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I want my son back


Yes I think it is important to visit him even if he says he doesnt want you there. I try to see my son at the same time every other day while he is in hospital even though he doesnt want to speak to me because i am the one who put him there, but i think it shows you are supporting him , that you love him . Even if he doesnt say it to you after a while he will appreciate it and will look forward to your visits. I bring my son a bottle of Pepsi every time I go so even if he doesnt really care to see me he looks forward to the Pepsi, but you can bring whatever you like , or whatever you think he will really appreciate each time you show up. My visits are very short as he has nothing to say to me but i like to see him so we each get something out of the visit.


Right there with you. Know that awful sad feeling for our babies. No friends. Nothing. I cry every day still, my son diagnosed paranoid schizophrenia 2013. He turned 30 two days ago.


My son had anxiety diagnosed at an early age, too. Also ADHD without hyperactivity.


I could have written these very words myself! I do love this forum!


I believe it is very much a remission. Remission as opposed to recovery. Still need medication though, I guess.


Hi Sandy. I’m from the uk, West Yorkshire. I searched for support groups over here and this is the best place I have found, amazing support and people who complete understand the really rough days and who celebrate the good times too. I hope today’s a good day :heart:


yes do not stop the medication , not unless doctor says its ok to , but i doubt it


Hi Sandy ,
I’m British , i live in florida now . I was in London in the summer where my son attended a place called Equip . If you reach out to them I’m sure they can help you or guide you .
All the best ,
Linda .


Believing. I totally can relate as all us parents can. Your dreams are ours as well. Never feel alone. I have done so much research on my son’s schizoaffective condition, I live the horror not just daily but every minute like a roller coaster as from min to min change. i bumbarded myself researching, diets/foods, vitamins, meds etc etc etc. reading reviews of others. As you all are aware is there is just so much to take in and the pain in our hearts is unexplainable, the roles we must learn to play and even going against our protective Motherly rules and how even family have opinions but don’t live it, so causes more pain on what they think should be done, when I understand and appreciate the concern and love but they don’t live it like we do so can cause arguments yet again fighting to make people understand as they just don’t get it. Is just so damn hard and heartbreaking as that is all I say & pray is please God just give my son back it is so devastating and helpless unable to fix. Not just my dreams but his goals in life shattered, to thrive all your life up to 21 then bammm everything gone. All the dreams. I am just so happy that I came across this forum & as I read I see I am not alone and in a very sad way can see we all experience the same coping skills and heartache. I did not read all replies yet, just wanted to reply as this is one of my biggest dreams and I always say “Please, I beg to just have my son back, I would do or give anything.”


Sandy, Your son and you have touched my heart. I see this was written Aug 31st And it is Nov 9th now so praying all is well now for you, your son & family. I also have been were you are as I had to call the police on my son after a few times police had picked him up and he was treated so inhumane on those occasions but this one time I had to call the police as I felt for his safety as he left the house I thought he was going to go hurt himself, I listened to police on my house phone take him down and had him drip to his knees hands behind head etc IT KILLED ME and I am the one my son trusted the most he to would not look at me or except my visits etc…and hard to explain to them when there lost in there brain of why. Still today after that last relpse he says please don’t ever do that again, I said my son/baby please understannd it hurt me more but I am your Mother and feared for you and longggggggg talks he gets it but still with each relapse he throws it in my face. Please know Sandy, the specialists gave up on my son and said he would live his life in an institution, hellllllllll no I said, we fought hard and he was relapse free for 3 damn yes with no meds as long story but I thought it was gone then he relapsed Sept 5th and just this week he coming around but ya never know his roller coaster. Sandy NEVER give up. I fought form 1’s etc actually I think that is when my son gained trust in me and man what a battle. Thing is as a Mother and your beliefs get thrown out the window to help so there comfortable is the worst feeling this damn disease. I fought docs, police, husband, family but guess what he beat the odds for 3yr anyways arghhhhhh. Sandy, if you need anybody please add me as a friend. We can commute Facebook, email if you need anyone for aupport. Thinking of you and your son.


Daquilamargarite, Yet again my life to a T…Thinking of you sweet Mom and your baby.


Apple what is depot? My son refuses meds and against my belief and research he odd times smokes marijaunna which I know in long term no good. But at same time I find meds more traumatizing? The side effects and don’t matter the cocktails of meds none work and is known fact from what I research. My son is 26 and went non medicated with no relapse for 3 yrs till recent relapse he is schizoaffective has both schizohrenia and bipolar 1 is damn hell. Currently he will take lorazepam if bad but won’t touch psychotic drugs. I have researched everything and just kills me with this disease still today they have not come any further along so damn sad. I also am a firm believer of big pharma. I begged psychiatrist s to talk to my son as he was stabbed in the brain ripping artery and 3 branches of nerves to the brain, this brought on this schizoaffective disease. I am so proud of his strength and can’t fathom daily what he faces. Just continue to back him and less stress and back, back, back him encourage him it has got is 3 yrs of no relapse but even those 3yr he suffered inside not himself but secluded himself into his room understandably not trusting people what he went thru but when I asked psychiatrists to talk to him of what happened to him as he begged for understanding all he Needs I was told is sorry no time only time to medicate!!! Stay tough Mom, I have fought with all doc’s, family everyone but my son actually can’t say not fight with my son but agree to disagree as with his disease you have to as a caregiver know how to balance. Is a nightmare.


Exactly hun. Still go…I use to bring homemade food he would refuse and then said Mom, I just want to be home having home cooked meals, I said then work baby and I will fight too…he did and we fought when they said my son would be institutionalized for life, I fought as he fought docs can’t believe it today. Loads of work but ya can do it, it is like a game but WORDs are huge on how to get thru it.


