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I can't handle this any longer


#41

That’s an excellent piece of advice.


#42

Hey Catherine, can you elaborate on how to go about doing this? Sounds like what I need to do!!


#43

Did you just go to the facility she was being held and tell her dr how she was acting and tell them she could not come back to your home?


#44

AGREED!! If we all stand and band together maybe we can bring education instead of judgement!!


#45

Keep me in the loop! I’m not a starter but will definitely participate!!


#46

@Sheyelo I don’t know for sure because it varies state by state. I am in Ohio and I am my son’s legal guardian and getting a separate 3rd party guardian or conservator appointed by the court is a bit different I believe than a family member trying to get it. I know that if you call your local county probate court and ask them for information on how to go about it they can give you all of the specifics on it… also there is a lot of info about it online if you can look it up…I found a link explaining some of it if that helps at all…good luck… https://www.caring.com/articles/adult-guardianship


#47

He has full SSDI, so while living at home he had saved a large sum of money to live off of for a while. He was on medication which made him physically ill. One day he refused to take any more of it. I said that we would talk to the doctor and try something different. He refused ; I then stated that if we felt scared that he would have to leave. He agreed; In about 2 months he started acting up. One day he felt that someone was trying to kill him and that I knew something about it. I told him that he would have to see the doctor or leave. He got up and asked me to take him to a motel. We had called the police a few times in the past which resulted in hospital care. Two of those times resulted in a 6 week stay; which reveals how disturbed he was. He was very afraid that we would put him back in the hospital again. He felt that the doctors were trying to kill him. Not hesitating to call the police was the best action that we ever took in regard to protecting ourselves. He knew that we would not hesitate to make that call if we felt threatened. Every ones case is different; I just urge anyone that feels threatened to calmly leave the house and call the police. The police and mental health professionals familiar with our case, strongly suggested to us that our lives are in danger having him live at the house. Most mentally ill related domestic violence cases go unreported. They told me that the statistics are not accurate in regard to schizophrenic violence. it is much higher in their opinion. I , for example did not press charges after my son kicked my face in. Mean while, I have offered to either help him get an apartment or I would buy him a small house out of state ( our Calif. coastal area is too expensive) . He has refused , stating that he does not want to leave the area. He wants me to buy him a van to live in. I will not do that knowing that he should not be driving in his mental state. Furthermore, knowing his condition, that action may result in me being liable if he were cause an accident. We try our best to enjoy our retirement; but his condition is always in our thoughts which can depress us at times. I wish that we could do more, but he doesn’t trust us or anybody else. It is impossible to reason , convince, or plead to him to follow my lead and believe in us. So we just pray and hope that someday he realizes that he needs help. Sometimes I just reminisce about his younger days when he was so happy going off roading, camping, boating, and driving his new car that I gave him when he graduated from high school.


#48

Thank you for your kind words.


#49

Thank you for your kind thoughts


#50

Thanks. That must have been a hard decision. I’m just looking at damage to possessions at is is bad enough. Yours is a very sad story and I’m sorry that you are living it. I am between deciding to not have him come back here and instead go to a supported home or putting a small cabin in the woods for him. He has told me he would take his meds or I could give it to him. But I’m increasing afraid of him when I push his meds or give them to him unwillingly. It is a gut feeling I know but he has threatened us both and it’s usually around medicine.

We are between a rock and a hard place and have been for years with decision after decision trying to protect this adult child. I’ve had good days but some really hard ones too. I don’t know that he is capable of learning lessons.

I’m expected to talk to his case worker tomorrow and I am praying for discernment.


#51

I get you on the meds. Now that I don’t have to be the Med Police, we get along much better. He was at the point he’d get incredibly angry at me for even mentioning them.

No threats or violence - just a lot of anger - but I could see it eventually going there.

I think a supported home would be a great idea. It’s not like you couldn’t try the cabin later if it didn’t work out. They have some really nice small manufactured homes that have a single bedroom, living room, kitchen, porch that might work for that. I’d hope they’d be cheaper than building something, but I don’t know for sure.

