How to get the Fiancee with Schizophrenia to leave

Family
21

It was not my intention to argue with you. I just wanted to know how you would deal with it. I wanted your opinion. I’m on the “Family” side of the fence here, some people are on the “Diagnosed” side and some people are sitting right on that Fence (ie they are both) so it gives different perspectives. The guys fiancée is not here, so we are forced to guess what she might experience as a result of our suggestions. I also thought the title was offensive, but when you read, you can see he’s patient and putting up with a lot.

You are right that people wreck cars and burst into people’s houses with or without sz, but usually when they do those things there are legal consequences. The police get called. Oddly, this lady seems to not be suffering any consequences for what she does. In some way is he protecting her from the consequences? If so, that might be the way to “force” her to get help - stop picking up the pieces after her, maybe.

22

Those 2 things, yes…the car not so much, but the bursting into peoples houses, especially ranting about sex is something she can get locked up for.

And for those who are saying you need to help her, find her a place, etc…sure…if possible but one can only go so far. It’s one thing to say it when you dont have someone like this living with you, but its entirely different when someone is disrespecting you, your home and your neighbors… I think its very tolerant how its been handled. many people would just slap her and cast her out on her ass, and some would say good job. I don’t work that way but i do know someone in perpetual psychosis can be a handful.

23

I agree with you on this - this is not someone the poster has been with for a long time, not a child, a sibling or any other kind of relation. I was actually thinking along the lines of getting a restraining order. If she is keeping the poster from having a decent relationship with his kids, and making it difficult to work, I think there is good basis for it. Of course treatment is what SHE needs, but he shouldn’t be expected to disregard his own needs. If he cares for her, he can certainly continue to offer assistance, but he may have to make a break from her.

24

No sweetie, I wasn’t making fun of you or saying that you were insensitive. There really is a joke, but you’re not it. I’ll PM you what I was talking about.

25

Edited… replaced with: it wasn’t nice, so I won’t say nothing at all.

26

You’re right, I admit fault here

27

You certaintly have a lot on your hands. To me, it sounds like you have several options:
Call the police and ask them to assist in getting her to the ER. if she is that bad, they will admit her. She may be there a few weeks-then maybe end up in a state hospital for awhile.
Take her to the hospital yourself. Tell the people there the whole history.
There may be an emergency care unit that could come to your place and evaluate. She sounds pretty bad-I don`t think anyone would have a problem with admitting her to a hospital.
From there, maybe you can sit back and figure out what to do later. She may turn around-maybe not. I think if you get a time out-you will be able to think things through.
This is also a good site to get info.
Good luck and come back

28

Hi,

I love getting input from the one with the affliction. If one with schizophrenia quits drinking, and during that time knows that they have quit(She would count the days for instance) and she acknowledges she feels better that time and acts without symptoms( almost no delusions, but still denial of any alcohol issue). If she then starts again knowing the consequences to others, I consider that a voluntary act.

29

Taoist my paper is precise that people in your head love to attack. They look for the best times to attack. Drinking is allowed by the government. But still they want to make schizophrenics look like a menace. Therefor this is the #1 reason they love to attack when a person is impaired. It isn’t the only reason. People like to get loose when they drink.

30

I am sorry that I may have offended anyone by the title of my post. I am a recovered alcoholic (over 7 years) and have ADD-PI. So if the title read ‘How to get the Alcoholic to leave’ I doubt any of my AA brothers and sisters would take offence, and many have Schizophrenia as well. We do spend a lot of time laughing at ourselves. So I tend look at things from that perspective. Of course these two conditions are not the same, but most agree alcohol is an intensifier. I do love her, especial during her sober period when I could see her unclouded. It felt like to me that her delusions were replaced by denial.

Just today I was asked to leave yet another place by 11am, so instead of getting to work on time I was late yet again. I have never been asked to leave anywhere in my life. I paid for the place in cash and advance and the owner said the best he could do is give me a post dated check for next Friday, so now I have to go back to the townhouse under construction because I don’t have the funds to go elsewhere, and I just can’t go through another move. I got a work review today and I was given the lowest marks in all categories, the very first time in my life. I managed make it though today without anger however.

