Family and Caregiver Schizophrenia Discussion Forum

More frustrating than I thought it was going to be


#1

I knew that it was going to be hard having my son where he is and I have been trying to stay positive however this is frustrating. I usually vent on my blog but this outlet is not really open to me right now as my daughter, my son’s grandmother and even my kid’s step-mom read my blog :frowning:

I was talking to my daughter yesterday. Even after all my warnings about not furthering my son’s addiction and allowing him to smoke marijuana, it turns out the grandmother actually asked my daughter to take my son out and get him high. That it would do him good. She saw the damage that it did, thank god, and when she tried to talk to the grandmother about it that it was a bad idea, the grandmother’s only concern was if he had fun… I’m… I don’t even know… Appalled. Apparently he got so messed up that he was jerking around, banging his head… I can’t believe I let him get on that plane!

He was due for his monthly blood work last week for his white blood cell count. I have texted his dad about it, no response. Which is pretty much the norm for most of my communications with his dad.

I asked my daughter about what meds he is taking, when he does take them and what she described doesn’t make sense at all.

It seems most of the arrangements and even what meds he is taking is being overseen by the grandmother. So as much as I want to know what is going on, I don’t think I can talk to her without losing it. Apparently her attitude about him not taking his meds is to take him to the hospital. If it was that simple I would have had him admitted a month ago!

I think the grandmother and my son are supposed to be moving out on their own by the end of the month. The grandmother is already broke…

I think I’m more pissed at myself for letting it get to this. Pissed at his dad for buying that plane ticket and leaving things in the hands of someone who in my opinion doesn’t have a clue.


#2

I’m sorry it doesn’t work out well. My mom says I’m on too much medicine. She says I block my spiritual channel. Reminds me a bit of your granny.


#3

I am so sorry you’re going through this with your son’s new situation! I can imagine your frustration and anger, after everything you’ve done to help your son stay well!

My ex husband, my daughter’s father (I’m remarried) also undermines everything I try to do with our daughter, it is infuriating! He takes medical marijuana for ocular myasthenia gravis and is constantly saying she should go off her psych meds and take marijuana instead, because it’s “natural.” It doesn’t matter what I do to try and convince him it’s the worst possible idea. He is in denial about her illness. He thinks she does not have a mental illness and her psychosis is simply due to a “bad trip.” When she first started showing symptoms her tox screen showed marijuana but no other drugs, although I realize the marijuana can trigger psychosis for those predisposed to a sz spectrum disorder and certain drugs may not show up in a tox screen. She had a lot of delusions surrounding being drugged (like when the would take her blood at the hospitals should would get upset, she was sure they were injecting her with heroin). So other than marijuana I don’t know if she was exposed to anything else, she was so delusional at the time. But the point is, he refuses to accept she has this illness and not only undermines med compliance but any behavioral modification attempts I try to make, partially because of his denial, partially because we’ve never been able to co-parent, as he likes to do the opposite of anything I think is best on principal, partially because he is compensating for a less than great relationship and just wants to please her, and because he would be perfectly happy if she was dependent on him for the rest of her life because that meets his needs. Luckily she lives with ME!

Hopefully now that your son is in her care love and better sense will ultimately prevail. Sometimes people don’t understand something until they experienced it, and maybe seeing first hand the things that influence your son’s condition will provide a quick learning curve, and you’ll get smarter by the day (in her mind). I just feel for you so much right now.


#4

Co-parenting is hard enough at the best of times. Sorry your ex has blinders on.


#5

Denial is a very powerful thing-that one can wear blinders in the face of overwhelming evidence really boggles the mind…


#6

@BarbieBF, I don’t know what to say except I think they are enabling him instead of helping him. He has no insight but they know what is right. Again, I could be wrong in saying this. It’s hard when you have worked so hard for your son and now someone else makes bad decisions. Hang in there and hope for the best. Good luck!


#7

I know all about that coparenting stuff!
Please go easy on yourself. i would be angry too-but the situation was out of your control, and you were tired.
i used to call his dad all the time for help-any help-but he only did what he could do I guess. I know that talking about it and dealing with it can be tiring-maybe that is the situation with your ex?
I`m glad your daughter is coming around. Does she live with you? Where will the grandmother go?


#8

I hope the daughter helps him more. Now is the time to get her on your side. The grandmother needs to have it explained to her that marijuana is the worst thing for Schizophrenia. Have your daughter print out an article, so she’ll have something concrete to refer to. It might work.


