I'm just like you

#1

I’m just like you. I combed the internet for some place to discuss my child, whom I love, but have reached the edge of the abyss with. I want to vent to someone who doesn’t think their well meaning advice will fix everything, or judge whether I’ve enabled my child, or that I should draw a firm line in the Sand and leave my child on the other side… Expecting them to cross-over because all kids love their parents, ultimately. Because those of us that know, know that those things aren’t necessarily true.

I’m just like you. Looking for answers how to get the best treatment when we can’t even nail down a concrete diagnosis, when HIPPA prevents me from being able to help my adult child to the best of my ability, when my adult child wants to improve but their mind self-sabotauges every progress.

I’m just like you. I have bruises. Mental, spiritual, emotional, and as of last night; physical bruises. All inflicted on me by the one I would die for… But don’t want to die from. Emotional Bruises from a spouse that does their best to support but has their own personal demons. They spiral into depression the worse things get so that when I need them the most, they are the least capable of supporting me. And, my other child who cannot come to terms that the behaviors they witness are truly involuntary. So they feel cheated that bad behavior gets attention and they judge me accordingly.

I’m just like you. But I feel so damned alone.

#2

You are not alone. Look at the statistics. We are here and invite you in. You/ we haven’t done anything to deserve this. It just happens. Talking about it makes it tolerable and gets us through the day.

#3

You are just like us and as @Mom2 wrote, you are not alone.

I remember feeling completely alone in the beginning. Over the years my family member has been ill, I sometimes reached out and received the same dismissive messages and responses you have noticed. But I learned how and who to trust.

I hope you feel comfortable and safe here. I hope the best for your family.

#4

Welcome, we too, just like you found this site. The privacy act (HIPPA) not letting a parent know what’s going on is just not right.

#5

Hi, thanks for your post.
It’s really common to get different diagnoses, and then be asked to confirm a family member has a certain diagnosis that you’re not sure of. Since there may be several in their medical chart, with each different Psychiatrist, L.I.S.W, psychologist that they see.
So sorry that your child physically attacked you.
It is an abyss.
I have to step away to schedule time just for me.
It’s so overwhelming that people want to avoid their really ill family member. Have thoughts that they’d never think they have. Feel shame and stigma by association. The often bizarre rituals, ways of dressing,and speaking, or extreme withdrawal schizophrenics experience - it’s a nightmare.

#6

Me too, sometimes from Psychiatrists with less experience.
Sometimes from family members who’ve checked out.
The decision to help, to let them live with you, is questioned by those who may think a state hospital or halfway house is a great solution.

#7

If you can get your adult child to sign a power of attorney you will have access to his doctors, we learned this the first one my son was hospitalized and promptly got one . Your son will have to agree to it and that is the hard part. I know the feeling of not having any say and being alone do take care

#8

Welcome…
you’re not alone…

Although heartbreaking at times…I wish for you to know how much your note meant to me this morning.

It is beautifully written. I found myself smiling while crying and thinking out loud: “This should be published…the words chosen perfectly describe the emotions we are suffering under!”

Thank you for sharing. I’m also new here…and have found a lovely place with so much support.

Long ago I found some quote (I thought it was smarmy at the time) which read: “Wellness begins with WE”…
at the time I thought it was a very sad joke…as this dx isolates…and with the family under crisis pressure: “WE” is not exactly what I need to hear. I know damn well it’s a “WE” situation!

Oh…I get it now. “WE”…
I needed to talk to other mothers.

NOT the ones at my older boys cross country group.
I swear, I stepped into a Disney-esk family television show.
They did not “get it”.

Welcome…“WE” get it.

A beautifully written expression of a mothers true feelings. Well said.
You are not alone…
I just had “coffee” with you!

Thank you again…
S.

#9

Tears … You are not a bad writer yourself Squid. Thank you

#10

Welcome Mom4Ever, so very sorry you have reason to be here, so glad you have found us.

We are here for you. Hope

#11

I think we just became best friends. (Yes I stole that from Step Brothers).

Thanks for the compliment. You are quite eloquent yourself!

“WE” are warriors in an unwinnable war, just looking to win a few battles. If your sword gets heavy, I’ll help you carry it! Thanks for the coffee :slight_smile:

#12

warrior mod
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#13

This is so poignantly written. We can all relate. You need to find a few moments to love yourself and practice self care, You are obviously doing all u can for your loved ones.

#14

Your letter really hits home. My 26 year old son was diagnosed at 15. He takes his meds and they help with symptoms but he has lost himself… he is not the boy that used to live here. He did graduate from college with help—-special class accommodations etc. He has Flat affect, negative personality, self centered, know it all…all he does around the house is sleep, eat, watch tv and vapes tobacco. He has no friends, no outside life. Can’t work because of anxiety.

My husband and I work diff shifts so he sees my son all day and I see him in evening when he is not sleeping…so this has gotten to be really hard for us to see him doing nothing all day and evenings. His sister does not like him…she thinks he manipulates us and he is just a brat. She has an apartment and successful career. So we have 2 children who are completely different.