Sandy, also remember till you find right med side effects of meds is suicidal thoughts this was my main concern as you can imagine. My son will only take lorazepam no psychotic and I won’t push it cause of suicidal thoughts. My son also will turn religious we’re I tread lightly to remind him he is not a horaeman, knight or warrior but keep his faith in God BALANCE is tough but God side is better then the demon voices. Also coming off meds can cause suicidal thoughts arghhh is such a battle. Stay strong sweetie. Also be careful as my son when he refused to see me and hated me for putting him in, he played me to get out but I made him put on the work and said I would fight too…I remember 1 episode he played me just to get out and was picked up and put right back in thankfully I did t have to put him back in he was picked up on the street that time.


Hi ive been off here a while thank you for your kind words and support my son and us as a family have been on a massive rollercoasster . Firstly my son returned from a picu unit back to an acute ward the following day i was asked to take him home for the weekend i was shocked id already explained hed been palming tablets still paranoid whilst with them but they insisted so i took him for a few hrs with in an hour hed taken a massive overdose had to be bluelighted back to hosp was in re-sus for 8hrs touch and go heart rate 170 he then spent 2 days in mainstream hosp before going back to the mental health unit on the thur he told me he had leave with me (no word from a dr to ask me) i said i cudnt this day as i was working so he convinced a friend for money maybe not a gd friend to go try take him luckily this didnt work! But after 10 mins he has now managed to get on to the roof of the hospital 10 lng hrs he was up there before they could convince him to come dwn. The following day his dr wants discharge??? I wasnt agreeing to this ( friday overdose thur roof ) things are so bad he wants to kill himself or run! Well after that he stayed but now hes making contact to people for a lift out twn when he goes on escorted leave ive informed the unit about this so they take him out on escourted leave LEAVE him outside a shop whilst they go in well hes off now getting in a car and hes gone. 5 lng days he was gone 300 miles away trying to leave the country. Hes back on the unit ive complained to everyone as high as i can go and still am. The stress this unit has put us thro it shudnt be this hard the illness shud be the hard part not drs etc. Anyway he was then given a very strong depot and turned him into a zombie so now another fight for less or a different type. I have now started small amounts home leave which has gone well he sstill blames me but at least we are talking now.


I’m so sorry you are going through this. What an emotional roller coaster. I’m reading about the pioneers and the thought keeps coming to my mind. Our children would survive, their determination is incredible.
I am glad he is talking to you. I’m sure you take it a day at a time. God bless you and your son.


Yes, same here. ADD no hyperactivity. He would just zone out or be elsewhere. Then meds amphetamines to focus. Then psychosis, so absolutely NO amphetamines which he now craves and asks for but everyone says they are no good for his diagnosis. Does any of this sound familiar?

My son misses being able to write and concentrate and I believe the mania those drugs delivered. He used the pot to sleep and calm down. Between the two, they are no good for the brain IMO.


Oh Sandy, I have heard so much horror and have been there myself with hospitals and the yoyo game they play but this is as bad as it comes. This is inhumane…Your son as done all this and next day??? You kidding me? I am sorry but this is why I am against big pharma meds as they psychiatrist s have zero compassion for patients and just over dose them with cocktails of drugs and the side effects on most drugs are suicide? 90 percent of patients don’t feel any better but worse, it does not cure. I am trying different vitamins, foods, my own therepy. It works IF I could get my son to stay off marijuana it be amazing. I am waiting on him to see my view as I tell him, I know you say it is good on your mind in the moment but it is blowing your mind in the long run and repeat to him we are doing what we can at home to keep him out of hospital but it is up to him. The other day, I had to visit the E.R and there was a woman my age crying like crazy begging for help to stop the vooces, she was treated like a dog. Nurses said just sit there and relax!!! We gave you a pill 3 hrs ago and it’s not your turn to get in to the doctors? She begged saying the voices are severe and dangerous they came out said doc said you can have another pill gave it to her she took it and curled up on cement floor? The compassion is inhumane. I am beside myself on the treatment your son is getting with everything he has done. My heart truly hurts for you and your son. I know one in hospital stay my son was in they allowed home visit, it was the worse taking him back begging please I will be fine and work this out please don’t send me back. I said you do work and I promise I will to get you out. He was not suicidal but was refusing there meds. He was psychotic. This is one visit there has been 2 others were they nightmearly tackled him with no cause and threw him on a table tied him down and injected him? Know wonder why they fear. Is disgusting. I have a story of hell with our battle but your story is inexcusable non exceptable for this care. Are you alone in this Sandy? Do you have support, ie family, friends then again sometimes that can make it worse as they just don’t get it how we see it all and they just see the small picture. Sandy, life is a rollercoaster but your battle & your son’s is a haunted house. So very sorry.


HI mommaD.
Depot is just injection. Son chose depot which is unusual but it works ok for him.
As time passes he seems to be gaining less weight and his face is less bloated- cheekbones reappearing!
He is more organised, losing things less often and at present is managing to write some articles that have been published but he still often feels fuggy and his sleep pattern is still all over the place.Still, compared to 2 years ago when he was dangerously psychotic, life is good, day at a time.
He is going to try returning to study but based at home with me as he doesn’t manage daily tasks of life so well. We really don’t know if study will prove possible. He wants to try it.
I think depot is a good idea as long as it is by choice.


My heart hurts for you. He is there but he’s not the little boy you remember and knew so well. It is ok to grieve for that part of him that is gone or obscured. It is a loss and perhaps thinking of the things you’ve done to help you cope with experiencing loss may help you when you miss him while he’s physically still there.