Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Where is the love? Where did it go?

#1

My husband has been doing so well for the last year, and now he stopped his meds and is a completely different person. He acts like he could care less about me. He acts like he doesn’t love me. He won’t share in my laughter. He just acts like he hates everyone and everything. It is just such a shock because he was so sweet and loving to me before. Why can’t he see this? Why can’t he see what this is doing to me and our marriage? Please say prayers for us, we need help.

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#2

I have also experienced the lack of love in my marriage.

Please be strong and take care of yourself first. Being a caregiver is such a difficult job and can suck the life out of us. Take advantage of whatever help you can find and keep looking around for new options.

That person you fell in love with is still there. It might take a long time (or might never happen, but we hope for the best), but he may come around. He might need to reach a low, possibly a low you don’t want to see happen, but when he decides to get help, it will turn around. I will be praying for both of you. :revolving_hearts:

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#3

A bit of perspective on this from someone with SZA…

When you’re ill and you are hallucinating, delusional and paranoid, you can get self-absorbed, self-obsessed. I tell people it’s like you’re the worst “emo” teenager in the world. It’s all happening to you, no one understands you, no one knows what you are going through, no one knows how it feels, you can’t make anyone understand and as a result you are angry and self-centered 24/7. Where does the love go? I think, it goes into preoccupation with the illness and symptoms.

I used to say it was as if my SZ/SZA was wanting me to be alone, so it could have me to itself. As far as getting him past this, I think it’s similar to what you do with a difficult teen. Tell them that you love them, that you know they are hurting and are trying to help, and that when they get through this they may think about it differently and remember how things used to be.

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#4

Hi maggotbrane,

That makes a lot of sense, what you say:

Much of the time, I feel that my husband is struggling to break free of the illness. He gets angry when I express any sympathy or tell him that I’m worried about him, but I try to let him know I care about him and his well-being any chance I have.

Thank you for posting this.

#5

Thanks for the prayers. I said a Rosary for my husband tonight and I’m going to church in the morning to pray.

#6

Thanks for the perspective, I see his suffering on his face. The illness is claiming him, but hopefully he will remember how wonderful he was and realize it was the meds that allowed him to be wonderful.