Its been a while since i posted or even came here.
I have been with my partner for 18 months now and it is my first of being with someone who has paranoid schizophrenia. Through our time together i have learnt a whole lot and also lost a part of who i was. When we used to have arguments in the beginning i always fought back and the rows would get so intense and really quite bad. As the time has gone on i have found just sitting there and being quiet and not responding to his thoughts in a negative way is the best way. Although it makes me feel like a wilted flower i just cant win or even get hime to see my view.
I do feel like i am just one fighting my own corner and he has 7 fighting in his.
I love him so very much and prepared to stick by him but i do worry it will take away who i am. Will i still be me and grow as a person or will i be chipped away and get lost. I dont know how to get stronger as i feel like im weakening. I cant talk to his family or even mine as noone knows he has it. Yes he hides it very well and his family just thinks he doesnt like crowds or people etc…
Any advice would be much appreciated. If you could work out what i am trying to say.
Thanks so much for reading
Donna
LOL, sounds about right to me… yes, is never productive to argue and fight, I often find a way to play along and turn insanity into laughter to diffuse a bad illusion if possible…
“insanity into laughter” i like that and i will try to do this but im sure i will screw up the first few times lol.
I definitely learnt no fighting back very very quickly
I would put yourself first and ask yourself what you want out of life. If he is not on medication and is hiding his illness, that is not a good way to start. Why do you hav to prepare yourself to stick by him? That does not sound very happy or hopeful.
You cannot get stronger, your partner is the one who needs help and the best thing you can do for him is to convince him to get on medication. This disease is terrible and it will chip away at you. I would not be willing to sacrifice my well being, unless he gets help.
I suggest increasing the people in your corner. As I helped my son to gain his sanity I needed to speak to a therapist regularly, somebody not emotionally involved that could listen objectively and offer a new perspective or insight. It has helped me tremendously. I also took the free class offered by NAMI called “Family to Family” , this was years ago and I am not sure if that class is still being offered during the pandemic but it taught me so much about schizophrenia and how to cope and introduced me to others in my same position. Even if your partner chooses to be silent about his illness, that doesn’t mean that you have to be, at least not with people you trust and close family. The more support you can find the better outcome you might achieve. I wish you well.
Hopefully he is on his meds. That makes a difference.
At my house I’ve learn if it is going to get me upset, I don’t go there. It takes 2 to argue.