Sunday I had the police take my wife to the Hospital because she left a note describing suicidal thoughts with some friends. I hope one day she will forgive me. I have tried and tried to get her to go but she would never go. The suicide talk was the last straw for me. The Hospital said that I am blacklisted so They cannot tell me any information. They said they may have to move her elsewhere because they have no beds. They said that they would not reach back out to me unless she agreed to it. Its been a couple of days now and we have heard nothing. I worry so much for her. I just wonder how sad she is that I sent her away? How long do they typically stay in the hospital? The hospital would not tell me if it was gonna be days weeks months? Even though shes not really been here for the last 6 months or so she was still here. I miss her. this is the longest Ive ever been away from my wife in 22 years.
I am so sorry that your wife is so ill. You did what you believed to be in her best interest. Does she acknowledge her sickness and take medication? Does she have a Schizophrenia diagnosis? I encourage you to learn about depression and suicidal thoughts. There are ways to identify what are serious threats and what may be delusional thoughts or attempts to get attention.
I’m sure this time of separation and not knowing is very hard. But even if she becomes angry for a period of time, it is unlikely that she will totally turn against you unless her illness is causing such dramatic thought. Hang in there and know that you were right to be safe rather than sorry, and pray that she is getting help to move into a better direction.
Maybe you can call the ward she’s on and ask to talk to her. I can understand her anger, no one likes being locked away. There are suicide prevention hotlines that can help too as an alternative to the hospital.
I hope that she finds help at the hospital. Stays usually last about 7 days. Depending how it works out for her there could be some resentment when she gets home, but hopefully you can talk thru it.
What’s her dx?
She has not been diagnosed prior to this. She does not think she is sick. Her delusions got worse and worse and are directed at me. She hates me at this point. I could deal with the accusations and isolation just not the suicidal talks. The hospital will not talk with me at this point because she has told them that she wants nobody to be able to contact her.
I am so sorry you are going through this. I had to put an emergency detention order on my daughter to get her hospitalized. She was very angry with me at first. Once she got on her correct meds, she wanted me to visit and talk to her. Sometimes we must do these things and our loved ones will get mad. When my daughter gets mad at me, she will sometimes throw in something about me forcing her into the hospital. But i dont care! She is alive and doing better. She may hold onto that resentment forever. But she is alive and doing better.
Tbh it’s probably the best thing you could have done. She will now get a dx and get on meds. Making sure she embraces outpatient care will be the next step
I’ve had to call the police on my Sz spouse. Not for suicidal ideation, but for other dangerous behavior. He always forgave me afterward.
Can you go to the hospital and ask to see her? Even if she refuses to see you, maybe you can grab an ear of a social worker or nurse.
No I cannot see her or talk to her or know anything about whats going on because she has refused that. I guess that makes this harder. I have no idea whats going on with her
Aren’t you her next of kin? When someone is incapacitated the next of kin is responsible for care decisions. She is mentally incompetent and someone has to speak for her. The hospital, unless they filed for guardianship do not automatically get to “blacklist” people who would need to be part of her care. In mental health there is a tendency to keep things closed, but it gets complicated and don’t let the MBAs in health care bully you. Can you see an attorney for help??
Believe I know how terrifying it can be when you are not in contact with your loved one and they are in crisis. As hard as it sounds, try to use this time to recuperate and recover. Know that she is in a hospital and that she is safe. Try to see it as an opportunity for you to both focus on yourselves. I know its easier said than done.
I m so sorry. I am praying for you!
Its been a week now and I still have not heard anything. I have 2 kids graduating High School at the end of the month and mothers day coming up. both of those days are going to be hard without her around
Are you not being told anything? Did you tell the doctor that you are her husband? You have to be more assertive about finding out about her care. If you are home waiting for a phone call from the hospital, that’s not going to happen.
No I have not been told anything. I did at least find out today that she is no longer at a hospital but a mental health facility. My insurance company sent a notice allowing her to stay at the facility for a week then a reassessment will be done. The week was up yesterday. I called the facility and they asked for a pin number. I said I do not have on and they said they cannot help me unless she or the Dr. reaches out to me. They would not confirm if she was even there. I have no idea who the Dr. even is or what they are treating her for other than psychosis. I know they have rules but its frustrating. I’m sure my wife is telling them not to give me info because her psychosis was directed at me for the last couple of months.
It’s so frustrating when the scz gets in the way of the people who care the most and want to help.
I am so sorry.
I’m sorry. That is so frustrating. Do you think she’ll cone home after her discharge? Does she have family in the area?
I hope you get some answers soon.
She has family but she is not communicating with them either.
This breaks my heart. All you want is the best, and yet you are seen as the enemy. I love my wife very much. She is possibly the only way I have gotten through taking care of my father and his illness. I cannot imagine the pain you are in with this.
In my experience, one thing that WILL NOT work, is rationalizing with her. Personally, my default is to approach and say, “let’s think about this logically.” For someone mentally ill, they are thinking about things logically. It’s much better to acknowledge their position and tell them you are sorry that they feel this way.
To your question, we have repeatedly had to call the police to take him to the hospital. Several times for suicide attempts. We have never been blacklisted that I can recall, but most times it has taken 2 weeks for him to be discharged. Every time, he is mad at us, but we apologize and say we are worried for him and he ends up moving on and forgiving…until the next time, when it all compounds.
I know one thing we are looking into is medical power of attorney. It is definitely a last resort because it can really piss the person off.
I am so sorry man.
A few years ago I had to commit my son. His mom, now my ex, refused to help. I know what you are going through.
First, you absolutely did the right thing. Threats or indicators of suicide must be taken seriously.
Second, the treatment she receives may very well eliminate her animosity. My son did as your wife. He left my name off his list of persons allowed to communicate or visit. However, when he was discharged he called and asked if he could come see me. Since then we have become best friends. We spend a lot of time with each other which I cherish.
If I had not had him committed I probably would have lost him. The same could be true for you.
I will pray for you and your wife. God bless!
Hello fatboy 73
Isn’t it ridiculous that the way the system works is to let the mentally incompetent loved one make the decision not to give you any information about their well being?!
My family has been in this limbo state with our son for over 2 years! The parents or spouse have absolutely no rights to any information, it just doesn’t make any sense.
So sorry for you and your family. Is there any other family member that you wife will trust? Can you get them to talk to your wife, maybe she will sign a ROI to someone she trust and the doc can talk to them.
Edit: you are doing the right thing by saving your wife from any harm. The doctors will.take good care of her, sending you love and compassion, AnnieNorCal