Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

I miss things I never thought I would miss

#1

I took care of my dad for years… by myself as the rest of my family couldn’t handle his personality and sometimes mean and hateful front… but I always knew who he was deep down inside and even when I was frustrated he always knew I loved him and would be there (not as an enabler) but as his support. It was a lot of weight to carry… one that I used to swear I would not miss.

It’s been 2.5 years since I lost my dad to suicide after a rocky road with alcoholism followed by paranoid schizophrenia… I would give anything to have him back… and sometimes… like tonight… my life feels incomplete and empty without him. I know it’s so hard, and completely emotionally draining at times, but if there is one word of advice I could give it’s to cherish the good times and stand firm in your love in the hard times. There is a difference between enabling and letting them know you love them.

Someday when all is said and done you might look back and tears may fall at the loss of your loved one, their baggage and all.

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#2

This is very sweet. I’m glad you have been able to focus on the good things in this disordered world. Let the tears fall for now; if it weren’t for love, we wouldn’t have tears. Have you ever thought about writing down memories of your dad?

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#3

Thank you… honestly I think most of the past 2.5 years I have tried my best to stay in the denial stage - I know not healthy - but how do you put a time frame on grief and loss. I wrote a blog about it once, but find a lot of how I feel hard to put into words because I don’t think I even completely understand the mix of emotions I feel on nights like tonight where denial disappears and it feels a little too real.

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#4

Grief is such a heavy thing, and it goes hand in hand with caring for someone with schizophrenia. I lost my mom to cancer when I was 17, I still feel the grief and loss decades later, as she was so young and it was so unfair. Losing my daughter to sz was tougher, and I treasure these days she is on meds that work. I don’t personally think you will ever stop missing your dad.

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