I am so sick of this illness. I am so sick of the yo-yo bullshit. One day it’s “I love you, I’m so lucky”, the next day it’s “our relationship is over”.
I feel like I did in high school when I dated an abuser, always making excuses for their behaviour and feeling sorry for them.
I am tired of crying. Tired of being my spouse’s advocate, tired of trying to keep them alive while they treat me like shit and break my heart.
And why is that the sick persons behaviour is always excusable but my being hurt by it is not? My daughter just said that ‘it shouldn’t bother me because I know he is delusional’…
I am broken. I no longer know what to believe. But am certainly not feeling that ’ he loves me’ is what’s true anymore.
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I feel your pain. Take a moment for yourself. Maybe a nice outing with your daughter just the two of you. Keep well
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I’ve been diagnosed as sza. I don’t expect anyone to put up with mistreatment from me, and I don’t mistreat people.
Is your spouse taking their meds? I would first try to figure that out. Then if they’re not, I would not put up with that. If they are taking their meds, I would encourage them to see their dr with you to discuss med adjustments to help you both out. Just because your spouse is mentally ill doesn’t mean you have to get trampled on all the time.
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When I make adjustments to my meds by my own I become a reall unpleasant cruel person. So I now always take my meds to keep the personality of a loving kind person.
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Try self compassion practices and it will guide you to the right direction at least based on my personal experience. You can look into Self compassion. org and NAMI family to family class and their support. Blessings on your way.
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Gosh, I am so sad that the original poster of this thread hasn’t been on this site since last fall. I can only wonder if she found some support/relief or if her husband is doing better. I am glad to see the more recent posts and hope you all continue to do better in life.
To anyone who comes here to read, and who needs emotional support, keep coming back, and keep looking for ways to improve your life bit by bit. It is soooooo hard to support a person with sz that sometimes we caregivers (mother, fathers, siblings, spouses, friends etc.) forget to care for ourselves, or leave it till last. It is very important to do self care, and reading and sharing on this site can be a part of that.
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I am back.
It has been an awful difficult year. Husband in hospital Sept - October 2021, discharged still sick. Back to hospital Feb - March 2022, discharged with improvement but not well. Medication compliance has not been the problem. Yesterday he hid his car in the bush because “someone was following him” and would also not tell our daughter where he was when she phoned looking for him. He did come home. He does not have a crisis team even though at every discharge they claim he will have one. I myself was promised that I could attend meetings for family and caregivers but that also never happened. The system is shit.
Can we arrange our own meetings? Like would anyone on here want to meet somewhere for a coffee/breakfast/lunch to support each other? I live in the Muskoka area. I’d be happy to drive to meet someone: Orillia, Bracebridge, Barrie…
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Hi @HeatherDiane , welcome back to the site. Seems like you’ve had regular struggles going on, I wish things were lots better for your husband, you and your daughter, but am glad there is some improvement. Sometimes one little step forward means a lot.
I am so lucky that there was in person support here for me when I needed it as there are 3 different cities nearby with NAMI support meetings. Maybe someone lives near you, or there is an online support active. At least you can come here to post and get some conversations going on here.
Hi,
As a fellow spouse to a husband that never truly appreciates me or how much I do and sacrifice for him every day, I really feel your pain.
I am also sick of the yoyo life and going round the same problems in circles. I have been with 12 and a half years, married for five. He has just been sectioned again recently and put my pets in danger and I was so scared. He still doesn’t see how terrible his behaviour was and thinks I should not have had him sectioned in hospital again.
So now I am asking myself: can this continue? Do I give up on him and get divorced? I love him and always hope things will get better but they never seem to. I feel so underappreciated and am fed up with verbal abuse.
What have you decided to do?
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Hi,
You are not ALONE in this path. I have been in your place so many times to the point I felt like I am like a poppet that has been danced (controlled by) by all the threats of fears and frustrations that this brain disorder imposes to me in a sad way that drains my energy (so I decided to act from choice and dance by being aware)…
Similar to you, I (and this is a highly iron willed girl) went to the line of divorce (and I can tell you it is not easy at all ) to the point that I have become desensitized to the process (tragic comedy) and since this disorder like many disease takes away your precious time spending on this planet to focus on the values that mattered to you before knowing this new entity:(, it comes with a huge sadness and frustration…trust me… I get it) but in the darkest moment, a phrase from a neighbor who agreed to walk with me for couple of mornings when I was brave enough to ask for help for my depressed, non-motivational mood, gave me the clue:" YOU CAN NOT FIX THIS". Now, take this phrase as your pill for 4 times/day (I mean keep repeating that with yourself) and give yourself another week or so to try this new normal and reflect to see how your decision will take you (anyway is fine…I have a kid and it helped me with that …it might help you in some other way…). You are in my thoughts and prayers. Dealing with this anger is not something easy but self compassion and faith have been two good friends of mine.Best wishes for you. You are not alone. Life has not been fair to you…I get it. Blessing on your way and thanks for sharing. I felt like I could share my anger with someone.
*And just to clarify: keep saying “YOU CAN NOT FIX this DISORDER”. Which then can help you to radically accept (even more from the past) and put your energy on things that you can change. In my case, I started off by working on myself and was able to develop a respect for a person that this was not his choice (basically for someone that is hiding underneath the cape of this disorder…but can be as simple as: do not loosing hope or something useful and helpful at the end…at least based on my experience… but I know everyone story is different. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to share.
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