Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Im doing it all wrong

My husband doesn’t believe he’s sick. He believes people who hate him have been tormenting him for 3 years, and now they are electrically shocking him, using some kind of device that they point on him from next door. And I really struggle with the right thing to say. I can’t bring myself to pretend or collude…But of course now he is bitter that I “don’t believe him”
His pot addiction is not helping but he also refuses to believe its related.
I don’t know what to do. We just uad another fight and I know I am doing all the wrong things.

I am really sorry for what you are going through

I just finished Dr. Amador’s book ‘I’m not Sick, I Don’t Need Help’… his LEAP method is delicate and logical and I talk to a CBT doctor who gives me tips for communication and encourages me to have patience and emotional balance and I’ve been trying to do “the right” things according to experts’ advice; however, I also feel I want to bluntly voice my rejection for my afflicted loved one’s hallucinations/delusions and tell them ‘IT’S Not True What the Voices Tell you, They’re just making you more ill!’ That’s what I’m frustrated about, wanting to challenge their hallucination/delusions!


I’m sure you are not doing it all wrong, so you have to look for the positive in what you are doing. But I too recommend you read that book by Dr. Amador. Delusions and hallucinations cannot be broken by telling someone they are delusional. Arguing over delusions has not helped my family, I have had zero success in trying to get my daughter to see she is ill for the past 2.5 years, but I have learned how to better communicate with her about other things especially by applying the system from this book (called LEAP) which has returned many benefits to our lives.


Refusing to agree with delusional thinking is actually one of the important right things.
You can empathize with the emotions understand the feelings without supporting flawed, harmful logic.


Thanks, all, I will check out the book. I appreciate the help. … I feel less alone.


There is no right way to do it. I like the LEAP book and method and have never gotten past the listen and empathize parts.

With the pot addiction, his symptoms will not improve unless he stops using if he has sz or related illness.

I am so sorry you are going through this. Trust yourself and seek supportive resources for yourself and then for your husband.


My ex has paranoid sz and also thought that people were shocking him w devices. I never told him that I believed him. Or any of his other delusions.
He came to accept that I was “oblivious” to such things. He harbored resentment against me, I think, but we didn’t argue about what was real or not.
I agree w the other posters, learn as much as possible about this disease. I relied on Dr. Torrey’s book “Surviving Schizophrenia.”


@wreklus you previously introduced me to the stage/symptom of schizophrenia called Alogia which I did some further homework about and it makes it difficult for me (along with my sister’s isolation) to find time for conversations about delusions, I barely have time daily while I’m with her to say ‘hi, how are you, I love you’ but my afflicted sister voiced her delusions years ago before Alogia and I believe they just became more intense and they reflect on her rejections and body language and when she gives me bad looks while I try to help her, then I remember her delusions and wish to explain things to her…

Having a conversation at all with someone suffering Sz / SzA symptoms seems to be a challenge.
I have had many occasions where talking to my brother has been anywhere from taxing to downright confounding to being shut out completely.
I try to remember that it’s not his fault and it’s rarely his choice. Poverty of speech, obsession, and mania (even to a small degree) is probably more common to Sz than the academics give credit. And it makes talking a real chore for both parties.
All we can do is keep the communication open, available and reliable. Calm temper, even tone and the readiness to start (and also end) a conversation is important. When they feel the need for human interaction, hopefully they seek us out and with the intent to talk about constructive things.
I realize that is rarely the case for any of us, but that’s my goal anyway.

I think it starts with refusing to entertain zainy, outlandish theories. Then, enhanced by promoting discussion about needs, goals and quality of life improvement.


It’s so challenging to deal with schizophrenia or any other related illness. It is especially difficult when your loved one isn’t capable of seeing that they are sick and need help. My son is still without treatment and is living with us in a separate cabin on our property. He self medicated with marijuana to any any all lengths possible. I’ve gone through it in my mind over and over trying to find ways to help him seek help and to help him see that the pot doen’t help. It’s almost surreal that they don’t see they have a problem. My son thinks it’s the government, radio frequencies, stress, MRSA ( a skin disease) anything but his perfectly functioning mind…it’s all so complicating. I realized I can’t go there in my mind, trying to figure it all out. And I try not to blame myself for doing it all wrong… it really doesn’t help at all. I hope the best for you, many people on here have guided their loved ones to the help they need. For me, I try my best to let him be and give him a roof over his head, a shower and laundry facilities and occasionally food. But as for conversation…not too much, as little as possible. And believe me it’s not my style, I love to talk.

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I will check out the book, thank you. He said talking to me is just talking to a wall, and he would never treat me this way if I were being victimized, he would help me. He is bitter that I won’t help him find the people hurting him. I try not to lose my temper but it’s so hard when he starts screaming at me. Thanks for your help, tho, i appreciate it.

Really difficult to tell if the pot partially caused the sz or if the sz kept driving him to use more to cope. I got him to see a doctor recently, very grudgingly, and at one point he said he didn’t know why we were there, he’s a very happy, normal person who was being tormented by people who hate him. And once everyone acknowledges this and helps him find those people, we could get on with our lives. And when the truth comes out, I would hate myself for not believing him. So, for now, yep, its about shelter and food and keeping him from becoming homeless, and praying he doesn’t decide our neighbor is complicit while I’m at work.

It is difficult for me also to tell if the pot caused the sz. It is very potent these days with very lhigh levels of THC. This article has a clear argument against marijuana use for sz: