When my college age stepson moved back in with us about a year ago he was very different, and it caught me so off guard. This is a person I used to sit in his room and drink beers with, and then all the chillness was substituted for worry. It also didn’t help that he got a bit forward with women and I have sexual abuse traumas. The entire situation got out of control. My alcoholism got even more out of control and because he doesn’t sleep at night, neither did I. I became so paranoid I still wake up when I hear his door open and close. I have no nice way to approach his dad with my concerns, and it eats me inside that I have to accept to live with him for the rest of my life if I want to stay with his dad. My husband is afraid of pushing him to work, considering he just started taking a college subject again. I also have kids from a previous marriage and they love my husband so much.
I am just so so lost, I feel like my emotions are out of control, I don’t know what to expect, what to think, what to hope for. But most of all, I want to be accepting of him again. He is taking his meds, he stays in his room for most of the day doing his own thing, he hasn’t done anything bad for a while, and he seems better than last year. I should be hopeful, but all I feel is fear. Im so afraid he will get bad again, I’m so afraid of being a caregiver forever, I’m so afraid to be alone with him once quarantine is over and everyone leaves the house for most of the day. My husband isn’t able to help me as he isn’t able to help himself. I know I am missing something.