It's almost been three years


#1

Hey guys, it’s been awhile
Years

There’s still no cure and I’m ill with the thought. I had to step away, I had to kick him out, I had to break my own heart for our protection. I had to let him go so I could think.
Why is there nothing to do, still, when they don’t believe there’s an illness?

Im still a wreck. I miss my brother so deeply. He’s homeless now, he smells and drinks his social security money away. I tried so hard, I promise.

I’m not okay anymoreand I feel like I can’t be his light anymore. My hope is crumbled.

I guess I just had to let that out. God, I am hurting so bad. Why…


#2

You are welcome to come here and express your sadness and pain. We understand the place you are in. I feel the deep pain you have when you think of your brother in his current condition. The effects of this illness can be so far-reaching and devastating.

I think many of us must learn to wall off some portion of our feelings so that the pain does not overcome us - I think my ‘hope’ has had to go thru many changes and modifications. I have different hopes for my son than I once held, and that itself can make me sad.

I encourage you to seek some support to help YOU be okay again, and find a measure of peace.


#3

So sorry this happened, you had to make a decision for your own family’s safety. I am sorry it came to that, our son can’t live with us either. Take care of yourself - that is something you can do.


#4

My mom dies almost two years ago. She was the center of everyone’s life and love in my family. We struggle daily with the grief, but as times goes by we find ourselves advancing through the stages of grief and getting close to some sort of closure. With this illness, our grief is cyclical and while we may still go through those same stages, we fail to achieve closure because they are still alive and many times, like in your case, know that they are alive and likely suffering.

But this is not your fault. You did not cause your brother’s illness and you need to try to relieve yourself of the guilt that is weighing you down so heavily. I can tell how much you love him.

I have found that by contributing to efforts that help those with the diagnosis helps with my own healing. I volunteer at a shelter, serve on a committee that works to house those with SMIs, and engage daily with people who have the illness ( I work at a downtown library where these folks stay during the day). This efforts may not help my son directly, but they help others who are suffering and it has helped me tremendously. My contributions are personal but they make a difference.

Keep visiting here and sharing how you feel. Its one place where you are completely understood without judgement. We’re all in this together. Take care of yourself…hugs


#5

Hello,
I can relate to asking why God would let this happen. I wish I had some insight to offer. But I don’t understand either. So sorry for you and your brother.
Offering you some empathy, AnnieNorCal


#6

Hang in there. You can still love him and you can help him when you can maybe just not from inside your own home. Praying for you and your brother.


#7

briaajay,
not sure what to say!. It is sad that you cannot help your own brother. He is probably needs a loving heart.
I know you need to protect your family first.
But do not give up hope. Keep checking on him. May be things will turn around in future.

Praying for you and your bother!


#8

I know how you feel @briaajay. I’m also trying to navigate care for my brother. It seems like if we let our loved ones live with us, they can’t do anything to protect us. If we don’t let them live with us, they can’t do much to protect them. It’s such a catch-22.


#9

@briaajay
I had to get my brother out of my place, too. It was sad, even though circumstances weren’t as hard as they seem for you and your brother.
It’s hard to realize that you tried everything you could think of and did everything right, but they still had to go.
They make their own decisions.

My brother was adamant about his lifestyle. He doubted he was even ill. He insisted on suffering the same torment every day and slowly hurting worse all the time.
I love the dude, but living with me was a prison he voluntarily shackled himself in, and robbed himself of his freedom and sense of security more every day.
It is not a proud day when you have to choose yourself over someone you love. I know.
I also know you made the right choice out of two really terrible options.

As caregivers, we all too often face the truely miserable contradiction of what our morals tell us is right, versus our own survival.
My brother’s disorder would have ruined both of our lives if he had continued to live with me. For a long time, my family and I had to accept that if he disappeared on us, or ended up in prison, that was his own choice. We spent a long time reassuring each other that at least he might have a chance to doubt his own irrational behavior and seek real help if things got bad enough.
We consider ourselves very lucky that the worst has not happened. Because the true responsibility and the choices all fall on him.

I’m really sorry that things turned out this way. But you did not create this situation!
The refusal to make good choices and the refusal to seek treatment is on him. Just like it is for everyone who becomes ill.

We all want the best for you and your family.
Lean on the people closest to you for support, you need it. Lean on us when you want to as well. We will do our best.


#10

@briaajay
did you every looked into Involuntarily Commitment for your brother?
Contact NAMI or Mental health crisis Team in your area, they may be able to direct you in right direction.
if you have enough resources, you may also seek to be his Guardian and possibly force him into Treatment. but this can be very hard and costly.
I went through it. I have been following my son for the last 3 years wherever he goes. my son has been at least to 8 different hospitals in the past 3 years in various states.
Finally he is safe in a rehabilitation center taking a monthly shot! he still not on right combination of meds but I still has not lost hope of getting him better.

I know you are doing the Best you can for your brother
keeping you in my prayers.


#11

Unfortunately not understanding they are Ill is part of the illness. Sometimes it takes “a dark night of the soul” to get a breakthrough. Even though he’s no longer in the home kept reaching out and take care of your own heart.


#12

This disease for which there is no cure never ends and I can testify to that. It’s so rough. It’s also not your fault so don’t beat yourself up (easier said than done, right?). Stay in touch with your brother if you can. Involve community support services if that is possible. Take care of yourself too. Keep to your friends, your hobbies, your sports, your health. Again easier said than done.

Bob


#13

I think we all have felt this way. God will make something happen in his life for him to reach out again and ask for your help. You need to be there for him then. In the meantime, pray for God’s protection while he makes bad choices. I have had to let my son go recently when he walked away from treatment and sobriety with street drugs. He has landed in jail. Now those consequences… I just tell him there is a way to get better when he wants it. I always will provide the medical support he needs. It is hard to let go and let God. Vent here ( we all have walked a similar journey) and remember we are no good to them if we are not taking care of ourselves. My counselor reminds me of that weekly. Hang in there.