Newly wedded to a man with schizoaffective disorder and the behavior is confusing now. Husband is delusional and wants to stay away from home

Hi all. I am new to this forum. My husband of one and a half year was diagnosed with schizoaffevtive disorder about 5 years ago.
Fast forward to now…
His condition worsens if there’s a stressful situation and unfortunately the stress at his workplace which he was really excited and enthusiastic about caused him to have a breakdown in February of this year. Our daughter was born last year and hence I think the stress of “providing” and maintaining and being successful at his job took its toll on him. He started smoking weed heavily in Jan and I think that also aggravated his condition. He has now strong delusions, listens to music all the time and thinks all the lyrics apply to him. It is bizarre. He accused me of cheating, would say I’ve an interdimensional boyfriend, says he’s being lied to, and that he’s on a tv show like the movie Truman show. Has said nasty things about his infant daughter etc. he has episodes where he expresses concern for us as a family but that is short lived.

I found some notes he wrote in his jacket where he is talking to a woman telling her how he loves her and how it was always her and that he wants sons with her. This woman being his “God” and what not. I know there’s no one physically it’s all in his head. Acknowledging me and his daughter is too much for him because we remind him of his failure as a husband and as a father, in my opinion. He applied lyrics of songs to himself thinking it’s about him or it’s a sign for him. I am so scared and feel so unsafe.

Right now he is in a different State four hours away he’s spending all our money living in hotels and just driving around because he believes he’s gonna get a job there. I personally don’t believe he has any prospects there I believe he is having a delusional episode and it’s just getting worse. I am praying he comes back home and we can get him help somehow but he’s extremely smart he doesn’t do any bizarre or outrageous thing at home in fear that the EMS would be called on him.

He does text his dad sometimes asking for money or his sister but he doesn’t text me or respond to me. I’ve stopped contacting him now because I believe the more I press him or make my presence known the worse he gets. I am so heartbroken this wasn’t the man that I married. He was such a caring and kind husband. I never once let him feel bad for not having any job. I always said supportive words to him but despite all that his nasty accusations would sometimes cause me to have outbursts. I read I shouldn’t take anything personally but sometimes I couldn’t control myself. I am so mentally exhausted this man is turning me into a very “abused” sort of person. I’m so worried about saying the wrong thing that triggers him.

Please give me any advice that anybody has as to what to do now. I know he needs immediate medical help but his psychiatric team has said that he can either voluntarily choose to be admitted or when he become violent or tried to self harm. Otherwise if he’s quietly sitting and having delusions there’s nothing we can do. It is mind boggling to me.

Any word of advice or experience would be appreciated. I do not want to give up on him in just one year of marriage. Please.

@Mona, I think the main thing right now is that you need to take care of yourself and your daughter. For that, I think you need the help of a good counselor.

It sounds like your husband is having a psychotic episode, which can only be treated with meds and he has to want to take them and get better.

Like I said, I think your first duty is to yourself and your daughter. If you have family, you might want to consider moving in with them temporarily to feel safe. When you get yourself squared away take a look at I Am Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help! How to Help Someone Accept Treatment

1 Like

Thank you so much @caregiver1. You are right. My first duty is towards myself and my daughter. I am right now completing my Master’s dissertation and then hopefully will find a job. Maybe that would also reassure him that we will be alright.
For counselors, I shall speak to his ACT team and get in touch with a counselor for myself. I would update on my husband when we can get him help.
As for your advice, thank you once again and yes, we actually live on a different floor of the same house as his family. So they are here as well, and he is in contact with them but not me.
Hoping for things to be better and happier again!

Hi, I am also married to someone with SZ and it’s really tough. I’ve been married 5 years and don’t want to give up.

We’ve been through.similar.periods of delusional psychosis, but my husband had nowhere else to go so i was living with him being mad as a hatter. It was scary and I didn’t feel safe.

I made the decision to.divorce the last time this happened. My quality of life was terrible and I wanted better. Eventually he went too far and the police.took him away to hospital.

After that hospitalisation … things got a lot better. Eventually i called off the divorce and went back home. He takes his meds and even found a job.

But the trouble is, while they aren’t a ‘risk’ noone will intervene and help. The law for psychosis is all wrong, they could save them but leave them until it gets so bad it might be too late

Thank you @Chai_Tiney_Latte
Yes you are right, the laws are so strange. However, we have been able to send my husband to the hospital twice, the second time they sent him back home after one hour. He did not get his subsequent shots and hence now is having a full-blown psychosis.
Right now, I am hoping we get a chance to get him to a hospital before it gets way worse than it already is.

HI mona,

I’m so sorry to hear that. Disgraceful they sent him away after an hour.

One time we waited hours at the emergency ward while he was in psychosis for an assessment and they said I didn’t know what I was talking about and I’m not a mental health expert and sent him home. 2 days later they considered him a danger to himself and others and sectioned him in a special intensive hospital. You couldn’t make it up!

I hope you’re ok

1 Like

My son is monitored by the ACT team, and if he misses his shot, they will be notified and will intervene. They are not helping you or your husband and this needs to be addressed…
They all think they don’t need the meds, and the result is disaster.

Keep safe, glad your inlaws live there.