That is great advice Hatty! Thank you
Good Morning,
My fiance is also schozoaffective. I have been with her for now a year but have known her since we where kids. My advice to you is ensure he understands what is going on. Without him understanding his illness he will not help himself. My girl always seems to believe she can control the illness but that is never the case. She always thinks there is a job that has to be done a purpose to her delousions. After being sick for about 4 months and having two psychotic breaks while I have been on deployment she realizes she can not control it on her own. Without medications and treatment your road is going to be really rough. I hold multiple roles lover, caretaker, and sometimes her counselor. I take it one day at a time thatâs all you can do. Live for the good days, and donât let the bad days get you down. Now with her on anti-psychotic for a few weeks she is doing very well. Hoping she gets the injection from the doc today. Remember they need us and donât ever lose hope.
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My husband has schizoaffective disorder and bipolar disorder. We have been together for almost 8 years and it has been the most tumultuous and difficult 8 years of my life. He is kind and hardworking and funny but when the disease takes over her is a completely different person.
He has been on involuntary hold for 72 hours twice. He has been arrested, he has run out onto a 4 lane highway screamingâŚand he still wonât accept that there is something deeply wrong with him. He gets on meds then he gets himself off. Itâs a hamster wheel. Iâve tried holistic medicine, fish oil, everything. He refuses to exercise or eat healthy and thatâs a huge part of controlling the disease. He had another manic episode last night. I have PTSD from this. Iâm not going to tell you itâs gonna be easy. It wonât. I hang on to those beautiful moments when he is smiling and happyâŚbut when itâs bad? Itâs bad. Unfortunately there is nothing we can do except be supportive. My husband is now refusing meds againâŚso we are in a full blown manic episode. God has been there for meâŚyou need support and therapy as wellâŚyou love him from what i readâŚyour going to stay with him most likely just as i did. Just prepare yourself. My husband starts smoking weed, cigarettes he downloads dating apps. He does it all when heâs on a bender and I just have to forgive him when he comes back crying and apologizing. Itâs the most painful experience Iâve ever had to endure. Your lucky to have found this board. Iâve had no support from friends or family at all. They think Iâm crazy for stayingâŚgood luck
Oh did you ever hit the nail on the head. âworst disease that has ever been inflicted on the earthâ is about right. And no one brings you casseroles. You certainly learn who your true friends are as well!
When I completely wake up from the shock of the initial psychosis of my son that thrust us all into this new reality - Iâm going to see to it that I advocate for mental health. We need to get ourselves out of the shadows and INTO THE LIGHT.
As caregivers, we need love and understanding just like our ill loved ones do.
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I am giving you a cyber-hug right now. You deserve it times a million.
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Thank you so much. Iâve definitely needed it
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Advocating is nice, if you find the time for it, but I donât find that Iâm all that far into the shadows.
I talk to people on a regular basis who have someone with mental illness in their family - or they have it themselves.
When I mention it, itâs almost always - yeah, I know âŚ
Here are some examples -
The nurse at my husbandâs orthopedic office - mother has BP
a Coworker - brother has SZ
another coworker - Dad has BP
my hairdresser - mother, BP
the guy who came to unlock my car - he has BP, so do most of his siblings
the lady at a grass fed beef store I frequent - son has SZ
Thatâs off the top of my head, but youâll find that if it comes up in conversation, more people than not are affected. Add in depression & severe anxiety, and it shoots up to nearly 100%.
I refuse to be ashamed or embarrassed about it. If other people have a problem with it, then itâs their problem, not mine. And, no one has been brave enough to say anything negative to me about it. If they did, there wouldnât be a second time - theyâd get an ear full.
The only concession I make is that I donât bring it up when my son is present because he sometimes gets after me for only seeing his illness and that itâs his personal business. So, I respect that.
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Well Iâm still only a month into this⌠so no, I havenât had a chance to share this news with hairdressers, coworkers, nurses, locksmiths, etc. But I have felt stifled when talking to a few friends. I tell them just some of the story then move on. These are people who are good people so Iâm not going to hold it against them because they arenât dying to sit and listen to my story. We have other things we can talk about.
I accept that not everyone is a fit to know the sordid details - and thatâs OK.
I think you took that wrong. My point was not to talk about nothing else, to anyone who would listen, and focus solely on that single subject. Or force it on people who donât care to hear it.
My point was that almost everyone has been touched by mental illness in some way, even so-called âgoodâ people.
And, more people will know what youâre going through than you ever imagined. I, personally, donât feel like Iâm in the shadows, and maybe, in time, you wonât either.
Maybe Iâm lucky. Iâm not always the one that brings the subject up. But, if someone says my mother had bipolar or my son just had to go to the mental hospital, or I had problems until I did X, Y & X, Iâm the first one whoâll say - I know exactly how you feel.
I think everyone takes comfort in shared experiences & itâs nice to know youâre not alone.
These conversations arenât âwoe is meâ talks - thereâs a lot of shared humor, good advice and messages of hope in there too.
Hereâs how some of them came up.
My old hairdresser who had cut my hair from the time I was about 15 until she took some time off when I was about 25 came back to work. She asked about my son, since she knew him when he was little. I said, he struggles with depression, anxiety, sometimes more. She said, well, my mom had bipolar & when I was little & we went to the store, we didnât know if it would be a regular shopping trip or sheâd start taking off all her clothes, so I know how hard it can be.
The nurse in my husbandâs doctorâs office has become a close friend. She brought up the subject when her mother passed & she wanted us to know in case we noticed something was off about her that day - and she just had to take a minute & talk about it with people she knew. It was nice to be able to tell her that we knew how it was too because we had a son with problems.
I was close to crying at work one day (I am not a cryer normally) talking to my boss one day, and these were the days when I still choked on the word if I tried to even utter SZ, and itâs still hard for me to say out lout. The other manager came in, who happened to be my bossâs best friend, and she said her brother had SZ & it was a hard life.
My coworkerâs father passed. He was a brilliant man, a college professor who had published all kinds of books & won a lot of awards in his field. He could not control the bipolar, ended up self-medicating with alcohol in a one-room apartment reserved to get homeless people off the street. Now, my coworker has a daughter who has diabetes, alopecia, has been bullied & has tried to kill herself a number of times. We talk a lot - and thereâs more humor in the conversations than you can ever imagine. I think itâs good for both of us.
To end, Iâm sorry that what I mean to be advice doesnât come across that way to you, and Iâll take full responsibility for any miscommunication & try to make sure that doesnât happen again.
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