Today has been draining! My son is so demanding and if he doesn’t get his way, he falls into a manic and occasionally violent episode. Today was no different. We were going off and I made a simple request for him to clean up his area in the garage where he sits and smokes once we got back. I was just making general conversation and he lit up like a fuse. He starts screaming at the top of his lungs so all the neighbors can hear but what he says makes no sense. Then he rides his bike up and down the street, still screaming. Profanity, vulgarities and filthy remarks about anyone and everyone, including me. Then he threatens to kill me and slapped me across the face. I’ve learned not to react or run away because it just fuels the fire. He just says if he kills me that I’ll just come back to life. I’m like “whatever.”
He has suffered from a series of head injuries and calling the police is no longer beneficial since they have contributed with additional head injuries during some of the latest Baker Acts. Bad thing is…he is current on his medication and resistant to treatment. No one can be around him as far as giving me a break and he would not stay at a group home or RTC - even a day respite. I’ve been dealing with this BS since I was in my early 20s and I’m now in my mid 60s - it started with his dad and has been going downhill since. I’m just plain tired… so for those who ask if they should get involved with someone with SZ, unless you have a strong faith and a strong constitution, you’re asking for heartbreak! `sorry - that’s just the way I see it WHEN you have a choice …
I’m shocked that the neighbors haven’t called the police but they’ve seen him grow up and pretty much understand that he just isn’t there anymore. I’m at a loss for what to do. He is 40’ish and can’t possibly hold a job. When something does happen to me, his mind is so screwed up that he can’t possibly take care of himself. He says sometimes that when I die, HE dies, too.
I guess SZ has a multitude of levels and he’s probably at the worst. So, for those of you who haven’t reached the bottom, keep looking up. I try to focus on the good times but when the tough times just show up out of nowhere, it knocks the wind out of me.
Think I’ll check on a different blood pressure medicine next time I see the doc. Its either that or take up drinking and that wouldn’t be beneficial to either of us.
Thanks for hearing me out and its comforting to know that this group is out there, understanding where I’m at and often in the same boat. Take care all - be blessed!