter has always got another drama happening. I so wish like you that she had good friends hobbies something to take away the.lonliness but as hard as I try nothing works. She like u daughter feels worthless etc we feel so heartbroken we shed so many tears for them they have no idea how badly we feel Ive had a terrible wend with.my daughter deciding to reunite with her very violent husband after 2 years of seperation. Now of course shes using drugs etc I appologize I cant write too long as I have glaucoma my eyes get very sore can I be in touch later in the week?? Please take care

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#410

I was listening to “Bridge Over Troubled Water” yesterday. It made me think about this old thread. I used to visit this thread regularly when I was feeling especially sad, almost like it was a memorial to sadness. I would visit it, “lean into my grief” as my friend advises, then close it up and put it back away.

The song made me think about how as a parent I used to think I could solve things for my kids by simply being there for them and loving them. I do think that all of us ease the minds of our family members even on the bad days.

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#411

Hello Hope,
I believe everyone here knows what it is like to be troubled, if only we had normal parent problems. My sadness is knowing that my son will never have a chance at any normal life, you may remember me and my son Lou.
It’s been almost 3 years since I’ve seen my son, things are moving forward for Lou, he will spend another 4 years in an undisclosed sanctuary. Maybe when things settle, we can have contact with him again.
Hey, maybe my story makes it easier for all of you. AnnieNorcal
Edit: My hudband, my daughters and grandson make things tolerable.

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#412

Annie,

Of course I remember you, you and your son are never far from my thoughts. The regular families on this forum are impossible to forget and never far from my mind.

My heart catches in my throat when I think about you not seeing your son for almost 3 years. Its nearly 2 years now since I have seen my son. You do remind me how lucky I am to be able to send my son texts about his benefits and such. He may not always reply, but when he does, my heart is eased, because I know he is safe, right at that moment.

You may remember that in my Family to Family class, we lost a set of parents when their son killed them during a psychotic episode. I often think about their son, no siblings, all alone for the rest of his life. At their funeral the families of both parents believed he was a drug addict (meth) and they spoke of him with hatred in their hearts. His parents never could bring themselves to tell the rest of their world that their beautiful son suffered from schizophrenia. His situation is only similar to your son’s in that he hasn’t been able to stand trial and is locked away deep in the mental hospital prison system here. I check his court records occasionally to see if there is a change in his status. I check on him for his mom’s sake, its a little thing, but surely no one wants their child to be forgotten by the world. For his sake, I wonder if its best that he never is medicated enough to understand what he did. They loved him so much, he was everything to them, they were gentle people. When she talked about him in class, her voice filled with soft pride.

I hope there are times that your son is able to take solace in knowing you are there for him and life is going on for his family somewhere.

There is no comfort for mothers grieving their lost children.

I am so glad your husband, daughters and grandchild make things tolerable for you.

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#413

“Keep expectations low for my own sanity,” is a good reminder

as loved ones with paranoid SZ struggle to get through the day.

-Does anyone have experience with court-ordered meds?

After many crashes, the State of Vermont ordered my son to take anti-psychotic med.

At least once he managed to go off.

Now he has a lawyer who has the court order revoked.

My son has had numerous hospitalizations, recovery programs, and is now in a group home.

I’m afraid he’ll stop meds again and end on the street or in jail again.

Advise or new perspectives are welcome.

#414

@susan031367

This thread helps me, start it from the beginning, there is a lot of good stuff here. My NAMI teacher lost her son and she has worked with a therapist on her grief. Her therapist advises that it is okay to lean into grief and let yourself feel it.

For me, I will allow myself to visit with the grief a little bit, then I make myself go do something else. I hope this thread helps you. As you can see, its one of our most popular threads. According to the experts, dealing with the grief is the hardest part for all of us. Take care of yourself.

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#415

I can do relate! It’s hard not to sink into self pity and think why me? Why my daughter? It feels so hopeless at times and yes all my friends children seem to be happy and successful and healthy. It’s hard that’s for sure. It is a truly horrible illness and my heart breaks for my daughter every day. It’s hard for other people to understand- to be fair, I probably wouldn’t have understood either. It’s so life-changing!

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#416

so true to my feelings too :broken_heart:

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#418

I am planning to attend the funeral of the son of my NAMI teacher. I had never met the young man, but now I have read some of his own story. My heart aches for the family and retroactively for his own pain. I feel the connection…we’re all connected to some extent with each other’s pain and grief.

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#419

I am so sorry. Yes, I agree we are all connected. We understand the struggle to help that has ended in pain and grief. Another one lost in the battle.

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#420

Very sad , truly connected :cry:

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