Hi, I have posted earlier about my husband having an episode and how it was escalating to something serious. His sister called 911 and has been taken to the ER. The psych team got convinced that he needs to be admitted thankfully. However while he was in the ER he texted and called to tell me that he wants a divorce as soon as he gets out. Then repeated calls and msgs saying the same thing over and over again. Very hurtful stuff. I refused to reply or respond to any one of his calls and msgs. I know it’s his bipolar + schizophrenia telling him that but I’m broken. We have a nine month old daughter. Everyone is telling me to keep strong and brave and that he is saying all this just to hurt me. Was I naive to believe no matter what he will never say those words to me?
He will be out eventually and we will come face to face to be honest I am not ready for that. His treatment has however started at the hospital.
Wishing for encouraging words and personal experiences with happy endings here
Unfortunately they do lash out and blame those closest to them. They can’t acceptntheir illness in most cases andnit’s easier to say you are the problem.
If you aren’t ready for him to come home, makensurenyountell the psychiatric and ward staff. Time apart can really help both of you. Because you have a daughter they will listen to you more than they did me. If you say you don’t feel that you and your daughter are safe living with him it can mean a longer hospital stay at least. In the UK they would find him another place to live if a.child is involved only.
Once his meds kick in you might find his current temperament is.very different though. Only time will tell. But antipsychotics can make a huge difference in a short amount of time, a matter of weeks. Getting him to take them.after he leaves hospital.will be the challenge
Thank you for your response. Not only does he want a divorce he believes there is someone named Diana who is his actual wife and better half and told me how I don’t compare to her. It is not a real person it is an idea. That hurts me a lot
I think until Diana disappears you will struggle to have any real conversation. The first time my husband went into hospital he was transferred to an ‘intensive’ one he was so ill. At this place he was convinced I bought a flat next to him with my new husband and were spying on him. My dad was even trying to convince him I didn’t have a new husband because he wouldn’t believe me.
He always thought the worst of me and that I was out to get him somehow
Sorry that you are facing this. You need to improve communications. Perhaps you could involve a third party professional. There is something going on for him, perhaps from his past which is unresolved. Drugs are not the answer. They can subdue and uplift, suppress but do not address the underlying cause of concern which needs to be addressed. Is he doing anything differently now that he wasn’t doing before?
Hello quick update. Husband is back home from the hospital is now taking his meds regularly but has moments of delusions/irrational thinking. But things are much better right now.
He is still persistent that he has a job for him in another State (which isn’t true). But all in all his mood, eating and sleeping habits are much MUCH better. is also friendly and making jokes and playing with our daughter. But any mention of the things he said in his episode he just brushes it off. Idk what his mind is like.
@Mona, thanks for letting us know that things are much better.
I wondered, and forgive me if you have said before, have you ever read Dr Amador’s book “I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help”? I ask because, even though your husband take meds, the communication method LEAP can be a life changer for living with someone dealing with delusions and irrational thinking.
Are you asking him about things he said during the episode?
Dear @hope No I have not. But I surely will if you recommend it Thank you!
And no I don’t specifically ask him but it does come up and I pry but I have noticed that I should not. So now I am trying to forget all that. He still says stuff that triggers me for example he mentions how a woman is controlling him and it wants me to say a lot of things but I walk away.
The best analogy I’ve found to explain this situation to caregivers is it’s similar to waking up from a dream. One that family and friends have incomplete knowledge of with the potential of deeply embarrassing or emotionally damaging you. It makes you vulnerable and as you’re “waking up” you may be confused and disoriented and feel it deeply unfair to be held responsible for things you’ve said and done in your “dream state”.
Even now, 35 years later, when my mother brings up events that led to my hospitalization, we have a tendency to argue, as our experiences and details and vividness of our memories vary significantly. There are parts of my experience I’m unwilling or unable to share because of the complexity and irrationality of it defy description, it would make me vulnerable to ridicule or may hurt others unnecessarily. My advice is not to pry, focus on positive results in recovery, and allow him to open up about his experience on his terms.
Thank you very much @Maggotbrane That is such a sound advice. Yes he is feeling much better now thankfully, has interest in food, tv etc. Does say some things here and there that don’t make sense but I just listen. I am not prying anymore. He seems happy and smiling more. I am very relaxed after a period of extreme stress. I was starting to feel hopeless but here we are He deleted the hurtful text messages he sent to me in his episode himself from my phone so I don’t have to read them again
I am praying and hoping he gets a job or starts thinking about one soon because routine is important for him. He is still stuck at receiving a job in another state (there is no job it’s a belief he has now that he will receive one because “they” have been watching him to recruit him)
So glad to hear things have improved for you- and for your daughter too!
Unfortunately another struggle awaits me. An ignorant physician keeps prescribing my husband Modafinil. Now the thing is it isn’t the Modafinil itself but the medicine abuse by my husband. He has consumed about 30 pills in 3 days. And as soon as he started taking Modafinil his mood and behavior has been declining. Not as bad as his episode but this also isn’t normal.
The problem is only I know about his Modafinil use. So if anything I do regarding this, he’d know for sure it was me and he’d be very very upset with me. But I plan to involve his ACT team and let them know that he is abusing it. Just FYI Modafinil is for treatment of extreme sleepiness. It makes my husband not sleep and have loss of appetite as well. It’s like a lesser potent version of Adderall ( my husband abused adderall for years and eventually was diagnosed with schizophrenia, adderall ruined his life) and now Modafinil.
His father has spoken to the physician in the past to let him know about the abuse and the physician then told my husband after his hospital release that he’d only prescribe modafinil if his psychiatrist agrees to it. I think my husband somehow convinced the physician about psychiatrist agreeing to it. Maybe even faking a document idk.
I need good wishes and I hope you guys are all doing good. This is a struggle and I am so over it but he is my husband I can’t give up.
We are living with my in laws and they are supporting financially because my husband has no job and is delusional about getting one. That also is making his condition worse but I am hoping for a good outcome. He is now non compliant of his meds ever since he started modafinil.