Is there nowhere for my brother to go to get help?

[Noplacelikehome13]

Hey there. I hope whoever is reading this is having a good day. I am at my witts end with all this shit.

I am 26, my brother is like 34? 35? Over the last year or so has been dealing with schizophrenia we believe but alas won’t go to a doctor long enough to really get a diagnosis and has been hospitalized a few times in psych wards but of course they release him.

I live with my parents because here in NH, the housing market is awful and I couldn’t afford to move out on my own when working two jobs, but now I’m back in school full time and working part time and I especially cannot afford to move out now.

I know my parents seem to be trying all they can do, as do they say. But I am like…crying every single day at something new that goes on. I HATE being home and I have to be to study! I go to cafes etc to do so and the school but at some point I need to be home out of convenience, go eat etc. My parents leave me out of the loop a lot on whatever they allegedly decide their next course of action will be..(I’m wondering if that’s because they kick the can down the road and they know if they tell me they plan to do something and don’t I’ll be pissed.)

My brother:

• Walks to the store every day to buy beer with his jar full of change he has and drinks and smokes cigarettes, the alcohol makes his behaviors worse.
• lately has taken to pacing around the yard holding tools from the shed which I’m sure scares people. Our neighbors are aware he has something wrong but Jesus, the whole neighborhood doesn’t! That freaks me out.
• when he drank like a whole six pack over the weekend he was SLAMMING around his room so hard and yelling and screaming and saying violent things about i don’t know who, i was just trying to nap before work and woke up terrified. This behavior is worse when my parents aren’t home (they were at my neighbors party) and he seems to think I’m not home or doesn’t care that I am. He does bang around when my parents are here but I think he reels it in when he knows they are home.
• eat my food. I write my name on the few things I have in the fridge and he still fucking eats them.
• the other day I saw him on the ring being sketch outside looking at my room from the lawn (idek) and I just wanted to relax and go get coffee and go to target and came home because I had a feeling something was up…. He was in my room looking for money or alcohol! He left the doors open. Also did this the other day in my parents room. (I have changed my knob to one that locks since then because HELL NO)
• Tells me to shut up or be quiet when he hears me talking from his room
  I have taken NAMI family to family classes and try to be understanding, I never escalate things with him and tbh have my parents deal with him more on my behalf. but holy shit. I cannot do this.

My mom constantly goes “WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO??” when I get upset and I understand what she means but there has to be SOMETHING. Apparently they are talking about getting gaurdianship for him but I don’t understand I guess all the ins and outs of that. It seems they are dragging their feet. Is that because a lawyer is involved? is a lawyer at all involved? I don’t know.

Is New Hampshire really that void of any help??? I know it’s a small state but like are we just supposed to deal with him forever until he does something bad? Even when I can move out in a few years after school (fingers crossed) I feel bad for my parents. I don’t want him to age them fast. My dad isn’t even retired yet. I am a year and some change into dealing with this and I’m so pissed at the world. Every day I just want to be happy and ultimately I’m upset bc my food is gone, jumping out of my skin startled from banging, can’t sleep in, and tbh scared he is going to take it to another level and hurt someone or something or himself. This is absolute hell.

[lomamar]

I feel for you very much. It would be wonderful if our society as a whole felt the feeling it takes to want to take the extra care and expense to look after our vulnerable brothers and sisters.

[megmeg]

I can relate to this so much!
I’m so sorry that you and your family are going through this right now.
I’m so glad that you are educating and getting support for yourself through NAMI even if you’re parents are taking a different path.
You’re already setting boundaries for yourself by getting the lock for your door is it possible you could get a small fridge in your room?

My sibling had his first psychotic episode at around 16
He’s always self-medicated with marijuana sometimes he gets into alcohol also the only time he’s ever been on medication is when he was in jail.
I don’t think it’s just New Hampshire pretty much every state it’s really difficult to get any help , a lot of the times what I’ve run into the help that is there our loved ones need to voluntarily be willing to go and a lot of times they are not.
I wonder if your parents are trying to get State guardianship for your sibling which would mean somebody from the state would be in charge of his finances housing basically your parents would be able to release themselves and turn it over to a state guardian.
Or are they trying to get maybe adult guardianship for your brother and then maybe they could make more decisions for him.
Your local nami would probably be the best resource if you want more information on it.
Wishing you strength courage and peace during this extremely stressful time thank you so much for sharing here
I just want to acknowledge again that your feelings are completely valid none of this is easy!

[trcanon0121]

I am concerned for your safety. He resents you being there living under the same roof as him and your parents. You need to figure out a way to get out of there before something really bad happens. I don’t know anything about New Hampshire, but here in Texas the availability of help and resources is limited. There are some states that have better resources and help. It sounds like your parents are exhausted, scared, and just sort of, for lack of better words, burying their heads in the sand, hoping nothing really bad happens. Your brother is sick and he is intimidating all of you to the point that you are all paralyzed with fear. Again, you need to leave, one way or another. Your parents need to step up and figure out a way to deal with him and, until they do, nothing is going to change. Sorry for being a downer, but that’s the way I see it. FYI, my son was exactly like your brother until he got kicked out, was homeless, spent time behind bars, realized he didn’t want to be homeless or behind bars, decided to start taking his meds and being a civilized member of society. God bless you and your family.