#9

The grandmother as far as I know is moving out into her own place. Not sure if it’s a bachelor or 1 bedroom as she is on disability as well. Currently my daughter is living with her dad which is where the grandmother is living as well. Along with other family members. They have a house full at the moment.

metime I wish that I could explain or have her see reason. My son used to live with her and it was something we never saw eye to eye on. She has always refused to limit or stop my son from smoking marijuana. It’s in the doctor’s reports that she wouldn’t. There were times when she would give him some every night. Even then I tried to get her to see reason that the amounts he was smoking was too much but she wouldn’t listen.


#10

I am so sorry this is happening.

With everyone reading your blog… you might need to post a few marijuana= psychosis horror stories little by little and some medical reports here and there and someone in the other side of the family might make the connection and start letting the Nan know that she’s not helping.

I am so sorry you don’t have any help from the other side of the family and they don’t seem to follow through with helping your son for real… such as the blood work and making sure the physical health is being looked after.

I wish I had some ideas but all I have are good wishes and lot of hope that this situation will end soon and your son will come back to you again.


#11

I am so sorry to hear this is happening. It’s so bad you can’t have any help from the other side of the family. Could you push your daughter to get more education on how to look after a schizophrenic patient?


#12

My daughter is only 18, almost 19. She probably has better knowledge of schizophrenia than anyone else as she did a project on it last year in school and if I recall correctly got 100% :sunny: She just started her second part time job and is interviewing for another job. Has a boyfriend and is looking into going to college. She would gladly take on this however I’m trying to get her to not take it on as she has her own life to live and I think that should be her priority.

I just may blog about the negative affects of marijuana on psychosis…


#13

BarBieBF,

I think the best way right now is just let your son deteriorate (if he can’t do WBCD blood test ontime, he may lose his clozaril), then he maybe able to be hospitalized in the near future. Then he will be restored from there. But you may need guardianship to have things happen this way.


#14

sorry BarbieBF, I hope it all gets worked out.


#15

Maybe not take it on by herself–but be a part of the team. maybe she even get her dad on board. The more people the better. I guess you can`t explain to your mother, but if everyone was more or less united, she might listen-or at least stop enabling.


#16

wow…i was lost for words reading some of that.
sorry you have to go through this.
but remember you have been amazing to your son,…and still are.
if i had had a mother like you i would have felt so blessed.
be kind to yourself.
take care


#17

I am so sorry this has been happening. I’m so amazed that people are Ok with giving him pot. After all that work to try and get him off pot too.

I hope this comes to a head and he gets sent back to you soon. I too wish I had ideas. But please accept my best wishes for you’re son to get back to you and back to good health very soon.


#18

Maybe in the end the decisions will have to be up to him. Some people have to crash a number of times before becoming medication-compliant. The marijuana too.


#19

Dear Barbie,

   My Mom is long departed from this world, but I think she's watching your situation with great empathy and feeling.

   I understand that your son is emotionally immature.  I understand that you want to do things and get things done and you feel checked and held back by forces that don't seem loving or even considerate.

   You know, I'm a schizophrenic for whom marihuana is very  damaging, and I'm addicted to it.  Currently, I have like 30 something years without doing any marihuana.  And, my schizophrenia is pretty well controlled.  Not that I'm the happiest camper in the park!

  I'm fond of telling Moms of schizophrenics that their part in the drama is a marathon not a sprint.   While you are taking this forced break, I would wish you to recharge yourself.  

  I have a young friend about your age that I call Amanda.  She has like a week without shooting heroin.  She and her boyfiend just went apple picking, and I gather that was a pretty good thing for them. 

Jayster


#20

Dear Barbie,

   I looked at your Blog.  That is kewl!  Then, I slept on it, and now I want to share about myself.

   When I was mentally unstable, I had the feeling that I was at the center of a collapsing universe.  Then, when I went psychotic, I saw the whole thing work out that way.  It was absolutely frightening. 
   
  When I was not too well, I liked to participate in studies.  Then, when I was really unwell, my doctor threw me a bone and had me interview with students.  It was awfully painful.  One young Ph.D. doctor says, "So you believe you're responsible for all these terrible things happening in the world?  I wonder what happened to you such that you feel so insignificant that you have to compensate that you're so powerful."  It hurt like Hell to have him see me so insensitively and let me know.

 Barbie, eventually it was the pain I experienced that became the motivator to try to find my way out!  And when I was that much of a hurting pup, there weren't too many people who were still willing to talk to me.

Jayster