I’m in the same boat. Husband was experiencing paranoid delusions that came on suddenly. It’s been 7 weeks. Our first step was taking him to an emergency room. The doctors there took him to a mental health ward and because it was involuntary, it was covered by my insurance. I share this because if you’re worried about money, if he goes to a hospital and it’s covered, you can return home and stop paying for a hotel.
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Thanks for the advice, i live in canada so i am not sure how that works but i will look into it
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If he has a official diagnosis now it will be time to apply for social security disability benefits probably for him.
Maybe his dad and brother can look into this and help get him applied.
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It took me some years to realize how devastating this illness is to the affected loved one and their families. When my son first got his diagnosis at the state mental hospital at age 20 I thought he could take his medicine and he would have a normal life. Little did I know and how unprepared I was for the horrors this illness has caused the last 10 years. The constant delusions, the 150 lb weight gain, the isolation and loneliness, the refusing to get help and go to hospital, the scary horrible criminal behavior and threats, me constantly calling the police for help, and then doing nothing, him screaming at his voices and at neighbors and the fear and worry felt all the time. This is only some of the horrors that have happened, too many to list.. I have shed so many tears for him over the years, I am slowly coming to accept that this may never get better and it is no one’s fault. My son is currently in county jail for last 5 months and I really don t know what will happen from here. It is a heartbreaking disease for some and we can’t forget there are some success stories with this disease. Prayers for all dealing with this and we have to remember it is the illness and we did not cause it and can’t cure it no matter how much love and caring we give them. Hope everyone on here finds some joy and peace today.
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why do you feel you have to pay for everything?
Sending you hugs and hoping you can “Let go and let God” as goes one of the saying in Al-Anon. You have fought a valiant fight for the last 10 years, I respect all you have tried to do for your son. I hope you find some joy and peace today. Do something nice for yourself.
Because he has a hard time keeping a job, i don’t know if he lost his current one yet (i am suspecting he did) since i haven’t been home and there are some topics i don’t like to bring up just in case it might trigger him, so i am left with all of the expenses plus if i don’t deposit the usual amount into the account, i would get threats of me having to pay him 100, 000 or he will report me for trying to poison/harm him and i would go to jail. I didnt have any issue with this at first and i was patient and told him he needs to take his time and heal. But now since i am the target of his paranoia and was the one who had to leave the house, its taking a big toll on me. His targets used to be people outside the home, at his workplace
This is another reason it would be really good for him to apply for social security disability many with this illness are unable to hold a job
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I think it is a great idea that @megmeg suggested. Often lawyers will do free consultations with those who are interested in using a lawyer to apply for social security disability. It would be a chance for you to find out what is possible and what a lawyer would suggest.
As far as your husband threatening you with police action, you might want to contact the police yourself on a non-emergency basis and find out what support they can give you. I don’t know if your police station has support specifically for mental illness or not, but I’ve had lots of good contact with ours and they are familiar with people with delusions feeling persecuted like your husband. I doubt you would be arrested for any threats your husband makes without a LOT of actual proof. You may HAVE to cut down payments you give him since you now are paying for a separate place to live for yourself.
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I believe Phetsy said she lives in Canada, maybe her son does as well? I am not familiar with Canadian disability income sources.
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Me too. 25 years of winging it with zero help and nothing but scorn.
I don’t understand why doctors and social workers don’t prepare the family for what’s to come. Even in his last few years, I was still being horribly blindsided by Billy’s stunts. He was just beyond all rational belief. He totally ruined my life and now I have no family because it’s “my fault” Billy never straightened out.
We have to do better as a community, and I mean the whole community. Billy could have been taken better care of if there had been some sharing of knowledge instead of shrouding it all in secrecy and shame.
And what happened to me should never happen to anyone. I have zero chance of even a little bit of happiness. Every girlfriend I ever had dumped me as soon as they met Billy. I don’t blame them either because if I didn’t have to deal with Billy I would have put as much distance between us as possible. I could have had a family if not for Billy. That’s what I wanted to do with my life; get married and raise a nice family. It’s way too late now. And I’m glad now I didn’t have kids, because the odds were very good that I could have fathered another Billy. I’m positive it’s in my genes so just like the descendants of Hitler, it would be immoral for me to father children. I never knew this until about ten years ago.
Phetsy, What challenges you are facing! Please get the help you need such as a therapist or a coach that deals with mental illness. Taking care of yourself is most important. What boundaries can you have for yourself? Only you can take care of yourself both physically and emotionally. You are valuable and worth caring for.
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Thanks so much, today is his court date, but last court date he refused to get out of his cell and it was continued. Fingers crossed this case will finally get somewhere. You have so bravely fought quite a fight to help your daughter and it has payed off. We have experienced things that we never imagined could happen with this illness. I am doing a gratitude journal, which helps. Have a peaceful day and hope you can do some self care. Thanks for all your input over the years, it really helps.
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Yes, @Irene, it’s been years. We all need support with this war against schizophrenia and the limited care available through society. I hope your son’s case moves forwards. Hugs to you. You are fighting a good fight.
How’s your communications with your husband on a daily basis be like?
We don’t communicate daily, so far its been on a weekly basis, he sounds fine but still believes i have/had a problem. I am trying my best to learn and understand what’s going on with him because it gets very confusing and it breaks my heart everytime he gets into the mind space where i cant help him
No I mean before you guys had a problem. How was your conversations like?
It was fine, he would speak about things like fear of recording devices such as cell phones, smart watches. At every job he has had he had issues with his co-workers, and management. He would think that they were talking about him. I didn’t know very much about the illness and it was just his normal way of speaking. I worked a lot so was not at home during the day but we spoke daily and had a lot of fun together (this was before i became the target which just happened now)
Cool. Does he sleep well? Cause fatigue could be a cause too. Ever realized that he’s different when he has good energy in him?
Yes, when he does get some sleep his mood is a lot better but when he doesn’t sleep he paces and moves things around at night