We feel very alone because we do not know anyone with a schizophrenic child. We don’t know what other parents see in their child who is schizophrenic… are they just lazy or is it the disease? Do other siblings feel the way our daughter does?

I would like to hear your story and experiences… what does your child do all day? How do they act? How can I motivate him to do things? Family counseling did not work for us…we have tried everything…I just want him to have an interest to get him out of the house once a day…

#15

We are just starting our journey as a family. Our child had other issues growing up due to trauma, but nothing like what we are experiencing now. We also have a second child who has no empathy for what their sibling is going through. They also think it’s just manipulation and narcissism. It is hard to watch because at one time they were so close. It is heartbreaking.

We are so new to this we are still awaiting appropriate diagnosis. Everything has progressed over the past year with the raging psychosis only being recent. It all has caught us very off guard because we thought we were just dealing with issues from the trauma and now it seems to be so much more. I’m trying to rush to get guardianship in place so we can get consistent treatment in place but the disease seems to be moving much faster than the legal system. I’m trying to educate myself… Reading Amador’s book and googling everything. We went from letting our child eat and sleep and basically do what they want (hoping they just needed a break from stress and pressure) to hoping the guardianship comes through so that a consistent routine can be established. We’ve known our child to sleep for 20 hours or stay awake for almost three days.

Everything is so new and we feel so unprepared for each new symptom.

Question about BOOKS, Venting/Fussing
#16

There seems to be a pattern to the daily events…with so much missed opportunity to “do”…something?we live and work at the same property. There’s a salvage yard and a transmission shop here alone with our home. Lots of things to do anywhere you look.

Our 20 year old daughter, sleeps until 11-noon. Gets up, eats, watches TV. And begins the walking back and forth between business and house. Its not far between so I wouldn’t count it as exercise (an humor).
If its a Monday (blood draw for Clozaril) that becomes the “fixation” as to…when are we going?
Mondays, Thursdays and Saturdays, she visits her biological mom… During the week mom works until 5 so around 3:30 she comes to the office and starts pacing a 5 ft long path. Back and forth, watching the clock.
Now on Saturdays, she gets up early to got to moms…no other day…but “mom at” she’s an early-bird.
She has no responsibilities so to speak, but wants something nearly each day. Could be…trip to beauty salon, tanning, a new bed, a cell phone, computer/laptop, rap music software to make music, who knows? But there’s something. And its a 100% fixation as a NEED. And WHEN.

She doesn’t have a license, didn’t finish high school, and her father is her guardian.
Parents divorced when she was 12. Mom became her “friend” , the “fun parent”. Very loose rules if any and daughter learned early on to manipulate to get her way.

Having DAD be her guardian…for her is HORRIBLE. There are rules and she doesn’t like THAT at all.

Guardianship was awarded after she left the state with a boyfriend, became med non-compliant, didn’t show for court ( probation for previous assaults in MH Center and court ordered meds).
Well, she traveled 900 miles away, had an episode, was found walking barefoot along the highway. Was picked up by police who took her to ER, who quickly determined her MH condition…and sent her to the MH Center. Dad went to get her when she was “stabilized”.
3 days home, and it was obvious she was NOT stable. 3 more admittance to MH Center here. Last admittance was over 90 days. They had all but given up.

She’s been home for 2 months on Clozaril.

But there’s been many episodes here. Throwing things, breaking stuff, punching walls, punching dad, cursing us out terribly, even spit on her father.

A lot is BEHAVIORAL no doubt…but how can you tell the division from being a spoiled BRAT full of manipulation and the MI??? Even her bio parents can’t tell.

We’ve come a long way…and its a very long road still yet.

I would like a thread to just describe “today’s typical events” . let us share what the heck happened today. We of all people will GET IT!!!

#17

It is so heart breaking to have a child with a mental illness. You cannot talk to others about it in the same way you would if they had a heart or kidney disease.

Is your doctor trying different medications to help with the symptoms?

#18

You certainly have your hands full! What is her diagnosis? Can the doctor work on her medications to help with the outbursts?

It is unbelievable that there is not much help out there for families dealing with mental illness…we are alone .

#19

I agree…
and have been silent as to our daily’s.
I posted this morning along this line.

Thanks…
I appreciate your post.

(You are incredible by the way. Such patience and understanding.)

#20

Hello juliej,
Your story resonates with so many of us. When our son was young he was always what people called lazy, a day dreamer, not motivated. We struggled with the school system but eventually he graduated. The problem we had with our son was always disregarded, he is a very bright, intelligent young man when he shows interest. Your story sounds so similar to our son. My husband always said he was just lazy. I’m still not sure my husband is convinced that anything is actually wrong with our son, (other than the almost fatal accident he survived.) He was never diagnosed in his younger years. He was never diagnosed at all. Our son is currently forensically committed.
I really want you and everyone who is out to know that the problems our loved ones are having are real. I do not believe they are purposely doing wrong, it’s part of the illness, the brain has a disease that is slowly killing them.