What happen the day before…
She was fine in the morning. I spoke to her in the middle of the day from work and she was very coherent and communication was possible. I go back to the cabin we were renting at 8:30 and she was not there. But I could her hear preaching and laughing. The place we were staying had many cabins and a central kitchen area and gathering area. She was there preaching.talking very loudly) but not in a hostile way and the group was tolerating and agreeing with her on many of her spiritual points. I tried to have some conversation with others there but it was very hard to hear to have a normal conversation, and she would always either rudely interrupt or do some thing to get all attention on her (this was not only to me but many others). I also had to work on-call that evening so I went back to the cabin and worked for awhile, later she came down and went on her summon on the evils of computers and cell phones, and then proceeded with her series of negative, abusive comments to me. I did explained that I would be happy to focus on her now, and preferred that I was not working but I had to do my job. She just continued in loud preaching of the evils of technology, how I don’t know how to treat a goddess, i don’t know what love is (she is the love) etc. I was having phone signal problems so I told her I would have to go to the kitchen area for about 30 minutes and I would be back. She said nothing and was only whispering affirmations. About after 30 minutes in the Kitchen she busted in, and in front of others started a whole speech on how I was mistreating her by neglecting her and etc. I calmly said that I was working, and almost was done, She then started to yelling love is not anal sex (when we first started dating she was talking one night about her past lovers and how wild she was. She said she tried it but she didn’t like it. I mentioned that my ex-girlfriend like it but I didn’t particular care that much either way, I never mentioned it again in any conversation). Then she yelled love is not f—ing and that I must be gay for doing that act at, and I was out having anal sex with a man two days before. This was in front of about 10 people (fortunately not children). The whole thing was another delusion she was having. Her emotional state kept on rising and she went into the lounge with several women and continued the verbal assault on me. I decided to leave in hopes that by me not being there she would calm down (or at least switch topics. I also know not to explain or disagree with her in front of others, anyone will see eventually by her behavior (it still is embarrassing) I went back to the cabin, but I could still hear voice echoing throughout the place. I had some emergency work calls, and after about 15 minutes it became quite. About 30 minutes later the owner came by and told me I need to get my women because he is getting complaints of the noise. I found her sitting on the ground, outside the lounge violently sobbing how I can’t take care of my women, and I am such a loser and anal sex in wrong, etc. I took by the hand and said she needs some rest and came to the cabin. I told her what the owner said and she said that is not true and that everyone loves her. She spent her time at the cabin doing some kind of whisper yelling for most the night.

The next morning I got a email and text from the owner that He really like me personally but we have to leave by 11 am because my fiancee was loud, abrasive, offensive and the guests do not want her around them. He said he cannot have mentally ill people around the grounds. I read it to my fiancee and at first she said nothing. In about 1/2 hour she told she had divine insight that the reason we were ask to leave was that she was starting a new healing center and several of the employees hated the owner and wanted to work for her. All the people there commented on how much they love her. So the owner was being protective.

I guess my coping when we are alone of the head phones works, but I am not good at the embarrassment of these public outburst. She is getting worse and her delusions seem to be continual.

31

Im not offended. Im trying to tell ya the truth. Just my paper T. You’ll know the truth. you should be able to find it by clicking on my profile. I like to drink, I’ve never actually gotten out of hand by standard but there are those that want you to be in that situation and those that love to see you in that situation.

32

I’m not sure where you are but it sounds like if you took her to a hospital, like an ER or a place that housed mentally ill people they could see how she is and offer help. If you want her out of your life because of the outbursts then when she gets better she may be depressed because she’ll feel alone, unless she has other people in her life. I agree with the other posts that you should sit her down and give her an ultimatum either get help or leave because you have simply reached your personal breaking point.

As for the argument of her being a danger, I’d like to way in: If she is spreading lies that he is hurting her, or if her actions are constantly resulting in being kicked out of their homes then yes I would say she is a danger. Not Danger in the sense: “She’s going to kill us all” but danger as “I will loose my/our way of life.” This is in itself is a danger because if you have no where to live, if she’s spreading lies about your character that is a threat to you. I don’t care if you agree with me or not, but that is my own opinion.

I know the other posters on this sight have theirs. Anyway I just wanted to put my opinion in on this, I’m someone with borderline Paranoid Schizophrenia when I was put in the hospital I was a teenager and misunderstood the situation at first, I thought I was being put up for adoption, that my family was getting rid of me. But when I got out and my family was still there it really helped with recovery. I understand you don’t like her when she’s delusional and going off on her rants, but if she were away getting help and she returned to the woman you loved before the delusions set it would you still want to leave her?

33

You may find attending Al Anon helpful. You should be able to Google up a list of nearby meetings.

10-96

34

I think you can’t help her because she doesn’t want it to stop yet. SurprisedJ started a discussion about what makes people WANT to get better a while back, and there were some interesting triggers for wanting to get better. I think the ultimatum route is looking like your only option right now.

35

Oops, sorry, I meant that for Taoist, not you.

36

Hi Hatty1,

Thanks for the reply, this blog has been so helpful and I appreciate all the support. I live in Los Angeles and the public health services and laws are pretty specific about the person being a danger to themselves or others to be considered for involuntary confinement. All other cases have to be voluntary, which in her case would be impossible.
I could lie and said she did something but they may file charges against her. You are correct about me not seeing her homeless, When she is in her ‘deep’ state she only drinks wine and juice and does not eat or drink water, She always refers to this as fasting and cleansing, but she would probably drink herself to death.

