Mother’s Day Pain

I have no idea what to do. I feel such intense sadness that I physically feel ill. I have never had a bad relationship with my son. In fact, we had a beautiful relationship always. He was always verbally comfortable telling me he loved me and physically able and willing to give me a hug often. I have not pushed anything since his diagnosis last fall. Everything has changed so much. He hardly talks and I have not seen a smile in so long. He was a funny, smart, outgoing guy and now he is so serious and seems to have lost his ability to be social. I go to family support meetings and have read so much, but I am still really struggling with the lack of connection with my boy.
Today was Mother’s Day. I did not expect a hug or even an I love you (though I was praying for one) but I was at least hoping to hear Happy Mother’s Day. He hardly spoke to me. He didn’t even acknowledge me when he came out of his room, and when he did speak to me, it was when he was looking for something and needed help finding it. I don’t understand this feeling of needing to disconnect from me and my heart is not taking it very well. I have never been an emotional person, but I am having a really hard time containing my emotion with regard to his mental health and what seems like the loss of the son I had, due to his struggle. I will always be here for him, that will never change, but I am struggling greatly. I feel like I can’t say anything to him for fear of making him want to leave. I am so afraid he will leave and I won’t know if he is okay, like if he has eaten or is safe. My husband asked him why he did not wish me a happy Mother’s Day today. He said he did not want to talk about it. I just don’t get it. As ai type this, I can hear him in the back, not only having a conversation with his girlfriend, but laughing from time to time, something I have not seen in months. How do you all get through this?? My momma heart is breaking into pieces!


I understand your pain. Thank you for sharing on this site, it is one way that helped me very much to get through the changes my daughter went through and her antagonisms toward me and my husband. It is a long process to let go of who our loved one “used to be” in our own minds and hearts. I befriended one of the parents at my family-to-family NAMI class, and we met up outside of class for a meal every once in awhile. We still meet up on our own. I just saw her two weeks ago. It has helped both of us over the past 7 years.

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So sad rhis disease that takes their life away…like is satan tellu g them xinstant bad things to their ears and scarung them? Thats what its like…
I have the same…no gifts…he doesnt even recognize these days…but now an occasional i love you…
Just be glad if he hasnt tried to kill you…mine has tried 5 times and i was the enemy a lot…everyone said kick him to the steet…i did not. People mad at me for not…yet their kids kud spoiled with luxuries from them…
We just go thru bad times, get back on meds or change the med and things normalize…to a calmer state…but has never reached put to have a life…and thus i also sacrafice and dont participate in life as much and am forcing myaelf to get out to excercize…
I read one article a ling time ago that talked about schitzophrenics having a hard time seperating themselves from mom when young and older…and fleeing the nest…tjey dont kmow why…so it said they…and maybe sometimes then thinks if mom is gone theyll be more notmal and be able to live on their own…as yhough mom is stopping them

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Those poor moms that were blamed back in the day and believed that nonsense. They got to deal with the same problems and believed they had caused the issues.


I think it’s good @C11 that you are getting out to exercise, you must take care of yourself so you can keep on with life as best you can. Just remember the times he told you he loved you and smile. And @hope you are right, we get blamed as mothers for things we can’t control. Not fair.

I learned a long time ago to treat myself on holidays and birthdays to make up for not being treated well by others I expected kindness from (like when my husband forgot, or my kids didn’t call until late in the day or the next day or not at all). I had many birthdays where I bought my own carrot cake slice from a bakery and a bottle of Martinelli’s Sparkling Apple Cider (not alcohol) to go with it and celebrated calmly by myself, even pretending to myself that someone else was there. At least I got myself to smile at memories of past good holidays, and I still smile now thinking of one of my “alone” holidays and how it cheered me up.

We have to still love through our pain, including loving ourselves.

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