They’re really cute - here’s some of them:
http://www.cascadefactoryhomes.com/park-models.html


#52

I haven’t communicated in a while. My daughter has been at Cherry Mental Institution for a month after this 3rd admission in a month’s time. When I refused to let her stay at home after the 2nd admission, I set her up in a different motel that had a better reputation. She stopped taking medication and medicated herself with the DXM and alcohol. The owners of the motel tried to help her and keep an eye on her. She wound up leaving the premises with some men and was taken to a house where they abused her and gave her hard drugs. They also gave her a disease and a broken collar bone. Her aunt and uncle and cousin found out where she was and picked her up. Her cousin told the man left at the house (not an abuser) that he should tell the others that this girl had family and they should stay away from her. Well they didn’t bother her again, but she went back to the motel. People had taken her money and phone so she didn’t do drugs, but without her meds, she went totally out of her mind. Finally the police had to be called (she was naked and setting fire to towels in the parking lot. They took her to the hospital and found out her collar bone was broken. That’s when they sent her to Cherry and in a few days they did surgery and put in a plate and screw. I had just moved to Emerald Isle, and you all can imagine the guilt I was feeling. Especially since my in-laws took care of the situation rather than me. I am so grateful that we have them in our lives.

Anyway to the good news! She has been accepted into a really nice group home about 40 mins. from me. It is for people like her. I haven’t seen it yet, but it seems to be on the level of those expensive places that I have looked into. She was taken to see it a few days ago and found out yesterday she was accepted. She will have a private room and can take her “stuff”. She has accepted that she cannot live with me at this time and knows she has to quit the drugs. Please pray for us. My place is so relaxing and I feel a happiness that I haven’t felt in years. My husband died a year ago and I finally had a chance to grieve. So I started this conversation with “I can’t handle this any longer” Jan 17 and now I feel hope for me and my daughter. Thank you all for the prayers and support. I don’t think I could have reached this point without your acceptance of what I was feeling!


#53

Wow. I’m in shock. I’m so sorry for everything your daughter has been through, that is absolutely horrible. :sob:I hope she can get better there and recover within time.


#54

I’m so happy for you that your daughter is receiving the care she needs and that you feel at peace. It is what we all want and wish for our children and ourselves. I too have gotten to the point where I can’t take it anymore and now my daughter is in a good group home, her children are here with me happy to be away from my daughter’s chaos and unpredictability but at the same feel empathy and love for their mother and I also feel at peace.


#55

I am really sorry that your daughter had to suffer so much hardship and abuse but equally as happy that she has been accepted into a new home for herself and that you are rediscovering peace once again. My best to you both.


#56

Hi everyone. I’m back. I was reading over your comments and how grateful I am that you celebrated my daughter’s improved situation.
Well, the group home wasn’t what it had seemed. It was beautiful, but that’s it. She didn’t get any counseling because they said they couldn’t get her medicaid switched and it would take a month. I asked if they wanted me to help with that and they said they would handle it. (I found out later that they had not completed the info to get her transferred and that it would take another month to get it so she could receive services!) On the same day I found this out, I’m informed that the day program that they had waited on starting because of the medicaid holdup she would not qualify because she made too much money on disability (money that the group home took from her except for a $60 monthly allowance). There was only 3 residents and the two others went to the day program. She was alone during the week with one staff -either the owner or her assistant. They would not let her help with the cooking, cleaning or even washing her own clothes which she’s been doing since she was 10. She spent her days walking in the heat in a field in front of the house. And the two staff were big talkers, hardly allowing her to speak or me either! Any way, that day I made a rash decision and took her out. I had healed alot during the months she was away from me and thought I could live with her until we found her an apartment. That’s what she wanted.

She got evicted from her apartment a month later. She had bad people staying overnight and she was drinking and using the DXM more than once a day. The EMTs came a few times and took her to the hospital. Once she had made a deep cut on her arm and had 22 stitches. The cut went to the bone and just missed the artery. The police always let the management know and then she was evicted.

She’s in a place now that’s much safer. I spend part of my time at her place and then we go to my place. She was heavily using the DXM when I would go home by myself. Now the DXM is like poison to her and makes her sick. She’s stopped it’s use for 5 days, but yesterday she drank alcohol - half a large bottle. I was afraid to leave her alone she was so drunk and mean. So here I am waited for her to wake up and wonder what the day will bring to us both. And the borderline personality disorder has gone crazy. And she still is very delusional. Sorry to have been so long, but I’m venting. Thanks for your continued prayers.