37

HI Pixel,

Al-non is a great group. I have been in AA for over 7 years. If she was only alcoholic my choice to leave her would be much more clear. If one feels that they are an enabler then leaving the alchoholic may be the best hope for recovery for both. She would be able to reach her low point without me saving her from getting there. Many never reach that low point and die along the way. This is a sad fact but a chance at sobriety is better than none at all. But in the case of the affliction of Schizophrenia is different. I do hear the advise of others to give her an ultimatum for treatment or leave, Her delusions prevent her from ever admitting anything is wrong with her, For those with schizophrenia, I like to hear how they recognized the need for treatment.

38

I’m guessing you already have done your research but maybe some of these will help:
http://www.leapinstitute.org/ - under resources are free videos on using LEAP
LEAP is a way of communicating to build trust. Listen-Empathize-Agree-Partner.
http://dramador.com/ - Dr. Xavier Amador is a clinical psychologist whose brother had schizophrenia. He is the founder of the LEAP Institute. Wrote the book: I’m Not Sick I Don’t Need Help! Can buy from his website.
Search Xavier Amador and LEAP on youtube.com and you should find some long videos
Treatment Advocacy Center - under problems you will see anosognosia
Anosognosia looks like denial but is different.
Bayes for Schizophrenics: Reasoning in Delusional Disorders - LessWrong - helped my understand delusions

Can also find some very useful information here:

Has she ever been under a psychiatrists care?

Early Psychosis Treatment center information in these two links

http://www.raiseetp.org/sites/

Psychiatric Treatment Centers affiliated with Medical Schools in the USA

This link may help you find a psychiatrist in your area

Sometimes getting involuntary treatment is what gives insight and allows the person to see that they needed treatment. As long as the delusions are running her life I don’t think she can see past them.

1 Like
39

Friend of Bill W. here as well. Not sure what else to say about your situation except keep going to meetings, keep talking to your sponsor, and keep using your Higher Power as best you’re able to.

Good luck getting things sorted.

10-96

40

Hi BarbieBF

Thanks so much for the information. I order the book. I was helping her with some legal issue some time ago and I ran across a statement by one of her sister that she was committed for a time for schizophrenia. All attempts at contacting her sisters have failed. The do not return any calls and never answer directly.

Last night she was fine to a degree and we went out and got some takeout and soaked out by the community pool. and watched several episodes of Andy of Mayberry. I am still on call for work and received a call that lasted a 1/2 hour and I have to focus on the call. After I have hour she left the room stating that I am so inattentive and she can;t take it. Later while i was still working she came in and said it’s Saturday night and we should be out. I told her that I and getting may calls and I can’t but she can if she like. She when to the in the spare room, preaching of the dangerous of computers and cell phones.She woke me up at 3:00 am (I have not had more than 3 hours continuous sleep in 3 days) and wanted me to go to 7/11 to get something for her. I told her I was too tired and then she left to the spare room for the rest of the morning.

This morning I had more work calls and she discussed how unfair it was that I have to work this way (she was in the state we could talk rationally) I told her thanks for her concern and I learned to accept it, We discussed several things we need to do over the next few weeks. I told her I felt very tired but the best thing for me to do now is to have 1 hour uninterrupted time to practice my guitar ( I meditate conventionality and use music as a form too). I asked her where I should go to get that time and she said nothing and walked away chanting unbelievable, and where is the love.

After about 45 minutes ,while I was practicing she came in, carrying one of my prescription syringes that contains cream for testosterone replacement. She was in a slightly aggregated state , preaching and in the endless self praising state. She then said that I was injecting drugs into and my penis and was out having anal sex with a man and she found a rag with s–t on it. I told her that none of that is true, but we should discuss it later. I asked if she needed me to set up the computer to stream her Agape Live service she watches every Sunday. She said not and just walked away. After I was done I went to find her and she was sitting in her car in the garbage smoking. I then noticed that she must have took my car the night before and she ran over some wood when pulled in to the garage. I told her she is not allowed to take my car since she is not insured for it and she damaged her car twice in the last week, She then wanted me to explain items in my car (proof I must be cheating) that she has seen many times before and I could see she was in one of her aggregated states and must have started drinking. . She then started her car and drove off, with the front right tire totally flat and riding on a damaged rim. At that point I phoned the police and filed an informational alert to be look out for a mentally ill person, possibly intoxicated, with her description and driving car with a flat in the area. She would be considered a dangerous in this case. Hopefully they can find her and have her evaluated. I think that this is the only way at this point.