Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

Mom broke my heart last night

I was supposed to go to the dentist this morning but mom made an issue about how I should drive to her house before we go to save her time and I told her I didn’t have the money to do that because it’s the end of the month and she said, “well, you had money for beer last week so you must have money for gas”…I rarely drink and don’t know who told her that I had beer but that really hurt me…she is very wealthy and spends a lot of money on my sister and her children and I never ask for money. My truck needs spark plugs changed and I told her if she helps me get the plugs changed for $40 bucks then I could drive over there in the future…no reply. So now I have to come up with the money to change the plugs myself…this makes it hard for me to want to live anymore. My life is so sad. No, I won’t take my life…just don’t like my life, as a matter of fact, I hate it.

So sorry you are having a bad time of it. Moms say stupid things sometimes, and moms don’t always act fairly. Those are facts of life. Try not to let it get to you. She might have some stress to deal with herself.

yes, my mom is 72 and my step dad is dying soon. I know she has a lot of stress in her life. Just hurts that she loves my sister more than me.

Awww, she probably doesn’t. But on the other hand - I always felt my mom favored one of my sisters over the rest of us. I only have one child, so I don’t know if I would end up favoring one over another, but I realized in the case of my mom that she loves me ENOUGH, so it doesn’t matter that she loves somebody else more.

Sorry to hear that. I think it’s best if we can all become independent, regardless of our circumstances. I’m guessing you get SSI like me? If so, it’s not a lifestyle but only for necessities. Right now I can’t drive because I can’t afford gas. Basically, I’m going to need a job before I can drive again, despite having a truck. The jobs I can get are not that great but maybe if I work a lot, I would be better off.

As for your mom, maybe she is having a hard time dealing with your illness. My father has a hard time. Despite him making good money (not wealthy by any means) he only helps me for certain things. My father sometimes doesn’t understand how I can be disabled yet smart. I have no physical abnormalities, just schizo-affective disorder. He thinks I can work, but I know I cannot. I cannot even stay in Wal-Mart for more than 30 minutes because I freak out. How could I ever get a job there when I’m supposed to help people and stay calm for 8 hours at a time?

Have you thought of selling something online? Once I was selling jewelry online. There are a lot of sites that you can sell stuff you order from china. you just need a little money to place the order and take it from there. If you want to make more money, you could also work in a call centre. If you can talk on the phone and use a computer. Another way to make money is to repair stuff. Do you have any skills that you can use?

It is kinda weird to ask money from your mom. If you didn’t have beer, you could just tell her, I didn’t have beer. I’m lucky enough to be capable to not ask money from my parents or siblings but I work and I’m always thinking of ways to make more money as long as I have my sanity.

Focus on the positive things in your life and try to fill with your life with productivity. Maybe your mom is just disappointed.

Some say that the families of schizophrenics need (actually require) a victim… a receptacle for their unconscious and irresponsible rage. What do you think of that?

Do you mean that the families require a victim (and if so, do they mean the schizophrenic is that victim necessarily?) Or that the schizophrenics need a victim in their family? Sorry, I’m feeling a little mentally sluggish right now but want to think about this.

It’s in all these books:

Anonymous: Adult Children of Alcoholics: Alcoholic / Dysfunctional Families, Torrance, CA: ACA World Service Office, 2006.

Woititz, J. G.: Adult Children of Alcoholics, Pompano Beach. FL: Health Communications, 1983.

Black, C.: It Will Never Happen to Me: Children of Alcoholics as Youngsters-Adolescents-Adults, New York: Ballentine, 1981, 1987.

Miller, A.: For Your Own Good: Hidden Cruelty in Child Rearing and the Roots of Violence, London: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1979, 1983.

Miller, A.: Prisoners of Childhood / The Drama of the Gifted Child, New York: Basic Books, 1979, 1996.

Miller, A.: Thou Shalt Not Be Aware: Society’s Betrayal of the Child, London: Farrar, Straus & Giroux, 1981, 1984, 1998.

Perry, B.; Szalavitz, M.: The Boy Who was Raised as a Dog…, New York: Basic Books, 2007.

Forward, S.: Toxic Parents: Overcoming their Hurtful Legacy and Reclaiming Your Life, New York: Bantam Books, 1989.

Forward, S.: Emotional Blackmail: When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You, New York: HarperCollins, 1997.

Bateson, G., Jackson, D., Haley, J.; et al: Perceval’s Narrative: A Patient’s Account of his Psychosis, Palo Alto, CA: Stanford University Press, 1961. Etiology of schizophrenia.

Esterson, A.: The Leaves of Spring: Schizophrenia, Family and Sacrifice, London: Tavistock, 1972.

Henry, J.: Pathways to Madness, New York: Random House, 1965.

Jackson, D. (ed.): The Etiology of Schizophrenia: Genetics / Physiology / Psychology / Sociology, London: Basic Books, 1960.

Laing, R. D.; Esterson, A.: Sanity, Madness and the Family, London: Tavistock, 1964.

Lidz, T.: The Origin and Treatment of Schizophrenic Disorders, New York: Basic Books, 1973.

Lidz, T.; Fleck, S., Cornelison, A.: Schizophrenia and the Family, 2nd Ed.; New York: International Universities Press, 1985.

And lately:

Payson, E.: The Wizard of Oz and other Narcissists: Coping with One-Way Relationships in Work, Love andFamily, Royal Oak, MI: Julian Day, 2002.

Brown, N.: Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up’s Guide to getting Over Narcissistic Parents, 2nd. Ed., Oakland, CA: New Harbinger, 2008.

Sometimes stress can affect people in strange ways. Be assertive with your mom, firm if you have to. Let her know you need to be able to drive around, and you can’t do that if she commandeers your car. I’m sure your mom is struggling. It must be hard to lose someone you have lived with years and years.

I’ve found delivering pizza to be one of the very few jobs I can handle, for a while. You need a mechanically sound car. They pay you for the gas you use, and you get a few tips. They’re always hiring. Back when I was driving a Honda CRX I really came out ahead delivering pizza.