Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

I've known about his mental problems but didn't know it would get this bad. Help please

I have known my fiancé for pretty much our whole lives. We dated in high school after I really started to get to know him. That’s when he told me about having another person in his head that always tells him to do bad stuff. And that sometimes this other “person” takes control. We broke up and only got back together a little over a year ago. I started living with him last Augustus and yesterday was the first time that I felt helpless and emotionally hurt. I’ve tried to tell him to go see a professional but he absolutely refuses. He doesn’t think he can be comfortable talking to a complete stranger about what is going on with him. I’m at my wits end and don’t know what to do…

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I am so sorry you are experiencing this. What I think is most important if for you to realize that the diagnosis and treatment is only part of the process. Depending on his diagnosis and the trajectory of his illness, severe mental illness is incredibly hard on loved ones and family.

You will need to enter into this with your eyes wide open, so learn and read everything you can about any diagnosis he ultimately receives…but insist that he get some help. Consider strongly whether you will continue to be in the relationship if he doesn’t. Realize that the sooner he seeks and engages in some kind of treatment/recovery, their might be a better prognosis.

My son is 21 and newly (within the last two years) diagnosed with chronic schizophrenia…he is completely disabled in this illness, but has improved significantly with medication. It is an imperfect science that he refuses to engage in. He has no insight or awareness, and I now fully understand why family, friends, and loved ones fall away from those diagnosed. Again, seek guidance…read everything you can! If you determine he is schizophrenic, Dr. Torrey’s book Surviving Schizophrenia is a helpful first read.

There are some very experienced people in this forum, read prior posts and visit often. You have found friends here.


I’m not sick, I don’t need help by Dr Xaviar Amador is a good one to help you learn strategies that might persuade him to get some help. The direct approach doesn’t always work, so his strategies teach you how to be indirect.

My son was incredibly afraid of going to the psychiatrist at first.
Here are some things I told him –

  • there are tons of other people who need to go, otherwise it would be easy to get an appointment
  • the doctor isn’t going to lecture you & you’re not going to tell him anything that will shock or surprise him - they talk to other people with the same problems all day long
  • they are not going to put you in the hospital unless they think you are a danger to yourself or others - they couldn’t even if they wanted to
  • what do you have to lose? if you don’t like it, you don’t have to go back. if they give you medicine, you don’t have to take it.
  • but, what if they could fix things?

That was when he had insight, but it sounds like your fiance knows he has some issues right now. Take advantage of that while you can. My son had insight for a long time (he got sick at 15), but he lost it over the past year and a half (he’s 27 now).

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